Review Detail of Ilumie in Grandpa Universe In Multiverse [COMPLETE]

Thank you, you just saved me a lot of my time...

You have **** taste in novels.

He saved none of your time in fact he took the time you would have used to read this book and turned it into time you will spend cleaning up spilt milk GoT Arc I didn’t enjoy and this entire thing is a power fantasy but we’re here more for the wholesome moments he spends with his adopted children their are fight scenes but that fight scenes would actually be classified as wiping the floor with your enemy’s body

someones hostile

dude this novel isn't really going to focus on enemies, fights, and shi.t it's going to focus on the relationship between the characters

To be honest you just read up to chap 4 dude so how can you actually give a good review of this when it's not even that far into the fic along with a character doesn't need humor And if you stick to the 'charms' it ruins the fic cause it doesn't give a sense of him being otherworldly now I haven't read the fic but from what you have said your just a stickler for something that only appears every once in a while most fics are fantasy's there just better disguised this one just doesn't pull its punches on its 'power fantasy' so dude ACTUALLY read a dam arc or don't give a dam review! that's practically useless when you cant give examples

Its more on slice of life

Why should I spend more than six chapters on a novel that already basically guarantees that nothing will be even remotely challenging for the protagonist? Usually when you write an overpowered character while there may not be physical challenges but you make sure that there are emotional ones. Maby you'll question your own morals in a situation of allpower, where you can basically decide over anyones fate. Or your character will realise that no matter their power they can not be everywhere at the same time and people they care about may have to suffer simply because they weren't there for them. Even some of the most basic challenges like is it even worth to have mortal friends or lovers when you know that you'll indefinitely outlast them? Won't eternity make you indifferent to anything mortal? I can't see any of that kind of conflict happen in this story, and while wholesome grandpa is a decent enough character setup but i can't see it having enough charm to carry a story without any real substance. It also robs the novel worlds of the charm that might make up for it's lacking original substance. The magical wonder of Harry Potter is replaced by modern weaponry. The multi dimensional original characters are turned into two dimensional stereotypes that only vaguely resembles their origin. It's like someone asked you to describe the characters in 3 words and made that their entire character, they kind of seem like NPCs: the kind stressed mother, the exited humble father, the cute rambunctious children, the mean vicious bully, the ruthless cunning criminal. They have no soul just a bland soup of wholesome!

Read my response to RimuruMidoriya as to why I don't even consider it adequate slice of life

And you seem awfully well versed in constructive criticism

Still better than 99% of the fan fics on here. Most of those have 'genius' MCs who struggle to do basic maths. To be honest, the main selling points are: non-harem, elderly protagonist and interactions with the kids. While it has many flaws, its still a good read compared to the other sht on this site.

I agree that the no harem aspect was a big selling point for me but I refuse to accept exhausting mediocre as my standard. I know that it's unlikely to find much great on this site but I at least expect good to a degree. If you're looking for wholesome childcare and no-harem, I'd recommend Demon's Virtue, though it has a slightly stronger focus on action, the mc isn't elderly and is arguably mentally disabled at the beginning, all the characters seem vivid and alive, the MC's motivations though not human in the beginning can be understood and felt by the reader. I also like that it has actual character development and understands the concept of cause and effect. Don't get me wrong it's not flawless either and can be annoying at times but it's leagues better than this soup of nothing.

It isn't a fanfic but an original novel though

But all the characters are so flat they can be fully described in three words, both the original world's as well as the in-world characters have lost any depth needed to make a novel that focuses on character interaction, motivations and relationships even remotely interesting. I get that not every novel has to be face-slapping super harem simulator and I am profoundly thankful for that but this novel has nothing. Normally you can compensate for lacking character depth with some over the top Action scenes but if your focus is meant to be character and world building you need to make sure that those are properly fleshed out. No action doesn't mean that there shouldn't be any *******. Some of the most tense and interesting novels I've read lack any action, but even tiny seemingly inconsequential struggles are absolutely captivating and intense through proper writing that makes you feel with the characters. No drizzling some sad backstory exposition on your characters, doesn't mean that they are suddenly fleshed out characters, especially if you as the reader don't feel any mental consequences for that peculiar character. That's like Disney killing of every protagonists parents simply out of principle. A well fleshed out character makes you feel for and with them from the first chapter, they feel like a person not some 2 dimensional NPC

It cant really be classified as an original novel when 99% of it is based on other works.

Ill try it. Hopefully its not like a chinese Wuzia novel which is the same thing over and over again for 1000 chapters.

So your 1st point is the MC is overly OP with all kind of perks he have and there will be no challenge? Sure there is no challenge, why? Because the MC is designed to be OP, pls read the TAG, the OPnes of MC ofc will be different in every other novel, so i think the author read as he described am i wrong? Your 2nd point is there no emotional point in the story, do only despair, sad, dispirit, angry, andany other negative aspect include in your definition of emotion? I think emotion is something including something positive that can make reader feel happy or heart warm, but sure if you try to find your despair, angry, sadnes in this story you will find little to no part of it something like revenge or noble kill mc family, or chick hunting stuff like that. Your 3rd point is the mc use some otherworldly means to counter the problem he has in other world? From my point of view the title of the story is ............ Multiverse, so you got my point, right? Lastly, this story is fanfiction made based on the other story, why the need to describe the character you already know? What i say is it will be waste of the already short chapter to describe the character you already know, somethinglike luffy is bla bla bla until 2 or 3 paragraph, i already know WHO is Luffy why i need to read the description of Luffy? So my point is, you only read some chapter and act like all knowing and blabing all stuff like the author make the story bland bla bla bla, ya from my point of view all your statement can help the author to be better but it i think you need to review what you wrote and compare it with the reality before commenting on something like substance in the story? Every person have their point of view, what they get based on their mind, what they want affect what they get, it is something like what you expect from the story to be there.

1.) My first problem isn't the fact that MC is OP but the fact that every problem faced can be solved simply by the MC being OP. There are sufficient possibilities to make someone face challenges despite or even because of their overwhelming power. If you set your story out to be emotional than the emotional aspects of it shouldn't simply be resolved by, "Oh there's a problem, no worries, all-powerful MC is here and poof the problem is gone just like that. 2.) You gave a very abridged version of what I said there. No I'm not looking for some all edge everything is horrible and no one should be happy, everyone has to be sad all the time story, of course positive emotions are also important and I am all for touching happy stories, but even happy storys can't go completely without conflict or else the emotional scene at the end just isn't erned. Everything is just great no one has to do anything, because everything is already perfect from the get go and what isn't perfect yet will be made perfect, *POOF* just like that, by the protagonist, doesn't really make for a good story. Even shows like the "care bears" which I watched as a literal baby got that right: 'One bear doesn't want to share with the others and wants all the good things to himself which makes his friends sad and he finds himself all alone because he always thinks about himself first. In the end he learns that good things can be even better if you enjoy them together with the people you care about.' There you have it conflict, resolution and even some character development, despite being the literal meaning of a happy go lucky kids show. Where has conflict started to equal dark edgy story in your mind. Conflict is a core aspect of any half-way decent story. Take one of my favorite Anime "Usagi Drop" for example it is simply a sweet story about a single father raising his daughter, yet it also depicts the struggles he faces raising a child on his own despite his lack of experience. The fact that you know how hard he had to work for those happy scenes and how much effort he is putting in just to give his daughter a happy life is what makes you feel for the character, tiny seemingly inconsequential conflicts can give so much life to a story as long as you show how important they are in this little world and they are essential to fleshing out a character. Without any conflict a character may forever remain bland and flat, there is no room for character development where there isn't any conflict. 3.) I'm not saying that otherworldly means necessarily ruin a story, but if the fact that it is a fanfiction and you get to revisit all your favorite worlds is all that you have going for your story, because it is so bland otherwise, you can at least try to get that right. 4.) Where did I ever say that you need a paragraph long description of the characters the reader already knows I'm all for the 'show don't tell' rule. But that is exactly the issue I have with this story, what I'm shown are not the lovable characters that I already know but heavily abridged shadows of themselves. They don't seem alive and interesting anymore, instead their more like caricatures of character we know. Since you put Luffy in the room let's take him for example, and give a short description of his character, so he's usually happy, a little dumb, he cares a lot about his nakama, and he can fight well. Good that's it, that is his whole character now, what you want to see him express all his feelings and explore his character on a deeper level, no, he is supposed to be *happy*, huh, you want him to resolve conflict by talking and expressing his passionate side, no way, he's too *dumb* for that, he'll just *beat the issue up* and then he has be *happy* again, that's all there is to his character! It's honestly painful to see your favorite characters be so badly butchered up just to fit into the two-dimensional storyline. So yeah, hope that cleared up some of my arguments

I forgot to make my last comment a reply to this post, look it up to clarify some of my arguments.

Umm did you know there are novels not focused on fighting?