Review Detail of PettyOfficer in New Dawn- A Harry Potter Transmigration Fanfic

Writing quality: 2/5 There are a lot of POV shifts. Most of the time, it gets annoying and confusing, especially when the story focuses on some points of the plot and then skip the parts connecting them. Ex: chapter 70ish, where Daphe is exposed as a manipulator and Hermione let her in Harry’s base for a flimsy reason, but the author skips what happens next to mind barrier training. Then, there is too much passive voice in the story. It feels like a history lecture, even more so when the fiction references things will happen in the future, but won’t happen now. All of this past knowledge is known, but these are only the details, not what the main character knows. It feels like that. Finally, there’s the grammatical errors that crop up, like extra words, or misused words, or random capitalized words, or incorrectly conjugating verbs when they’re supposed to be in their infinitive form, etc. I think it may be more of a problem with later chapters, though. Stability of Updating: 5/5. I think it’s about 2 chapters a day, each around 11 pages at least and around 20 at most. I guess it’s 3000-6000 words. A bit too much, if you ask me. If the author slowed this down and thought through his plot and writing, the Writing Quality would increase. Story Development: 2/5 It began with some legs with Harry’s life being the focus. Harry began gaining power and training. However, the inconsistencies in the characters, along with the rambling amount of their inner dialogue, destroyed the Story Development. I think it began around Harry’s downfall to edge-lordness. Then it nosedived when Hermione was introduced. The author got fixated on developing her character alongside Harry’s, so the story ended up seeing through her eyes most of the later chapters. The plot’s stuck at his “research, learning, and training” (R.L.T.) ark because whatever the main character does to power up, he thinks he is too weak and too bad with magic. It sucks when the author himself sets up possible changes to the plot, like it’s going to go somewhere, but it reverts back to “R.L.T.” It’s like “specializing” isn’t a word in the author’s dictionary, so Harry has to max out his gains and skills one at a time. We don’t care if he gets powers since he never gets to use them in real conflicts. Harry is reactionary most of the time. His real problem is not paying attention, since that’s why stuff like a troll attacking Hermione happens or Sirius Black dying early. Speaking of Sirius dying, the author did it as an excuse since he didn’t know how to deal with the character dynamics of Harry and Sirius. Creative, for sure, but it was quickly made bland and then annoying when Harry wasn’t motivated to react. We only get p**sy sh*t, like wondering the morality of harming a little girl who wants to use you over the bigger problem, when the author already concluded before that an enemy is an enemy and a tool is a tool. He erased the memories of muggles, so why does it matter if he searches through the mind of an intruder? Character design: 1/5 Harry is too passive of a character after Hermione clings to him like the parasite she is. He’s like the cliché edgy isskai hero in Japanese manga that must secretly get stronger but never use his strength because he underestimates himself. It’s worse when he babies Hermione and that somehow worsens when more female characters get introduced. Penelope was not a welcome addition to the baggage bandwagon. I also don’t see why he shares so many of his secrets with them when he clearly knows their minds can be read because they are so weak. It doesn’t help that the author repeats himself as if to reason their thoughts and actions. No, author. The characters are not acting justified. This is a story, not an argumentative essay. We don’t care if you repeat backstories. It’s never going to justify Hermione being an emotional wreck one minute, an idiot the next, and then a studious know-it-all. We’re not even going to go to Harry