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Review Detail of PettyOfficer in Unfathomable Patriarch

Review detail

PettyOfficer
PettyOfficerLv64yrPettyOfficer

Mediocre with cringe sprinkled on it. The writing was decent until the trainwreck of POV shifts that popular novels suffer from. From there, we get the repetition of events, but with slightly more info from another character. At times, the grammar suffers. There can be run-on sentences and the descriptions sometimes repeat themselves too. Example: “Most of them preferred to hunt though, it was the most honorable type of work in the tribe, hunting down beasts and protecting your family was an honor for these people.” Fixed: “Protecting your family was an honor for these people, but most of them preferred hunting down beasts, which was the most honorable type of work in the tribe. Suggested: “Most of them preferred hunting down beasts, since it protected their family, which was the most honorable type of work in the tribe.” The updates look to be regular, with 9 or less page chapters. The story looked promising until it hit the brick wall of the tribesmen. Instead of heading to the city and getting ready to build up his sect, he helps random people and stays with them. Cue the pages and pages of backstory for them and then how they feel. If the author wanted a more organic story, he could have the MC ask the tribesmen for their story, instead of being forced to switch to the tribesmen’s POV and tell us. Show, don’t tell. Like, you could’ve had an emotional moment with that young tribesman by having him cry about his suffering. Instead, we watch like voyeurs on National Geographic. With characters, the MC is pathetic. There should be a missing “comedy” tag, but it’s cringeworthy to watch. He has all this power and is reduced to idly standing by. Like wtf? When he was following the tribesmen, why tf did he disappear? So many unnecessary conflicts happen. The other characters are described, but you can’t really care about them since it reads like an infodump. It’s the problem of telling instead of showing. The world background is just there in between forced reoccurring gags that the MC is dumb or messes up.

altalt

Unfathomable Patriarch

kuropon8

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Replies1

Doruk_C
Doruk_CLv13Doruk_C

I agree