Review Detail of Maromar in The Arks

The writing displays a clear line of thought as far as worldbuilding and character design goes. A cataclysmic event that occurred before the story brings multiple races into close contact with each other on Earth. This at once, eliminates the justification problem fantasy writers grapple with when dumping multiple races on Earth. Of course, the easiest way is to simply state that these races have always been present, but that leans on the suspension of disbelief when authors don’t have this fact reflected in culture and technology. Mavislin11 did a good job on that front. That’s where most of the praise must stop, however. The Arks is in a rough spot. It begins with the basics. The text is written in such a way that it’s difficult to derive meaning in some instances, and painful to go through in others. A large part of the latter can be fixed by improving the economy of words. You ideally want to drive home a clear point in the shortest span of time possible. Take the following section: “After the Great Noble War across the galaxies had devastated the planets within, many were left scattered amongst the other stars. As the stars started to converge and planets collapsed, the Solar System was born. The only planet that was habitable for most species, Earth.” Every word that doesn’t directly contribute to the scene both weakens it and makes the passage heavier, causing readers to suffer from fatigue. Compare it to something like: “The Great Noble War set the myriad galaxies ablaze. From the ashes of collapsed planets and ruined stars, the Solar System as we know it emerged. Earth would prove to be the only planet habitable for most species.” The new sentence isn’t pretty either, but it tightens the imagery and eliminates some of the unnecessary language while maintaining the scene. It may only save a few words, but if every line of every paragraph gets trimmed, they’ll certainly pile up. A 75,000 word manuscript might feel sluggish because it’s actually a 65,000 word manuscript wearing an oversized jacket. My advice is to go through the entirety of The Arks with a scythe. Clear out every bit of chaff you can find: “had” “started” “began to” and so on. Whenever these words aren’t crucial to understanding the scene, kill them. Deal with any redundant bits of phrasing in the same manner. Another issue lies in the quoted selection’s placement. It’s the first paragraph of the story… Of course, opening with exposition isn’t inherently bad, but taking up too much space with it runs afoul of the commonly cited “show, don’t tell” rule. Good writing is really a matter of “show AND tell” where knowing when to do either will determine your effectiveness. Writers with certain well-developed voices like Tolkien can get around this by managing to be entertaining even when they go on for ages, so exceptions certainly exist. But I digress. As it is, the beginning drags because the exposition is an infodump. The scene could be reworked in such a way that it immediately focuses on Mavislin among those in the stadium with the announcer starting the tryouts with some reference to the Great Noble War, perhaps a commencement ritual meant to keep young mages from forgetting their history as well as honoring the lives lost. The explanation of the magic system can be drip-fed as it’s displayed. It’s of great importance that you keep a stable scene for as long as possible, novels are a completely separate medium from movies as they allow for greater depth, but that same depth can cause your pacing to veer out of control, leaving readers far from the picture you want them to see. Even if the storyline is crap (And what I’ve seen of The Ark’s storyline is not crap) and filled with beaten-to-death tropes, if you can pull off some prose that is both clear and concise, you’ll stand several heads over the next guy. That takes rewriting and editing though. Webnovel’s constant pressure on authors to produce daily chapters isn’t healthy for writing quality or the quality of a writer’s life. Don’t feel bad for holding another release back for a few days in order to get it into fighting shape. Most importantly, don’t be discouraged by my criticism, the story has potential. Writing is not easy, if it was, everyone would have a book out. The fact that you can come up with creative ideas rather than pointless re-hashes of yesterday’s trend means that you have the right chops. See it through to the end.