First of all, this is a well written story, not many grammatical or spelling errors, so it is a very comfortable read. Way better than most. But the first few chapters are rushed and cut down to minimal content. The scene where Hadrian gets adopted is majorly important, but so short that you don't get the feeling that it happened at all. It is like a cut down version of the memory of a dream you had a week ago. The motives and relations/backstorys are nebulous, like Lily being a submissive who follows James decision(If you can call that a decision, he didn't even have a single coherent thought in that scene) to give away one of her 4 year old children without even showing her supposed displeasure, or the way Dorea practically jumped at the chance to take Hadrian as her own while removing James as Heir. Maybe they were already mayor disagreements before, but we don't know because there is no backstory. Bdw. Why isn't Sirius Heir Black, the current Lord should still be alive and Dorea was never from the main branch. I could speculate a lot of things and at the moment it feels like Dorea wants a new try at training a Heir because she failed the first time and Lily is more of a housemaid than a wife. The trend sadly continues, because the world building is just as flawed. Examples: Magic elementry school starting at 7 without subjects like English, History, Math etc. I know this isn't covered in the original, but at 11 most children are at least able to write and do basic calculations, even if taught by their parents, but at 7? Dueling at 7? Do wizard children develop differently? Do all Wizards posses genius level intellect? Not unimaginable if explained right. I mean every single one can develop a mind palace approximation , so who knows. In addition the four houses are practically identical with the values they are looking for. Why would Americans copy that flawed system? Hogwarts had 4 founders and people keep at it because it is tradition, but a school founded hundreds of years later making the same decision/mistake? Conclusion: Author can write, but has not thought trough the world and the characters background. Or he just doesn't want to tell us. Tipp: Authors Note to explain basic world building and character profiles. The community can help.
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I completely agree. The first few chapters are quite short and very quick, and admittedly - I should have taken my time with it. I'll be using that tip from now on, it seems stupid that I haven't been using it in the first place really. I think the reasoning with the basic subjects required for life is a good one. I assumed that because it was an aristocratic elementary school, they would have already had private tutors - but I guess that was the problem; I assumed. I understand the qualms about the characters' personalities, but often in most AU stories, the characters act differently and certain characters do not exist or new characters are introduced. I'll be attempting to flesh out the backgrounds and reasoning as to why certain characters are who they are but for some it is just the matter of simply being. An example would be how you said that Dorea wasn't part of the main branch; in this story, she is. I understand some might not like that reasoning, but that was the way I wanted the story to go. The school houses, I am a little bit confused about - if only because they are slightly similar - but exist for no reason but to sort them into dormitories. This system isn't unique to Hogwarts; Ilvermorny and Durmstrang also have a house system - I believe. Thank you for the review, I'll try to improve on the things you've pointed out :)
