Review Detail of KingGeorg in Alma

Ps: also dear author please stop mixing first person narrative and third so willy nilly. The Mc tellingbtge reader how bad he is having it and than in the other paragraph switching to third person... is extremely strange. There are better ways to show the inner conflict of the character. So it’s a bit of sloppy writing in my opinion.

I'm well aware that the first volume needs a great deal of revision and proofreading. On that point, I wholeheartedly agree with you. As I've stated before elsewhere, Alma originally started off as a writing exercise for myself because I had written little in the longest time (a period of years).

However, your other criticisms about the story have irked me a bit to put it politely. Mixing science-fiction and fantasy elements together is something I love seeing in works to the point that I wanted to create a story in that odd, mystical genre. George Lucas' Star Wars, Bungie’s Marathon and Destiny series, and many more influenced my decision to make Alma what it is now. A fantasy series as the main genre with sci-fi overtones in the back.

While I cannot deny that a certain amount of plot armor has been given to my main character, it has not been without drawbacks against him in return to even out what he’s received. I try to, and have tried to operate on the principal that “nothing is for free” as the underlying theme, and can assure you that consequences will exist even for him at some level. If I have not alluded or foreshadowed to this enough, then the blame lies on me and I will try to remediate that issue in time.

The last grievance I have had with your review is you describing the story’s type of magic as a form of “cultivation”. I, from the very beginning, have hoped to create something that would never be associated with Daoist cultivation in the slightest. There are no stages, levels, or cultivation techniques/schools of thought to follow aside from a universal starter guide in a basic sense. No heavenly tribulations, heart-devils, or spirit stones/pills to absorb. Only a few major milestones based on skill and talent exist, and those are used to distinguish a practitioner from a contender or a conqueror. While there are superficial similarities, yes, I have tried to create something that’d a reader would, for most part, never associate with Daoist cultivation or standard western-based magic. Even then, it’s a hard task because it’s up in the air if readers will even find it interesting or dislike it for being too vague/weird/complicated.

Don’t get hung up on the wording. I see you point but grinding your way up is for me just another form of cultivation but has nothing to do with the Chinese light novel understanding of it.

Sure you can mix magic with high technology but I simply have my doubts it will end up in a cohesive world building. For example when you talk about tablets and phones and on the other hand using technology that uses magic it begs the question why in an alternative universe both would exist in such a way separated. A tablet wouldn’t necessarily need a chemical accumulator and weapons would be potentially more deadly than any magician in existence, because you know how to use magic and science at the same time. Science is an understanding of how the world works and magic just as any other force would be not exclusive in that point.

Don’t get me wrong. I think you are doing great with your story and I think my review should not let you down. For me personally I simply have the impression you that you might want to rethink your description to your story, because it makes on expect that things will be extremely hard on your Mc .. and while I understand that an Mc biting through his obstacles is hard for the character it kind of lacks honesty from a standpoint of a normal person when the MC has left all levels of normality already especially in comparison to his contenders.

Also I’ll be looking forward to the shadows of success ;) keep it up.

Also I’ll be looking forward to the shadows of success ;) keep it up.

Maybe this points need some more explanation. I don’t know the other titles but in Star Wars for example doesn’t exist a crossover of the soft magic called the force and the technology. The is even a limiter in a way as such that people for some reason only use the force. This is due to limited people only able to harness it or some special conditions not further explained. Another example might be Harry Potter but even there you have a very distinct difference of technology and magic. Yet as far as I read in your story there is potentially no such limitation, robots that use the force and people in the north harnessing it for survival, yet similar to star wars there seems to be a limitation for people but not so much technology? And even if some can’t use magic themself, they still could use the force by harnessed technology making the people using it as a way to power in personal and worldly way potentially obsolete. This will require a lot of explanation for your world building...at least for me.

Maybe this points need some more explanation. I don’t know the other titles but in Star Wars for example doesn’t exist a crossover of the soft magic called the force and the technology. The is even a limiter in a way as such that people for some reason only use the force. This is due to limited people only able to harness it or some special conditions not further explained. Another example might be Harry Potter but even there you have a very distinct difference of technology and magic. Yet as far as I read in your story there is potentially no such limitation, robots that use the force and people in the north harnessing it for survival, yet similar to star wars there seems to be a limitation for people but not so much technology? And even if some can’t use magic themself, they still could use the force by harnessed technology making the people using it as a way to power in personal and worldly way potentially obsolete. This will require a lot of explanation for your world building...at least for me.

Have you ever read the Webtoon Tower of God. It reminds me of that.