Review Detail of ArgosYesu in One Piece - Martialised
Review detail
Hard to read for me. Ignoring the grammar, lack of caps in several areas, and POV changes for insignificant reasons, the one thing I hate most here is the page-long paragraphs. They can easily be cut down to manageable chunks and make the story flow better. It is a slog fest to read a single paragraph and I found myself skimming a lot, which isn’t good since most of the chapter consists of long paragraphs. I can ignore grammar and cap errors (few), but when they are all crammed into 10-sentence-long paragraphs, it’s just a pain to read. 4 chapters in a dropped.
One Piece - Martialised
bobbarker12
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I too love it if he get paid for his work. But, the point is he as a writer do need to enhance his work to get paid or maybe just get it better for his own satisfaction. That friend over there try to help him as he move forward to make it happens. Not that i criticize you, but just to give some people who might think like we as reader don't need to correct however the author way to write his work. Maybe some author have their own way to express their writing style. But this time is not about it. It's more to how to correct thing so it easier to read and how literally rules world work.
MrE:Y'all acting like he gets paid to write this novel I'm sure it would be proper if he was getting paid to write lol
Actual books have proper paragraphs with proper lengths. Each para has a certain job to fulfill and doesn’t do anything more than that lest it get too long and boring. For instance your first long paragraph (first chapter, after the first sentence which shows the location) could be divided into two. First is the MC and his name and the orphanage. The second is how long he was there and what it provided as well as his thoughts on the overall setting. Then you could combine parts of the paragraphs last few lines with those of the next paragraph beginning to show the ‘underworld’ and what it was. The rest of that paragraph is then fine on its own. With that I just divided two long-ass paragraphs into four with each having specific topics. Nothing so drastic has to happen for every long paragraph, but it isn’t hard. And if you’re wondering why I say these are long, you should try and read this in a phone. A literal wall of text. Probably half the screen on a computer or laptop screen but still long. Better than some stories where I saw text walls longer than a computer screen.
bobbarker12:thanks for the review, though if you have such problems with long paragraphs then I wonder how you read actual books for instance^^
well, can't argue against your statement since I never considered what it would look like on a phone. I'm writing on a computer, so that's that. Maybe I'll change that some time. Thanks for the feedback mate^^
ArgosYesu:Actual books have proper paragraphs with proper lengths. Each para has a certain job to fulfill and doesn’t do anything more than that lest it get too long and boring. For instance your first long paragraph (first chapter, after the first sentence which shows the location) could be divided into two. First is the MC and his name and the orphanage. The second is how long he was there and what it provided as well as his thoughts on the overall setting. Then you could combine parts of the paragraphs last few lines with those of the next paragraph beginning to show the ‘underworld’ and what it was. The rest of that paragraph is then fine on its own. With that I just divided two long-ass paragraphs into four with each having specific topics. Nothing so drastic has to happen for every long paragraph, but it isn’t hard. And if you’re wondering why I say these are long, you should try and read this in a phone. A literal wall of text. Probably half the screen on a computer or laptop screen but still long. Better than some stories where I saw text walls longer than a computer screen.
Author, I'm just saying, those paragraphs are even long when I'm reading on a laptop. The longer paragraphs are approximately 10-15 lines long on here, which translates to about 3/4 a page. Oh my god, there's another one that's 25 lines long, that's even longer than a page on my laptop lol. I have to scroll to read the whole paragraph. I very much agree with this commentator, and I wrote about this problem in my review too. Also, if you aren't sure how to do it, try checking out stories with authors that are proficient in divvying up their paragraphs.
bobbarker12:well, can't argue against your statement since I never considered what it would look like on a phone. I'm writing on a computer, so that's that. Maybe I'll change that some time. Thanks for the feedback mate^^
A tip- if a person's dialogue is super long, you could separate the different topics up with some actions. For example: "Sir, the participant seems to be a young man of impressive height, only wearing a pair of trousers. He, as well, possesses a devil fruit of the zoan type and seems to have control over his haki as well. To what level is unknown as well, though Blackbeard addressed the young man by saying 'meeting another king' which I believe is an indication that he is..." (chapter 59) The paragraph goes on even longer, but to divvy it up, you could just- "Sir, the participant seems to be a young man of impressive height, only wearing a pair of trousers. He, as well, possesses a devil fruit of the zoan type and seems to have control over his haki as well." As if to heighten the *******, he dabbed the sweat between his brows, before continuing. "To what level is unknown as well, though Blackbeard addressed the young man by saying 'meeting another king' which I believe is an indication that he is..." Doesn't that feel a lot more flowy and realistic? Usually people irl don't just talk in a huge block without doing anything else. The section I pulled this quote from was extremely long, but webnovel doesn't allow copy and pasting, for good reason. So I only took a little piece of it to show what you could do. Anyways, fight scenes and info dumps are the absolute worst things to put into a huge and chunky paragraph, since you're supposed to be closely following what's going on. So please, divvy these paragraphs up.
bobbarker12:well, can't argue against your statement since I never considered what it would look like on a phone. I'm writing on a computer, so that's that. Maybe I'll change that some time. Thanks for the feedback mate^^
bobbarker12:well, can't argue against your statement since I never considered what it would look like on a phone. I'm writing on a computer, so that's that. Maybe I'll change that some time. Thanks for the feedback mate^^
Y'all acting like he gets paid to write this novel I'm sure it would be proper if he was getting paid to write lol
ArgosYesu:Actual books have proper paragraphs with proper lengths. Each para has a certain job to fulfill and doesn’t do anything more than that lest it get too long and boring. For instance your first long paragraph (first chapter, after the first sentence which shows the location) could be divided into two. First is the MC and his name and the orphanage. The second is how long he was there and what it provided as well as his thoughts on the overall setting. Then you could combine parts of the paragraphs last few lines with those of the next paragraph beginning to show the ‘underworld’ and what it was. The rest of that paragraph is then fine on its own. With that I just divided two long-ass paragraphs into four with each having specific topics. Nothing so drastic has to happen for every long paragraph, but it isn’t hard. And if you’re wondering why I say these are long, you should try and read this in a phone. A literal wall of text. Probably half the screen on a computer or laptop screen but still long. Better than some stories where I saw text walls longer than a computer screen.
bobbarker12:thanks for the review, though if you have such problems with long paragraphs then I wonder how you read actual books for instance^^
Tafara:I too love it if he get paid for his work. But, the point is he as a writer do need to enhance his work to get paid or maybe just get it better for his own satisfaction. That friend over there try to help him as he move forward to make it happens. Not that i criticize you, but just to give some people who might think like we as reader don't need to correct however the author way to write his work. Maybe some author have their own way to express their writing style. But this time is not about it. It's more to how to correct thing so it easier to read and how literally rules world work.
