webnovel
Nyanodesu
NyanodesuLv134yr
2019-12-19 08:49

Sigh. I went into this novel with high hopes, but returned feeling despondent. One of my favorite things to read about are leveling systems, and I don't mind the occasional girls' love, but the things that really killed this book for me was the grammar and the huge gaps in logic. Honestly, I don't know what to say. The grammar isn't as bad as on some of the other books on this site, but that doesn't detract from how atrocious it is in the slightest. Maybe it gets better later on, but if the grammar was the only thing wrong, then I wouldn't be dropping this so soon. No, what's really wrong is the ****e character design, sloppy story development, lazy world background, and the dumb logic the author uses. Fifteen chapters in, and we basically know nothing about the world, other than the fact that there is a school, some companies, her home, and the fact that it's set in a modern information age. That's it. Not horrible, just a bit lazy. The story development so far is boring. That's the only word I can use to describe it. The leveling system takes a bit of time to get started, I get it, but currently the author is adding some 'young master straight out of a xianxia gets offended' sub-plot, which really just made me want to die. Not because of the premise, nor the cliche, but because of how fucking badly it's done, and how forced it feels. Like really? A young company heir with a net worth of 10 mil can't even hire any subordinates, and has to do the dirty work himself? Then he gets offended when he can't successfully kidnap someone? Talk about forced logic. Then comes the hail mary, the holy fucking grail, the character design. Oh boy. We're made to believe that the protagonist is just your average gamer girl, but is that all she is? Oh no, she's also a warrior, a survivor. After surviving in the forest for 6 hours while hunting slimes, she became strong. Then, upon hearing about people wanting to kidnap her (because of her super opop senses that she got from kicking some slime ass ofc) she walks them into an alley (ok, we can make a stretch and say that she got overconfident after beating up some slimes), and then she proceeds to actually beat down two fully grown men. Yes, her stats are high, but that doesn't mean she can knock out a trained professional(lmao jk it was just some stupid fucking company heir that doesn't even have a developed enough brain to even THINK about hiring trained fucking professionals to do his dirty work). Then, after beating them up, she proceeds to strip them half-naked and take pictures instead of calling the police, such a normal thing for a normal gamer girl to do, right? Also, the author makes the mc metagame(mc's sixth sense) by referencing 'I alone level up' when there was nothing pointing towards the system having such mechanics. The author does update pretty regularly though, I'll give him that. Overall, I can't read one paragraph without thinking "God, that's fucking dumb". But hey, that's just my opinion, I'm sure that non native English speakers who haven't passed third grade English classes and people who don't mind reading braindead novels for fun would enjoy this. It's just not something for me. Writing Quality 1/5 (Yeah, not for grammar nazis, or anyone with a modicum of self respect) Stability of Updates 4/5 (Only part of this novel that is good) Story Development 3/5 (Gets a pass because system novels are normally slow) Character Design 1/5 (Again, fucking atrocious) World Background 3/5 (Lazy) Sorry about the harsh review, but I really can't put it in a nicer way, even after trying a few times. That's just how much I dislike the book. If you want some constructive criticism, then I'll give you some things you can do to make it a bit more bearable to read. First, find a better editor, preferably a native English speaker. Second, go over and revise your old chapters to make sure that what's happening makes sense from a normal persons point of view. You don't become badass just from killing a few slimes for 6 hours. It just doesn't happen. You also can't accurately hit a moving target with no prior training while using a weapon. It just doesn't happen. Your main character is a gamer girl. Remember to always run a scene through the perspective of your main character, not through your own. Also make sure that your writing stays true to the personality of the characters you write about. A gamer doesn't go from having no social life and no training to being a badass pussy slayer that can slaughter entire nations without the blink of an eye. It just doesn't happen. That's about all I can give you with what little I could stomach to read.

Liked by 126 people

LIKE
Replies15
Ghaneza
GhanezaLv14

Thanks for the review. I would have listed it on my reading list if it hadn't been for you. Thanks again for the enlightenment... 😊

anime_Lover_6604
anime_Lover_6604Lv1

for me i didnt like it because i feel like reading a cheap rip off of solo leveling

95_novel_maniac_95
95_novel_maniac_95Lv5

thanks...

TonioG04
TonioG04Lv14

thx, just thx

MissMilitia
MissMilitiaLv10

calm down son it's just a novel

AeonCDG
AeonCDGLv12

I shall review your review with no prior knowledge of the story at all. 9/10 Perfect amount of harshness and constructive criticism and not just telling someone they're bad. I only put 9/10 because I have an incredibly vague feeling that there is something missing.

Limit_of_Infinity
Limit_of_InfinityLv4

Tsk tsk gotta kill slimes for at least 300 years

littlesheep
littlesheepLv14

I don't know why you're criticism this novel so much,because I seen lots of worst than this novel. I think this novel better than that novels. also one can say easily I do better than you but when you actually put your hard work's in something only you know how hard it's. so criticism others harshly, u can tell your opinions with some good word's.

AccountRemoved7831
AccountRemoved7831Lv3

just because a novel is better than most, doesnt mean it's good. ranks dont define grade

littlesheep:I don't know why you're criticism this novel so much,because I seen lots of worst than this novel. I think this novel better than that novels. also one can say easily I do better than you but when you actually put your hard work's in something only you know how hard it's. so criticism others harshly, u can tell your opinions with some good word's.
BattleTracs
BattleTracsLv14

Neither does one individual. the whole community does

AccountRemoved7831:just because a novel is better than most, doesnt mean it's good. ranks dont define grade
SolomonBurt
SolomonBurtLv1

your review makes me not want to read it but I feel like the bit where you said non english speakers who havent passed third grade english was a little rude

SolomonBurt
SolomonBurtLv1

I forgot that manga sauce?

Limit_of_Infinity:Tsk tsk gotta kill slimes for at least 300 years
Kyle_Armstrong
Kyle_ArmstrongLv11

ranks do define grade, with nothing to base the criticism off, there could be no criticism. if there were no novels better than this, it would be the best, if those worse than it didn't exist, it would be the worst. ranking and grade are relative to other novels

AccountRemoved7831:just because a novel is better than most, doesnt mean it's good. ranks dont define grade
Daio_Qiz
Daio_QizLv1

Yeah I hope the author is intelligent as well. By intelligent is what I mean, build the MC first into a common sense/scheming girl/someone in mercenaries before proceeding (what's risk here and there) I know it's gonna be kind of weird later in future so, I'm out now. Have fun anybody.

_Hawke_
_Hawke_Lv15

But only 24-26 a day. Every day, slowly getting better.

Limit_of_Infinity:Tsk tsk gotta kill slimes for at least 300 years
Other Reviews
Gourmet_DAO
Gourmet_DAOLv7
Related Stories

Ghost Exorciser: Is Loved By All

Yu Holea was a genius ghost exorcist. Cursed for being a loner she embraced the path of exorcism. At the age of 26, she died. Opening her eyes she realized that she has transmigrated to a character who has the same name as her. Yu Holea was the newly found young miss of the Yu Family. Though everyone disliked her since for them Yu Mei is the true young miss. Everyone looks down on her even her biological brothers. Her Eldest Brother, "Don't even try to get close to me. I hate gold diggers like you. Yu Mei come I will bring you to shopping." Her Gentle Second Brother," The door to get out of here is on the left. Remember not to bully Yu Mei" Her Third Brother, "Uh, don't let me see your disgusting face. Let me see my cute Yu Mei's Face" However, Yu Holea ignored them. She was used to all of this. She focused on her career and earning money instead of love. She was penniless? Huh, she has a long queue of bigshots begging to give her money. Her business empire expands from City S to Capital. She was untalented? She can even summon thunders!! At a high-end party, one of the relatives of the Yu Family saw Yu Holea surrounded by the bigshot of different fields and was shocked to the core. Just as everyone was confused her three brothers arrived and started pampering her. "Lea'er do you want to eat strawberry cake? Call me Big Brother I will feed you the cake." "Lea them, here drink this juice, by the way, why don't you call me Second Brother?" "Little Sister don't listen to them I will protect you from everyone, you just have to call me Third brother." A certain Handsome, Ceo of a top 10 company, "Lea Baby, when are you going to say yes to my proposal?" Yu Holea: Why is everyone looking at her with a doting glance? Follow Yu Holea in her adventure filled with thriller, suspense, and pampering.

LittleRabbit1111 · Fantasy
4.5
605 Chs

Stolen by the Rebel King

As a princess who could not wield magic, Princess Daphne’s only value to her kingdom was her arranged marriage. The task was simple, but when Daphne was kidnapped and brought to the cold mountains of Vramid, she realized that she was in over her head. She had heard of these cursed mountains before― rocky terrain, freezing temperatures, and the land was ruled by a man feared by many within the continent. King Atticus Heinvres, the blood-thirsty ruler of the North. Even though she had never met him before, tales were spread of King Atticus’s ruthlessness. Some said he was a monster, others claimed he was the devil himself, but whatever the story was, everyone knew of the man who had powers beyond anyone’s imagination. He could topple armies and crumble nations with just one wave of his hand, aided by what others rumored to be a cursed obsidian ring. No one outside of Vramid had ever met the fearsome king before. Not until Daphne. However, upon meeting the formidable man, Daphne found out that the king might not really be the monster others had claimed him to be. In fact, what was hidden under that obsidian shield could just be a diamond in the rough. ― [Excerpt] “Now… where should I put you both?” he asked casually, not expecting a reply. “It’s regretful that I only have one chandelier.” “Underneath my bed? No, no, too dirty. My dust bunnies don’t deserve this,” Atticus mused to himself. “The mantlepiece? How about the vanity table? I suppose if I lop off one of your heads I could mount it over… Wife, which head do you want to stare at while you do your hair?” “Atticus!” Daphne screamed. “I don’t want any heads! Let them go.” “Fair enough.” Atticus shrugged, and flicked his fingers. There were two identical cracks as both necks snapped at once. Daphne gasped, horrified. This man, her husband, had just killed two men with a flick of his finger, as though he was snuffing out candles. “I told you to let them go!” Daphne cried out. “Yes, I let them go,” Atticus said. Then, his eyes darkened. “To receive divine judgment from the heavens.” ― Discord Server: https://discord.gg/7HAMK2bRYU

saltedpepper · Fantasy
4.6
578 Chs

Ethereal World: Vicious Cannon Fodder's Immortality Road

Bei YueYue was an unselfishness and a gentle person. Afterwards, she transmigrated and became 'Huang Ying Yue', a female cannon fodder who is being famous for her viciousness, merciless, lustfulness, inhuman and had a nymphomaniac personality in the immortal novel which she just read. In the novel, the original ‘Huang Ying Yue’ has done uncountable evil deeds to offend a lot of the powerful characters inside. Not only the heroine in the novel, even all the heroine’s men in the harem were harassed and abused physically and mentally by ‘her’ in different methods. The road to immortality is full of spicules, hazards, and unforeseeable threats. Evil cultivators, monsters and demons are rampaging everywhere. While pursuing the immortality road, all the cultivators have to join force to eliminate those evil beings. While trying to accomplish her goal, YueYue has to face countless powerful enemies whom 'Huang Ying Yue' offended in the past as well as the debts which 'Huang Ying Yue' committed. Simultaneously, she has to face the iceberg beauty heroine, Huang Bai Xing who is surrounded by countless beautiful men, and heaven defying fortunes. With golden finger and the love from the heaven, Huang Bai Xing received golden fingers. With golden fingers, Huang Bai Xing grew stronger day by day and await for the best opportunity to kill ‘Huang Ying Yue’. Powerful people, Huang Bai Xing’s men, one by one take out their weapons, intend to kill and teach her the horrible lesson because 'she' hurt their beloved woman. Fortunately, with the heaven-defying Ethereal small world that she received, she could plant the spiritual plants, harvest the spiritual fruits, cultivate with the abundant spiritual power and cheating time, bathing with the spiritual waterfall inside the space, while keeping her ‘peaceful’ life of pursuing the immortality road. With her loyal beast army, she embarked on the cultivation road to meet new people, love, friendship, hardships, excitement and mysterious past while changing her and everyone’s fate around her for the better future. Subconsciously, she didn’t even realize that because of her personality, she attracts countless peach blossoms that changed her dull life eternity. Warning: 1VN ending, one female end up with many men. There are taboo love here Please read the tags before you immerse yourself in my world. Cover from: Webnovel AI Generator Character Image: Pinterest, Credit goes to all original owner My Instagram Account: Littlecarrot006_ My DISCORD Username: littlecarrot6510 Please comment for the discord link. My second book: Myth Of Miracle: Reborn To Defy My Fate That book is for participating in WSA 2024 (Progressing) #Portalspace #Reverseharem #Taboolove #Femaleleadxianxia #Xianxia #Np #Cultivation #Adventure #Immortality #polyandry #Manybeautifulmen #transmigrated #cannonfodder #Romance #Fighting #Beast #Multicontinents #Mysteriouspast #KindandgentleFLbutnotweak #Forgivebutnotforget #CleverFL

Littlecarrot · Fantasy
4.7
750 Chs

Abyssal Awakening

Having spent her childhood confined in chains, Alice was a child who knew neither love nor joy. Scorned by her family while being tortured in the name of the greater good for years, she grew numb to all feeling and thought. That is, until one day, a man in black offered her a chance to escape. There were once rumours widespread of an endless hell, a land of glorious death and dreadful opportunity. Fools went in search of it, and the clever never ventured into it. Only when its baleful mysteries spilled unto the earth did all hear its name — the Abyss. A single drop of its blood could give someone the power to control shadows, move faster than sound, or strength greater than the strongest man. Yet, it all came at a cost; the blood would always make sure those who consumed it became part of the Abyss, with one exception — Alice. Cast away by her own blood, it was her destiny to rot in a gilded cage. But, that fateful day changed everything. Gifted a second chance at life, a chance to turn her life around and claim vengeance against her family, a chance to dive deep into the Abyss and gain the power to govern her own fate, Alice took his hand, unaware of the destiny unfolding before her. Discord: https://discord.gg/vrdTSkj8Va Author Notes: This is my third book, going to take what I learned from before to improve. This book will be focusing on plot, action, depths of character bonds and overall a darker tone/take on this cruel fantasy world I've cooked up for this book! If you give this book a try, I hope you enjoy! A very different experience and tone to Nanomancer Reborn.

Reili · Fantasy
4.6
501 Chs

The Genius Doctor, My Wife, Is Valiant

Father: "Qianqian, he may be a quadriplegic but as long as you agree to marry him, our company will be saved!" Mother: "Plus, your younger sister would be able to get the best treatment for her heart condition." Fiance: "If you did it, you would be able to help me get more resources while keeping yourself pure and clean!" Everyone around sympathise with Jing Qian's misery. She was a young girl and now her future was ruined as she would be married to a quadriplegic. Not only did she have to write songs for her younger sister to shape her sister as a genius musician, but she was also forced to get resources for her fiance who was an actor. Even after doing all these, she was still betrayed by the two of them as a bright, green light glowed from the top of her head. *OH! When Jing Qian opened her eyes again after the rebirth, she realized that she was now this sad, little girl. As she was a frightening villain in her previous life, she decided to have some fun with her new life now. She became a celebrity, a genius doctor, an entrepreneur that owns a winery and a cosmeceuticals company...... she was having so much fun! Her life was glowing so brightly that it blinded the pair of dogs that betrayed her. However..... after getting rid of the 'green-tea fiance of hers, she was now stuck with a 'white lotus husband who was always around her, pretending to be sick. "I've already treated you and completed my task here. What else do you want?! Let go! I want a divorce!" "Dear, I still feel uncomfortable here." When she looked at the man who wasn't even being sincere while pretending to be a sick person, hang onto her like a huge pendant, Jing Qian burst out in anger; "Zhan Lichuan! Did you throw away your image as a cold, arrogant man?!"

Yuan Lai · Fantasy
4.6
1298 Chs