Review Detail of Sly_Lyon in The Evernon Saga: Journey of Ascension, A Struggle for Godhood

This was a strange read. I should be bored whilst reading through this. The plot is bland and nonexistent at times, the characters are nothing special, the dialogue is boring and expected, the tempo of the story feels suffocating at times. But the keyword there is "should be", because honest to god I wasn't. When I started reading this I said to myself I'd read through the entire novel in order to review it. The first four chapters I had to force myself through, but after that, I started naturally reading the story without having to put any effort into it. I enjoyed the story. I think it's because the world you have created is really really something else. The world feels like the odd one out, of all the other story traits. If this was a competitive game and each section was a player, the world would be carrying hard. I find it well made, and incredibly interesting. The powers, the cities, the power scalings, the tests all of that was amazing. I also have to tell you that your vocabulary is amazing. It really is good, you describe everything you want to describe precicely how you want it. Your grammar is also good, and your sentence structure is very formal and right. This makes it so that you can say what you want to say and convey an idea very clearly. Keyword, idea. Have you ever heard of the advice "show, don't tell", I doubt it. Because through your story there was a whole lot of tell and very very little show. Usually, this type of writing gets boring, but because your world is so interesting, I didn't mind you telling me about it instead of showing me. “By the time he reached home, the sun had risen, and most of birkstead’s inhabitants were awake and about”, this sentence is really easy to translate into a showing instead of telling. The first four chapters were without a plot, there was no conflict, no plot and no reason for me to read on. The plot is what makes the story I think because without plot it's just an info dump. That's what I feel your story is at points, a massive info dump. Once again, because of the great world, you have built I don't mind as much. When they depart towards the capital, I think is when the plot really started picking up. It made the entire story a lot more interesting which was good. I think I even read you typing, "world-building arc" somewhere. Which was a completely new word for me, I don't think you are going about your world building arc properly. Sometimes underselling is key, and it's tricky but you have to find creative avenues of sneaking in world-building. I know it's kind of a dilemma to have such a great world but to restrict yourself to not showing it for the story but that's what makes writing so difficult. The dialogue felt bland because at times it felt forced and you didn't put personalities into dialogues. “As expected, he’s not the brightest with his head but his combat sense is blinding!”, the first chapter has this thought prompt, he was six here, nobody thinks like this whilst they are six. Intelligence plays no part in this, the wording and emphasis is what makes me think its bland. There were also parts in dialogue where I thought, would THEY really speak like this? My answer: no. I think all the characters you introduced seemed slightly cliché. Aiden felt like a breath of personality, it showed in how he spoke and in his actions. I don't feel the same way about the other characters in the novel. I don't know why, the former pirate was strict and showed piratey actions(like bullying and insisting being called captain), the tier 4 demi-god was infuriated when spoken disrespectfully to by mortals, His friend which was talented but dumber did act dumber then William. Still, I can't put words to it, there was something crucial missing about those characthers. Chapter 14, in particular, felt really weird to read through. So far, I read about William and his best friend, not about Ronald. So when such an important conflict arises, why do you not show me the people I care about? Fair enough that you give me a chapter after that but I felt it not necessary to see Ronald's actions. At least show me the important fight before the world-building fight. Overall, GJ.