Review Detail of Wallabalooza in illicit relationship
Review detail
The grammar and spelling is really, really bad. Yes, the author already acknowledged this and asked people not to complain about it, but in the end, it is such a major part of a story that there is no getting around it either way. You should simply not start writing and posting things like this before you reach a basic level of how to present a story. Somehow you have an editor and proofreader, yet the result is still this horrifying. I can only dread what the first draft is like. My advice to you if you want to keep posting your stories is to look for someone else to edit and correct your chapters, because the one you're using right now is basically worthless. The content is even worse than the grammar, somehow. A creepy ass guy beats up "thugs" and then proceeds to extremely awkwardly "flirt" with the woman he saved until he got her pants off. That whole sequence of flirting read like something out of a 14 year old kid's fantasies. It has no basis in reality or actual human behavior. Same with the aunt and mother. They see him naked and just start having sex immediately. It is not only completely childish writing, it is just bad storytelling altogether. A lot of the fun in a relationship is in the chase, in overcoming obstacles and feeling like you have achieved something when you finally reach your goal. The draw to taboo stories is that there is a sense of danger and conflict even /after/ the relationship has started, that there is some reluctance and breaking of rules. You ignored all of this. Even if your grammar was perfect, your story would still be borderline unreadable. Work harder on yourself as a writer before posting things. This right here is the equivalent of a 5 year old making a finger-painting and wanting to show it off in an art gallery. You're just not ready.
illicit relationship
Shooting_Star
Liked by 52 people
LIKEReplies9
I love how authors ask people not to complain about their grammar and spelling. They might as well also ask people to not complain about their plot either! Or rather, not complain at all. đ A large majority of the issues could be easily fixed if they put it into a word document and used spell/grammar checker, but they donât. Since they donât, itâs on them. If they donât care, why should we?
Well, rather than making a whole review in this one I'd rather give an update in this one that in my opinion is really detailed: Grammar: The author has somehow managed to fix most of his grammatical errors and they are minimal, however... The presentation and usage of English is just horrible, the lack of synonymous is the most accentuated I've ever read in this site (this is not the worst grammar I've read, The Multiverse Conqueror wins that price, but it is the least diverse) Characters: Ok, I've to agree and disagree with the writer of this review... I'm not an ****** expert (thanks god)... But I believe the pleasure of reading it lies in two places: The risk and the change. The risk is totally lacking in this novel because there is no fear of no one ever knowing because most ****** scenarios occur in their house, and they live in their house alone without anyone ever visiting or making scenarios that might suggest something wrong is going on with this family so basically: 1.- The mother and aunt are totally asocial and don't ever take anyone or invite anyone to their house, nobody's point of view is shown as to why the mother and aunt behave so weirdly around their son. 2.- The MC triangle between MC x Mother x Aunt is precisely like that, no one else is involved (it is ridiculous to me that the mother and aunt being as gorgeous and sexy as they're and working in a public environment by themselves in the middle of fking china... And nobody is courting them...) However, I have to disagree with the author in something here and that is the 'change' that's how I call it. Usually, when there is an ******uous relationship in a novel, the author opts for making the female party behave more like the MC's woman rather than a said family member. Basically, the woman stops being the MC's aunt to say an example and now she's the MC's woman (sometimes even in public) and for me, that's not the proper way of leading an ****** genre novel. In this case tho the author makes the mother Ye Xueyin act so motherly and spoiled that it makes me hard to believe that she's jumping up to his crotch and impaling herself every night if you know what I mean... This is good because that's the way it 'should' be, but the author didn't take full advantage of this environment he just made, by making them expose themselves to the public and get into different circumstances that would make their relationship more 'spicy' That said, most characters are very well written, but some aren't and authors know therefore fixing his mistakes later in the story. Storyline: This novel goes from bad to good and then from good to better but never reaching excellent, in the beginning, it was only romance based but the romance was also not very well written, however little by little that's changing and MC is having more meaningful moments with his girls (something other authors don't do) His business growth takes a more important role later on, rather than just romance and also the relationships stabilize. MC is a little twisted with his enemies and an advocate of genre 'equity' but in the latest chapters he just tortured a woman in a way I didn't like, especially when she was just indirectly involved with the damage that was done to him (the woman's son offended him twice, he let him go once and he came back again, causing him massive loses) what did he do? torture the whole family but the mother's torture was worse... I didn't like it but well... Overall I'd suggest the author rewrites this whole novel when he increases his skills in English and also with his current experience he should make a rewrite of the first 200 or so chapters which he will obviously not make but well. Greetings.
Photosphere:Well, rather than making a whole review in this one I'd rather give an update in this one that in my opinion is really detailed: Grammar: The author has somehow managed to fix most of his grammatical errors and they are minimal, however... The presentation and usage of English is just horrible, the lack of synonymous is the most accentuated I've ever read in this site (this is not the worst grammar I've read, The Multiverse Conqueror wins that price, but it is the least diverse) Characters: Ok, I've to agree and disagree with the writer of this review... I'm not an ****** expert (thanks god)... But I believe the pleasure of reading it lies in two places: The risk and the change. The risk is totally lacking in this novel because there is no fear of no one ever knowing because most ****** scenarios occur in their house, and they live in their house alone without anyone ever visiting or making scenarios that might suggest something wrong is going on with this family so basically: 1.- The mother and aunt are totally asocial and don't ever take anyone or invite anyone to their house, nobody's point of view is shown as to why the mother and aunt behave so weirdly around their son. 2.- The MC triangle between MC x Mother x Aunt is precisely like that, no one else is involved (it is ridiculous to me that the mother and aunt being as gorgeous and sexy as they're and working in a public environment by themselves in the middle of fking china... And nobody is courting them...) However, I have to disagree with the author in something here and that is the 'change' that's how I call it. Usually, when there is an ******uous relationship in a novel, the author opts for making the female party behave more like the MC's woman rather than a said family member. Basically, the woman stops being the MC's aunt to say an example and now she's the MC's woman (sometimes even in public) and for me, that's not the proper way of leading an ****** genre novel. In this case tho the author makes the mother Ye Xueyin act so motherly and spoiled that it makes me hard to believe that she's jumping up to his crotch and impaling herself every night if you know what I mean... This is good because that's the way it 'should' be, but the author didn't take full advantage of this environment he just made, by making them expose themselves to the public and get into different circumstances that would make their relationship more 'spicy' That said, most characters are very well written, but some aren't and authors know therefore fixing his mistakes later in the story. Storyline: This novel goes from bad to good and then from good to better but never reaching excellent, in the beginning, it was only romance based but the romance was also not very well written, however little by little that's changing and MC is having more meaningful moments with his girls (something other authors don't do) His business growth takes a more important role later on, rather than just romance and also the relationships stabilize. MC is a little twisted with his enemies and an advocate of genre 'equity' but in the latest chapters he just tortured a woman in a way I didn't like, especially when she was just indirectly involved with the damage that was done to him (the woman's son offended him twice, he let him go once and he came back again, causing him massive loses) what did he do? torture the whole family but the mother's torture was worse... I didn't like it but well... Overall I'd suggest the author rewrites this whole novel when he increases his skills in English and also with his current experience he should make a rewrite of the first 200 or so chapters which he will obviously not make but well. Greetings.
Brymr:Oi has it changed anymore from where you read, like gotten any better ?
1. What right do you have to tell him when to start writing his story? 2. He will get better by practiceing and posting not sitting around and waiting till he gets better before he posts 3. Lay of if you're giving advance would it not be better and more effective to give it like someone who actually what's to help and not in a way that doesn't make the author feel like his been scheduled do it. 4. If you don't like his way of story telling you could always try reading another book or better yet writing your own story.
vail_9733:1. What right do you have to tell him when to start writing his story? 2. He will get better by practiceing and posting not sitting around and waiting till he gets better before he posts 3. Lay of if you're giving advance would it not be better and more effective to give it like someone who actually what's to help and not in a way that doesn't make the author feel like his been scheduled do it. 4. If you don't like his way of story telling you could always try reading another book or better yet writing your own story.
vail_9733:1. What right do you have to tell him when to start writing his story? 2. He will get better by practiceing and posting not sitting around and waiting till he gets better before he posts 3. Lay of if you're giving advance would it not be better and more effective to give it like someone who actually what's to help and not in a way that doesn't make the author feel like his been scheduled do it. 4. If you don't like his way of story telling you could always try reading another book or better yet writing your own story.
Like, dude. This guy's novel is a fanservice in itself. I'm not saying it's bad for him to start writing. Everyone starts somewhere, including me. But the main point of novels is the story and grammar. If he can't achieve even one of those, what's the point? I only started reading this out of curiosity. The moment I started reading I knew I wouldn't like it. It's obvious why, it's because I'm a female. I don't enjoy content like this; perhaps because of my female mindset this comment won't mean much to you. Truth to be told, I like how the author writes despite the hate. What I'm saying is the novel is clearly directed at guys instead of girls. That's why the author is quite naive for not making that remark clear in the first place.
vail_9733:1. What right do you have to tell him when to start writing his story? 2. He will get better by practiceing and posting not sitting around and waiting till he gets better before he posts 3. Lay of if you're giving advance would it not be better and more effective to give it like someone who actually what's to help and not in a way that doesn't make the author feel like his been scheduled do it. 4. If you don't like his way of story telling you could always try reading another book or better yet writing your own story.