Review Detail of Jin_Daoran in Little Girl's Wild Side

Yo, you asked for a review, so here goes: 1. The biggest problem with this story is that it's not been edited. The grammar is mid-level, but it gets better as the story goes on. I suggest downloading Grammarly if you can't anyone -- it's not a perfect editor but it'll help a lot with the basic mistakes and spelling. 2. Try not to shift between first person and third person in the same sentence. For instance, in the first chapter there was 'his mom asked her some questions regarding my studies and other general stuff and she answered them politely as she can.' There are other times it happens in the story and it stands out negatively. Referring to the same sentence, keep the language precise. Use words like 'stuff' sparingly or not at all. It would be better to just enumerate directly, like 'studies, the weather, the state of the nation, the heat in Bangalore, the rice of bananas in Puerto Rico' and so on. Being more precise with language gets you more pro points, haha! It just looks more professional and reads better. 3. The draw of a romance is the push and pull between two main leads, and the ******* it causes with the surrounding characters. One way of the best and simplest methods to show ******* in a romance is DIALOGUE. Your story's too descriptive. In most cases, too descriptive means too passive. A romance can be gentle, it can be slow, it can be enduring, but definitely should not be passive. I'm not saying you should make them scream and shout at each other all the time or write a story where the characters just talk without doing something...I'd drop that kind of story like a hot pan. More dialogue between the major characters, between the main leads and secondary characters, between different secondary characters, is a way of adding more depth and ******* to the story. A romance novel is best written with 60% dialogue and 40% description. Don't ask me which book that was written in, 'cause it's been so long I don't remember, haha... 4. Is the last chapter the end? It's a rather unsatisfying end, yo... The story in general has too little *******. Try adding a little more conflict here and there. TL;DR Shore up your writing basics, get an editor, let your character's actions be your description, polish your dialogue. The writing lacks ******* but it has potential. There are more than a few guides to writing romance and fiction in general that can be downloaded. Keep on writing and don't give up! You just need more experience.