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Review Detail of Hayato_Shinohara in Fate Online: Shadow

Review detail

Hayato_Shinohara
Hayato_ShinoharaLv104yrHayato_Shinohara

So I know the author is extremely sensitive in hearing negative reviews, but I have to be honest. As much as the premise does to serve the fans with things they (including myself) would like (such as VRMMO concepts, Romance, Strong powers etc.) It has a very important issue of execution. From the first chapter, I can quote what others have been saying which boils down to it "being all over the place". It tells us what is going on rather than showing, but in a very loose method. It does not keep a focus and ultimately, becomes uncomfortable to read. Each chapter should have a purpose. The *flow* and *transitioning* of each sentence and paragraph should be strong and easy to follow through. What I would advise is for the author to look at *how* other authors write their books. Yes, I say "how" becasue I feel that the writing style needs to change. It can get exhausting, especially if a lot of chapters have been completed. Let's say you learned a lot from other books and finally came up with a better style – it'd take a long time to fix all of it. I understand. However, if that's the case I would get an editor to help you out. There's plenty of authors who would do that in the discord for Webnovel/RoyalRoad. For other works, I'd analyze how Sword Art Online, Rising of the Shield Hero or Library of Heaven's Path wrote their chapters and their style of conveying their messages to their audience. Plot wise, make sure when writing a scene to imagine how the readers will feel about that scene when comparing it to the *previous chapters*. For example, if the main cast fought and won against a guild of people but then suffers against several weaker hunters later on, there should be a reason *why* they are struggling in the very least, or else it will leave them confused. Overall, great job with nearly 3 million views and good luck with the rest! 👍🏻

altalt

Fate Online: Shadow

ApocalypseX

Liked by 18 people

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Replies3

Hayato_Shinohara
Hayato_ShinoharaLv10Hayato_Shinohara

It goes without saying but hopefully if you do get an editor, the earlier chapters at least can also have better grammar so that the readers can immerse themselves easier. Overall, great job with nearly 3 million views! Best of luck. 👍🏻

LordRhyolith
LordRhyolithLv12LordRhyolith

Yeah, I can recommend the practice to go and analyze the works of other authors that publish on amazon or like that. Books that a similar to your own are plenty available. Read the books, write down interesting sentence structures or whatever, and practice by writing short scenes (combat scenes, sexy scenes, monologues, dialogues between two enemies, etc.) It takes time to improve, but that's a given.

Klesk
KleskLv14Klesk

I actually sorta like his writing style, tho it's unreadable cuz of the holes in each and every aspect which make the Russian roads look polished and smooth. So if he manages to sketch an overall plan, and sub plans on each topic, and build upon that, so that he doesn't lose the overview... he might go with his writing style, not 💯% sure, but I think it's possible