webnovel
PotatoTrain
PotatoTrainLv124yr
2020-01-27 20:33

Read through the first 56 chapters, the story was nice & definitely had potential, but the lack of editing (especially in the early chaps) makes it somewhat difficult to get really absorbed into the novel itself. There were also some minor inconsistencies with in game data related things, but I'll put that down to grammar and editing too. Just somewhat sad I didn't really feel hooked enough on the story to want to continue reading after chapter 56 when the paywall hit. Thanks for a decent attempt author ❤ but honestly, please go back through the previous chapters and just run it through Microsoft Word or something just so it's a smoother read for us.

Liked by 9 people

LIKE
empty img

No replies. Be the first!

Other Reviews
BravoEchoVictor
BravoEchoVictorLv4
Ibuprofen
IbuprofenLv12

Needs a tonne of work, props to the author and I wish him/her the best of luck. I must say, the first chapter was imho, freaking terrible. It was all over the place, nonsensical mish mash of all the best stuff someone could think of for a modern day mc slapped together into an abomination called Michael. I seriously could not bring myself to read another chapter, I dont say this to discourage the author, it's hard to write! I understand that it isn't easy. This book needs some serious editing and the author needs to just sit and relax a bit, your mc never has to be the everything guy! The best things about characters in novels arent their perfections but their imperfections! All their flaws make them come alive and make your readers empathise with them through their journey! The best thing you can do for your audience is to make them always think about the qualities of our creations that resonate with them! Connecting with them makes your story stand out from the rest of the monotonous garbage that litters this app. You should (If you haven't already but suggesting by the hazardous writing that feels like its come straight from your head to being published) brain storm ideas, the direction you want to go, important antagonists and/or ideas for ones to come! Major turning points in your story that will affect your mc in major ways! These sort of plot points are needed so you can have some sort of direction to love in otherwise it becomes a mess, something that becomes harder to fix the longer you go. Never start the fillings before you've conquered your outline and outlook of where you want your story to go! You may not read this but I seriously hope this helps if you do kind regards

GodharemZ
GodharemZLv13
Hayato_Shinohara
Hayato_ShinoharaLv10

So I know the author is extremely sensitive in hearing negative reviews, but I have to be honest. As much as the premise does to serve the fans with things they (including myself) would like (such as VRMMO concepts, Romance, Strong powers etc.) It has a very important issue of execution. From the first chapter, I can quote what others have been saying which boils down to it "being all over the place". It tells us what is going on rather than showing, but in a very loose method. It does not keep a focus and ultimately, becomes uncomfortable to read. Each chapter should have a purpose. The *flow* and *transitioning* of each sentence and paragraph should be strong and easy to follow through. What I would advise is for the author to look at *how* other authors write their books. Yes, I say "how" becasue I feel that the writing style needs to change. It can get exhausting, especially if a lot of chapters have been completed. Let's say you learned a lot from other books and finally came up with a better style – it'd take a long time to fix all of it. I understand. However, if that's the case I would get an editor to help you out. There's plenty of authors who would do that in the discord for Webnovel/RoyalRoad. For other works, I'd analyze how Sword Art Online, Rising of the Shield Hero or Library of Heaven's Path wrote their chapters and their style of conveying their messages to their audience. Plot wise, make sure when writing a scene to imagine how the readers will feel about that scene when comparing it to the *previous chapters*. For example, if the main cast fought and won against a guild of people but then suffers against several weaker hunters later on, there should be a reason *why* they are struggling in the very least, or else it will leave them confused. Overall, great job with nearly 3 million views and good luck with the rest! 👍🏻

Vayne_0688
Vayne_0688Lv2
Related Stories

Rise of The Undead Legion

Three years ago Conquest was released, redefining virtual reality and gaming. ‘An entire world on a server. Dive in and play the RPG to end all others; explore, create, conquer. LIVE!’ It became an overnight phenomena worldwide. Dave Ruster grew up without a family to speak of, he had few friends and fewer prospects. He lives in the same small town where he graduated from high school, and works long hours at a low-paying job that barely pays for rent and the food on his table. He can’t afford college, but at least he is not out on the streets. His life is going nowhere, stuck on a treadmill. Until chance, karma, or providence, call it whatever you believe in, intervenes. Suddenly, David’s circumstances change. Injured and unable to work, he’s about to lose what little he has. His fate balances where crisis and opportunity go hand in hand. He can risk it all, seizing the opportunity to make circumstances work for him, potentially going further and higher than he ever dreamed. Or he can accept his fate and watch life from the sidelines Join Dave as he puts all his aspirations and hopes, all that he is, into the game he always wanted to play, Conquest! It will be a journey of adventure and discovery, victory and loss, as he strives to create a new future for himself, in-the-game and In Real Life. **** Story is currently being proofed by our Lord Sambraga! (chapters 54+) so please bear with the mediocre quality of writing in the first chaps, it gets much better later on!****

Biako · Games
4.7
564 Chs

Card Apprentice Daily Log

Dalton Wyatt, a world-renowned scientist and inventor, is transmigrated into the body of a high school student, also named Dalton Wyatt, who had tragically committed suicide due to unfortunate circumstances and a complicated life. The enchanting world of cards he finds himself in is vastly different from Earth, yet eerily similar in certain aspects. Unlike the peaceful Earth, where humans fought only amongst themselves, this new world is plagued by dungeons and monsters. Here, humanity's survival hinges on battling these mythical and legendary creatures. Ordinary mortals lack the strength to stand against such formidable foes. Thankfully, a select few are blessed with the ability to harness their souls, manifest soul power, and become card apprentices—humanity’s last hope against extinction. Card apprentices are individuals who form contracts with grimoires, mystical artifacts that allow them to wield powerful and versatile cards to fend off monsters and conquer dungeons. A grimoire provides card apprentices with abilities such as card creation and card fusion. Most importantly, it enables them to unlock their full potential in card battles. While this world shares the concept of science with Earth, its focus is not on electronics or industrialization. Instead, cards replace the need for most technologies, fulfilling even the smallest of daily necessities. This world revolves entirely around the grimoire’s abilities, particularly card creation and card fusion. Transmigrated to a place where strength can be bought with money, Dr. Wyatt is forced to earn a living to ensure his survival. Fortunately, with his otherworldly knowledge and expertise, card creation comes naturally to him, setting him apart from other card apprentices. Dr. Wyatt crafts and sells perfect, powerful, and resourceful cards, steadily growing stronger in this monster-ridden world. --- "What did you say? Making good cards is hard? Bah! Card creation is a breeze." "My friend, let me enlighten you—there are no 'trash card ingredients,' only incompetent card creationists." [Commencing card creation using ingredients, i)Bloody Veins - G Rank, Mortal Grade ii)Nyon Rope - G Rank, Mortal Grade iii)Common Core - G Rank, Mortal Grade Card creation… complete! Card Name: Bloody Rope Card Type: Item Card Card Rank: E Rank, Common Grade Card Rating: 3 Stars Card Durability: 100/100 Card Effect: The Bloody Rope can bind and incapacitate its target. When in contact with a target’s wound, it triggers paralysis and blood drain effects. Additional Effect: Paralysis, Blood Drain] "This can’t be real! You used G-rank mortal-grade ingredients and yet crafted an E-rank common-grade card with full durability and a three-star rating? This isn’t real—I must still be dreaming! I couldn’t possibly have woken up today—this has to be a dream!"

IGotStones · Games
4.2
2378 Chs