Review Detail of StenDuring in Vampire: the Masquerade - Nirvana
Review detail
"Next Saturday I'll introduce you to the other players," said the GM. This review is part of a review swap and valid as of chapter eight. First off I need to state that I'm more than merely familiar with WoD 1.0. That would be World of Darkness version one for those of you who didn't spend dark evenings enacting fantactic creatures in a dark mirror of our own world during the nineties. As in this RPG was very popular among role playing geeks some twenty five years ago. Dice and a table, plus character sheets were the components needed, and the GM, the Game Master, usually went thrugh a background solo player scenario with each player before grouping them together. These eight first chapters are very much such a solo scenario but presented as a story. Hence it should be clear we've not even started the story. The main character has been thoroughly introduced to the world, and no, I didn't get that wrong. Of course the reader has as well, but in this case it really is a case of introducing the female lead to the world. That's also about it. One character and a horde of secondary characters including the roles they play. It should be noted that for anyone familiar with the WoD the first eight chapters mostly serve as one long info dump with some action and drama interspersed. For other readers the sheer amount of information will be bewildering. My main problem with the start is that they're doing a bloody ****ty job of keeping up the masquerade. This is also the main weakness with the story telling here. We're served huge chunks of information barely hidden as dialogue or in the worst case plain info dumping. And it's not nearly enough if you're not already familiar with the setting. Our main character is thoroughly presented to us, and she'll serve as a reader proxy for at least another dozen of chapters. Apart from the hamhanded exposition she does that job pretty well. Now for the stars. Writing: Five stars, including the one star handicap I apply to this site. It's clear that the author isn't native to English, and the writing is a lot better than the English used. A fair vocabulary helps hiding some of the more glaring errors. Sloppy PoV-handling and some misuse of tenses detract from the overall experience. Updates: Five stars. Only eight chapters. I'm just going to hand out the full five stars. Story: Four stars. There's a lot of action and info dumping, but there honestly isn't much in the way of story yet. It doesn't have to be. This is fan fiction of sorts, and this early it's more important to flesh out characters and setting than getting any major plot running. Character: Five stars. We're introduced to three of them, out of which one is the main character. They're fairly well fleshed out. I'm wavering between four and five stars here, but I'll apply the benefit of doubt in this case. Oh, there are dozens of spear carriers introduced as well, but they really are secondary this early. World: Five stars. This is for me. I'm familiar with the world. Observe that this is a three star world for readers totally new to the setting. The reason it reads like a game is because it is indeed a game. It honestly is supposed to be this clunky. The high drama is very much a part of the WoD. Lastly: I recommend any reader to at least familiarise themselves with the World of Darkness (version one) before diving too deep into this one. You'll need at least a fleeting knowledge of the intricate political machinations as well as some game mechanics to fully enjoy this story.
Vampire: the Masquerade - Nirvana
Fiona_Singer
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Finally I have one review from people who actually know the stuff QAQ !!!!!! I'm gonna cry OMG. I didn't expect to meet ANYONE at this website who knew about WoD settings. It's refreshing to find readers that share the same interest but I guess that's part of the problem, too. E.g. The problem about info dumping and game-like feeling. I have friends in real life who have never heard about the game and everything, and they haven't complained about feeling too much trouble absorbing the information, or it's written like a game script. I guess partly it's because for people who are familiar with the original work it would be much easier to associate and compare the content with the original, thus having the "going through the gameplay" problem, and feeling the plots a little bit slow: because you guys already know the drill. But of course it's on me too: I'm writing this assuming that my readers don't know anything, so I tried to scatter the info on the way that helps at least understand the situation, and because that's what I had in mind about the whole work, the beginning part was much more similar to the original game.XD
Well, I thought it was a bit drastic to go through the Camarilla nobility, a few clans, their legal system and then drop a Sabbat assault including a bishop while having the Anarchs screaming bloody murder in the background. Given that this is Chicago you probably have quite a few Gangrels watching from the suburbs as well. Well, that's a minor problem for readers not in the know. An avid gamer like myself wondered how in the bleeding hell anyone even decided to risk walzing into a Tremere haven without placing a phone call to Vienna first. Ventrue if anyone would know the risks involved with pissing the Tremere off, especially if there is a local Lasombra problem present in town. You don't just chop the head off a gen six or seven defensive combat monster for a relatively minor offence like stretching the third tradition :D
Fiona_Singer:Finally I have one review from people who actually know the stuff QAQ !!!!!! I'm gonna cry OMG. I didn't expect to meet ANYONE at this website who knew about WoD settings. It's refreshing to find readers that share the same interest but I guess that's part of the problem, too. E.g. The problem about info dumping and game-like feeling. I have friends in real life who have never heard about the game and everything, and they haven't complained about feeling too much trouble absorbing the information, or it's written like a game script. I guess partly it's because for people who are familiar with the original work it would be much easier to associate and compare the content with the original, thus having the "going through the gameplay" problem, and feeling the plots a little bit slow: because you guys already know the drill. But of course it's on me too: I'm writing this assuming that my readers don't know anything, so I tried to scatter the info on the way that helps at least understand the situation, and because that's what I had in mind about the whole work, the beginning part was much more similar to the original game.XD
I don't know if you've played the video game itself but since you are already familiar with WoD V1 I can finally talk about this XDDD I actually didn't start the whole series from the paper and dice but directly from VtMB (I tried but it was so niche that I couldn't find it here in my country), so you probably knew more about WoD than me to an extent_(:з)∠)_. The novel itself was like a re-write of the game itself, but not just changing the game into a written story. I love the original one, of course, but lots of parts of it didn't really fit in my...well let's just say aesthetics, and it's largely unfinished, so I sorta started building my own ideal version and this is what I get XD A note for people who know WoD like you: I modified and recreated the official settings for plots' sake, added things, too, so don't be surprised if you see anything different. As for language...well I'm Chinese myself and although I've written a lot, it's the first time I tried to write stuff in English, so I'm confused about lots of things, e.g. tense selection. Like I know novels use past tense in general but based on what I learnt in some cases like when stating universal or objective facts/thoughts of the character you should use simple present. Anyway I will learn in the process. XD
Yeah see that's what I'm talking XD It probably makes no sense to people who are accustomed to WoD V1. It may be better if you don't apply any existing WoD settings you knew and view it as an brand-new alternative universe of sorts :p
StenDuring:Well, I thought it was a bit drastic to go through the Camarilla nobility, a few clans, their legal system and then drop a Sabbat assault including a bishop while having the Anarchs screaming bloody murder in the background. Given that this is Chicago you probably have quite a few Gangrels watching from the suburbs as well. Well, that's a minor problem for readers not in the know. An avid gamer like myself wondered how in the bleeding hell anyone even decided to risk walzing into a Tremere haven without placing a phone call to Vienna first. Ventrue if anyone would know the risks involved with pissing the Tremere off, especially if there is a local Lasombra problem present in town. You don't just chop the head off a gen six or seven defensive combat monster for a relatively minor offence like stretching the third tradition :D
I've never played the digital version. Pen and paper guy here. I personally believe you could have settled for 'just a vampire' and kept the sire alive (but in the background). Then introducing one aspect of WoD every second chapter or so. Something like: "It's complicated. For you I'm just a vampire, but just like with humans and their nations there are sevaral kind of us. You could refer to me as Tremere, well I guess that goes for you as well now," Garret said and smiled. Then two chapters later have her find out about Ventrue (since I got the impression you're running with a Ventrue Prince of Chicago). Well, etc etc etc.
Fiona_Singer:I don't know if you've played the video game itself but since you are already familiar with WoD V1 I can finally talk about this XDDD I actually didn't start the whole series from the paper and dice but directly from VtMB (I tried but it was so niche that I couldn't find it here in my country), so you probably knew more about WoD than me to an extent_(:з)∠)_. The novel itself was like a re-write of the game itself, but not just changing the game into a written story. I love the original one, of course, but lots of parts of it didn't really fit in my...well let's just say aesthetics, and it's largely unfinished, so I sorta started building my own ideal version and this is what I get XD A note for people who know WoD like you: I modified and recreated the official settings for plots' sake, added things, too, so don't be surprised if you see anything different. As for language...well I'm Chinese myself and although I've written a lot, it's the first time I tried to write stuff in English, so I'm confused about lots of things, e.g. tense selection. Like I know novels use past tense in general but based on what I learnt in some cases like when stating universal or objective facts/thoughts of the character you should use simple present. Anyway I will learn in the process. XD