webnovel
NovelReview
NovelReviewLv15yr
2019-09-20 19:54

This is a review from Chapter 1 to chapter 16 and so the things I discussed in my review might have been fixed already, writing Quality-2- The sentences could be better. It seems you fond of using 'to' in explaining the motives of actions. Consider trusting your readers. An example can be found in chapter 2. 'Once they had stepped inside, he reached for the button to send them to the ground floor.' This can be changed to 'Once they had stepped inside, he reached for the ground floor button.' Another example can also be found in chapter 2. 'the elevator chimed again to let them know that they had reached their destination.' This can be changed to 'the elevator chimed and the door opened. They had arrived' Using 'to' is a little jarring. Aside from that, sentences can be shorter too. Take this example from chapter 12. 'His own path to the office was made simpler by the private elevator that took him straight from the parking garage to the thirty-second floor where his office was.' The sentence is too long. The longer the sentences get, the weaker they are. Shorter sentences are easier to understand. Also better words could have been used in expressing the idea. 'A private elevator eased his access from the garage to his office in the thirty-second floor.' or 'A private elevator simplified his access from the garage to his office in the thirty-second floor.' The thing is, readers don't actually want to read. They say they do but that is a misconception. Nobody wants to read. Reading is a tedious process. What the readers want is the information from. So if writers can express a story in a thousand words rather than two thousand, then that would ease the burden of reading. The job of writers is to lull the readers into believing a tale they crafted with the shortest word count possible. Stability of updates- 5- I don't really care much about stability of updates. Automatic 5. Story Development - 3- The story is about falling from heights and rising again with the help of several characters. As of chapter 16, the story is still kicking off which is partly because of the short chapters (which is not a bad thing). It feels like a slice of life novel despite being presented with an interesting conflict. Nothing much is happening. But I can see that the story needs to trek the path of being docile for now. Chance is still adjusting after all. I suggest bringing a few side conflicts to spice this slow beginning. Personality conflicts, backstories, things like that. But honestly, I can't really say much. I've already put the story in my library. I will resume reading soon and hopefully I can make another review after catching up with the latest chapters. Character Design-3- Chance is a broken man. What happened to him was tough. His journey from being broken into rising up again is a little fast in my opinion. Other than that I don't really have problems. World Background- 5- I don't get why Webnovel has this aspect in reviews. World background? What does that mean? If it means magic systems and the worlds in isekais, then what about novels which are not fantasies? They could have replaced this with dialogue or something. Additional notes- I have no qualms about the changing of perspectives. It happened a few times that I thought the perspective is in third person omniscient. But seeing the potential of the mystery surrounding Fait's character and the other mysteries too, I think omniscient point of view is a poor choice. Final score- I added 1 full star as consideration. Webnovels are not published novels after all. 4.6

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amaturewriter
amaturewriterLv4

This is sad.... Sad that such a good story has yet to be recognized, honestly this is well written the character development is well, its emotional with drama. The character development is well balanced..slow and yet not too slow. Plus, the [possible ] love interest is not some slutty or unrealistic character [love at first sight...****]. ALso The MC is quiet interesting. Suggestion: -There is too much secrets..kinda annoying..[ex: the secret family of the MC, the characters past] try to reveal them. -I personally ship MC and fait together..make it sweet and fluff, add some romance..[just dont make fait some korean style female lead that was used by her previous lover and then abandoned..in fact no previous lovers at all...! I'm begging no korean style tragic angst ****..keep this happy]. The beautiful maiden...Lady fate came and saved her beloved mortal..-Get it? -Bash..yep I want some bash..bash MC's past fiance/family...[I mean they werent there when he was broken] and no redemption..just straight up bash and they regret it. -Dont make Nev and her brothers past angsty..just sad. -This might sound weird but in the later chps make MC start a family with love interest..maybe 3 kids.. Anyway I said my piece...love your stuff,,i do hope more people read this...also dont make this angsty/tragic/korean style [NO offense to koreans but most of their romance is rape/betrayal/separation...cheating and then back together..total ****]..try to keep this happy and fluff and romantic..we all need some romance in our lives. Good luck and Good show.

ihateyounot
ihateyounotLv11

As of this review, 62 chapters have been posted. Looking at the title and synopsis, my first impression had been, ‘Great, another transmigrated-to-my-past-self type of plot.’ To my surprise, it was in fact NOT a transmigration story, which is rare in the current webnovel trends. This is a story about a man who had once reached success but later tasted failure after he was betrayed by his business partner(s). But his prior experiences and success did not fail him, as he received a second chance at building his empire again after he inherited a fortune from a past associate who thought he was a suitable heir. He was approached by the associate’s assistant—Fait—who offered an olive branch to him just when he thought he was done. Now, her entrance into this story was one that made me misunderstand the genre of the story—the way she was introduced made it seem as if she was some sort of mysterious deity who was there to pass the man to his next life. And while it did not involve magic or reincarnation or anything mystical, she did indeed granted him a second chance by giving him a new position, a new company, and a new home. Although there is an impending threat to his life floating in the background, there is very little feeling of suspense, and perhaps the rather laidback and calm personality of the protagonist might attribute to that. The image he had presented in the earlier chapters were considerably different than the person he had showed himself to be in the later chapters to the point that he could very well be another person. That being said, stress could change people, and realistically, it is not strange for someone who had—or is currently trying to—overcome failure to change their personality to a certain extent. Despite the unexplainable feeling of unease I feel over the protagonist who seem to have a mysterious past yet to be discovered, the disparity in his reactions compared to other people’s expectations are amusing. They often lead to hilarity and/or a sense of satisfaction, and I quite like it when he proves his capabilities to others (a.k.a face-slapping) especially since he does it in a way so natural that unless you were the receiving party you wouldn’t have realised he’s been slapping faces. Conversely, the author should be careful in developing his character, as it would be so easy to turn him into a Gary Stu who just bulldozes his way to the top with his amazing (plot) capabilities (armour). The story reads smoothly, and the straightforward style of writing made it easy to follow the story even when the perspectives change. For once, I am glad that I found a story written well enough that I don’t have to break my head trying to decipher the texts. While there are mistakes here and there, they aren’t really noticeable or too bothersome that it would break one’s concentration over the story. Kudos to the author for that. I would suggest the author to get an editor to weed out the little errors since there’s only so much you can fix with self-editing. My only complain is that while the story isn’t boring, it’s pretty anticlimactic as it feels as if there’s nothing going on yet a lot is going on. It feels more of a slice-of-life story, if anything, and if that was the author’s goal, then lucky for you it has been achieved. ...Just me? ...Maybe I wasn’t paying attention well enough when I was reading. Oof. All in all, it was a good read. Good work, author.

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