Webnovelavatar

Review Detail of Passwortknacker in I Became a God?

Review detail

Passwortknacker
PasswortknackerAuthor1yrPasswortknacker

I guess I can't say no to a classic 5* self-review, can I? .

alt

I Became a God?

Passwortknacker

Liked by 4 people

LIKE

Replies8

MoonlessLotusLake
MoonlessLotusLakeLv6MoonlessLotusLake

Will you continue posting even after the contest?

Passwortknacker
PasswortknackerAuthorPasswortknacker

Yes, I do intend to. I am really busy right now so I can probably just provide about one chapter per week, but I will definitely pick up the pace sometime next year if it is popular with the readers ^^

MoonlessLotusLake:Will you continue posting even after the contest?
amanasci
amanasciLv4amanasci

I hope you can try my novel "Throne of World" I hope you'll love it!!😊😊 It's shameless promotion for Contest#94 Please vote me and rate me..

Passwortknacker
PasswortknackerAuthorPasswortknacker

I will try it out! I can't spare any votes right now as I am taking part myself xD But I will definitely leave an honest review with as much constructive feedback as possible!

amanasci:I hope you can try my novel "Throne of World" I hope you'll love it!!😊😊 It's shameless promotion for Contest#94 Please vote me and rate me..
amanasci
amanasciLv4amanasci

Thanks. Since I am a newbie, I'll love to hear others review to enhance my work. 😊😊

Passwortknacker:I will try it out! I can't spare any votes right now as I am taking part myself xD But I will definitely leave an honest review with as much constructive feedback as possible!
Passwortknacker
PasswortknackerAuthorPasswortknacker

Ok, I sure hope you like constructive feedback ... No srsly, if you are faint-hearted you might want to skip this, I am quite infamous among my friends to be annoyingly precise as well as a mean but honest critic... if, however, you really want to improve your writing, I would suggest you take it to heart and try fixing the points I will tell you about one after another. Positives first, I think your idea is not bad and can certainly be successful if done well, you also incorporate a certain humorous essence, which can be entertaining. That is were the problems start however. For your technique, I am pretty sure that you are not a native speaker (neither am I) and you probably do not use english a lot in daily life either, that is not a problem, but it shows. As a result your sentence structure tend to be a bit weird and unnatural sometimes, also you use a lot of adjectives, that do not really fit the context. This is very hard to fix and the only way to improve is probably lots and lots of training. Read real books in english, watch series and movies, talk to people. Now on to the parts you can improve, right now and with little effort. You should immediately go and download grammarly, it's a keyboard app that automatically checks for common grammar and spelling errors and fixes them for you (at least it tries). This would instantly get rid of 75% of the mistakes you do. Dont get me wrong, your spelling is not bad, but grammar is an issue sometimes. For example, you dont know how the genetive works. I used to have a lot of problems with this at the start, but grammarly fixes that 100% of the time, as well as punctuation errors. It is "boy's" instead of "boy' " by the way, I know its confusing. Also watch out for extra spaces and such, but well, grammarly fixes those as well. The next biggest thing about your writing style is quite literally your writing style. You tend to describe things in a "beat around the bush" fashion a lot instead of calling them by the name, dont shy away from using a dictionary, there is no shame in that I use one all the time while writing. Many sentences come out weird or just sound super unnatural even though they are grammatically correct, I think this is a literature problem though. Try reading some fantasy classics, like Tolkien in english and if you internalize his style it should improve a lot. The next and last part would be ideas and background as well as character creation. Oh boy. So, the idea u used is neither new nor anything very original, that is fine and actually helpful for the start, but keep an eye on plagiarism. There is literally a book called "the world domination system" I think you should change the name a tiny bit or give it your own spin a bit more obviously. What really hits home though, is that you did not think in the meta plane while creating the setting. These points me be a bit advanced for a self proclaimed beginner but I will tell you nonetheless. Choosing your character to be an absolute ultimate genius is not a very good idea for a beginner. It may seem counterintuitive but it is true. First, it ruins the immersion. Your mediocre readers can't put themselves in the MC's shoes and thus it is a lot harder to create some proper affection for the character. That is the reason why most novels here use run of the mill good for nothing main characters. Making a complex and special one that your audience feels for is just that much harder, believe me. Also you have added another problem because of this background. Your mc is probably way smarter than you are! That's a real problem. You can't make a character like that act or behave in a realistic way, it is not impossible, but it does need some major literal talent and I personally can't do it. For now, your mc does not even behave or talk in any relatable way and much less than an absolute super genius. Would a super genius need so much time to figure everything out? Would a super genius need the help of the system for

amanasci:Thanks. Since I am a newbie, I'll love to hear others review to enhance my work. 😊😊
Passwortknacker
PasswortknackerAuthorPasswortknacker

Would a super genius need so much time to figure everything out? Would a super genius need the help of the system for every little thing and minor question? He also seems to lack some normal human behavior, which may be attributed to trying to hard. It is easiest to write an mc that is as similar to yourself as possible, so that you know how you would feel in exactly that kind of situation and describe it as detailed as possible. So you should choose your background wisely and stick to it in any possible way. That leads me to the world building. You chose to randomly isekai the MC into literally modern day earth? I won't question, why a socially awkward shut in chose to play the hero in the first place or why some random pedestrians would choose to possibly mob a random driver to death?! Or why do they surround him like that? But, if your MC reincarnated into a modern day earth society, why bother having him reincarnate at all? You could easily give him the system just like that for some reason and play it our like a serious magical realism story about chasing power, or whatever the system wants. Smart move by the way, making the system evil. The thing is, it feels like unnecessary effort to have him reincarnate to be... almost the same person in almost the same world? And also think about the system. Does it behave like a person? Is it an advanced ai or a static, emotionless program? Has it a higher goal to accomplish or a creator and why was this mc exactly chosen as the host? Dont make these things clear from chapter one, but thinking about these questions will make it a lot easier to write about it and their interactions in the future because their goals and backgrounds should play a major role in their behavior. Well, that's about it from me. I think if you can intently and seriously work on all these points then nothing will hold you back in becoming a successful author. Also it would really help you to check out the book of authors (yes, it is called like that) and you should REALLY read it. Maybe take notes. And btw, Throne of World is not grammatically correct, it should be The Throne of the World or World's Throne for short. I am also a newby author so take what I say with a pinch of salt, but i did a lot of research on writing techniques. 👍 Good luck with working on your story and keep writing!

amanasci:Thanks. Since I am a newbie, I'll love to hear others review to enhance my work. 😊😊
Passwortknacker
PasswortknackerAuthorPasswortknacker

Also, don't take anything I said too seriously! When I started out...I basically just managed to get the grammar right and the rest was luck xD. The most important thing is to keep writing and working on oneself. I would however recommend rewriting the chapters u have done so far, at least run them through grammarly once and see if the changes it proposes make sense ^^ good luck and I hope you can leave me some feedback for one of my own stories as well!

amanasci:Thanks. Since I am a newbie, I'll love to hear others review to enhance my work. 😊😊