Review Detail of Chryiss in

Now that the story is 9 chapters long, or 8 really excluding the character list, I felt it was time enough to review. However, it looks like the contest is almost over by now, so I suppose I'm rather late. ^^; Still, 8 chapters is still too early to properly review, so I'll try to offer feedback as best as I can. Since I'm a fan of the author's other story, "Can you mend my broken heart?" I will be comparing this story to it. I will start with improvements. First off, Wang Li is described to be as naive, innocent, and pure. To be very honest, this character is unoriginal because I've seen this description too many times. With that said, Alice does seem to have a little spunk in her considering how she defies her IRIS AI bot. But in short, the MC is lacking especially when considering Akira from CYMMBH. The two story characters are somewhat similar, but I think where this MC lacks in comparison to Akira is the amount of gestures, actions, and speeches which define them. There doesn't seem to be enough settling down of the plot and time movement to get a good grasp on the FL. Additionally, Alice falls rather quickly for the ML, and the ML right away kisses her in disguise. A bit too rushed for my tastes since their relationship is only beginning. I don't get that the ML is a player type who might actually kiss a girl really soon. I'm very curious how their relationship will work out though considering he has a wife(?) already. Secondly, the writing quality is a little less than what I'm used to from CYMMBH. It's still good, but the description and more vivid language is somewhat lacking here. I can't quite visualize the world as well as I would like for a story which travels between time periods. Except for the changes in characters, I'm not getting the full emergence in each world as desired. This might be due to getting into the time traveling plot as soon as possible. It speeds up the plot when it would be better to slow down and "take in the scenery." Maybe it's also because this genre is new to you, so parts of the story that didn't need to be focused on has now reversed to be more important. Of course, compared to WN standards, this doesn't lack. In short, I think this story is just suffering from too few chapters with the immediate need to fulfill the time-traveling requirement for the contest. The idea in itself is great. I was really excited when I read the character list and saw that there would be three worlds. I like the historical aspect too. If you had more time, the concerns mentioned would likely be cleared knowing the extent of what you can do with CYMMBH. With all that said, this review is harsher than what you probably expected based on my high remarks for the other story. I have to stick to my honesty though even if blunt at times. I suppose this is what one means by having high expectations. XD Still, this is a good story you should be proud of. It's nice to see you doing something very different, and I look forward to seeing what you do with the plot. It looks like you have a lot planned based on the character list. I'm so glad that you're in first place. Congrats, and keep on writing~! :D