Review Detail of PoeticPenguin in Vampire: the Masquerade - Nirvana

The writing quality is extremely good, especially your flow and descriptions. It's like I'm reading a book on amazon. However, I have to mention on your first chapter. Compared to your other chapters where it is easy to delve into, most of it was a little boring. Only at where the homeless guy appears, I felt like I was actually in the story. It's not bad since the surprise is there, but perhaps you can improve on it somehow? I can see that the characters have some personality. They're not 2d. However, jit might be better to add some introduction. For example, Alice in chapter 2. They talk about Dr. Sexy and you can see her personality come through, but it'd be nice for the flow and just to ease the readers in for a quick intro. You can simply say "Alice was Leona's long-time friend from high school something something ". The only info I got was from chapter 1 that she was a genuine friend. Anyways, I have to commend your writing (especially when in action.) Though this novel is personally not for me, your writing skills are really good. Your pacing is quite nice as well. You also made it easy for people who haven't played the game to understand. :D