I though it was going somewhere. Nope. So fast paced you'll think that the MC has a time skip of a few weeks every chapter powering up. Nope, he went to bed and woke up. Then everyone dies, their friends die, family dies, they looked at someone else and died. But that's okay, let's smile and say thanks for the help while breaking the fourth wall when the story needs progress the story or explain an issue without actually doing either one.
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That's not what happened (except for breaking the fourth wall, because I specified that in the synopsis), but go ahead and lie if that makes you feel better.
How am I lying? Tally up how many people, classmates, red shirts, strangers, enemies die in every couple chapters. Death of the people around the main characters happens so often and the quantity is so high that I, the reader, feel affected and almost sickened. And yet characters hardly feel anything until around 160 chapters in you start giving them emotions other than, "I'll get stronger." And don't worry, I think death is necessary. But the kids who aren't an MC with an old soul in a young body, they should be affected more than, "well, that sucks. Let's go back to school." MC is strong, okay. Constellations litter the sky in variations from all cultures, okay. MC goes from needing to make close combat equipment, to having multiple forms to shoot off nukes... How the hell can you say I lied that there is little to no transition when many times the MC just wakes up after a long sleep and fires off a more powerful attack? Take the criticism. You developed the start of your story very well. Then you started making excuses for plot development with 4th wall breaks. 4th wall breaks are great, I loved the start when you used them for comedy. But they're not a plot progression tool, that's an excuse for laziness. Even if you don't want to write it, readers enjoying your story by immersing while reading it are rudely pulled out of their own imagination by the abrupt break in flow. I've only read half of your chapters available at the time of this post. So you may have found substance again. But I had to start to force myself to keep reading to get to that point. At which time I said I'm done and moved on. So good luck to you and don't worry about telling me I'm a liar. I'll read the first ~200 chapters of your story back to you if you'd like.
Tomoyuki:That's not what happened (except for breaking the fourth wall, because I specified that in the synopsis), but go ahead and lie if that makes you feel better.
Please go ahead and tally the count every couple of chapters. There are quite a few characters who die, but nowhere to the extent that you claim, and certainly not every couple of chapters.
JeKull:How am I lying? Tally up how many people, classmates, red shirts, strangers, enemies die in every couple chapters. Death of the people around the main characters happens so often and the quantity is so high that I, the reader, feel affected and almost sickened. And yet characters hardly feel anything until around 160 chapters in you start giving them emotions other than, "I'll get stronger." And don't worry, I think death is necessary. But the kids who aren't an MC with an old soul in a young body, they should be affected more than, "well, that sucks. Let's go back to school." MC is strong, okay. Constellations litter the sky in variations from all cultures, okay. MC goes from needing to make close combat equipment, to having multiple forms to shoot off nukes... How the hell can you say I lied that there is little to no transition when many times the MC just wakes up after a long sleep and fires off a more powerful attack? Take the criticism. You developed the start of your story very well. Then you started making excuses for plot development with 4th wall breaks. 4th wall breaks are great, I loved the start when you used them for comedy. But they're not a plot progression tool, that's an excuse for laziness. Even if you don't want to write it, readers enjoying your story by immersing while reading it are rudely pulled out of their own imagination by the abrupt break in flow. I've only read half of your chapters available at the time of this post. So you may have found substance again. But I had to start to force myself to keep reading to get to that point. At which time I said I'm done and moved on. So good luck to you and don't worry about telling me I'm a liar. I'll read the first ~200 chapters of your story back to you if you'd like.
This is the lie: "Then everyone dies, their friends die, family dies, they looked at someone else and died" First 20 chapters. Nobody died. You have a few assassins get killed after that, then nothing until Chapter 30+ where a few students fall during a mission. Then...the next deaths don't happen until Chapter 100+ the Crastrate attack. So whose family actually die, and while the death toll is high, it certainly isn't anywhere as near as "everyone". Now your criticism regarding the lack of transition is definitely fair and I would have accepted that if you did not resort to hyperbole, exaggeration or lies. I can accept criticism. If you merely pointed out the lack of transition, to insane powerups, I understand, but cut the hyperbole and exaggeration. Because it transform your criticism into whining or flaming. If you want me to take your "criticism" seriously, then write a serious one without hyperbole and lies. Otherwise, don't complain about me "not being able to take criticism" when you lie about "everyone and their families die", which did not happen at all. Thanks for the feedback, and I will have to reconsider my 4th wall jokes and the transition. But you do not have to read. If you're done and moved on, and have to force yourself, it's best that you stop reading and drop this story completely. I've just been told by ShaneM25 to delete this story, so I probably will.
JeKull:How am I lying? Tally up how many people, classmates, red shirts, strangers, enemies die in every couple chapters. Death of the people around the main characters happens so often and the quantity is so high that I, the reader, feel affected and almost sickened. And yet characters hardly feel anything until around 160 chapters in you start giving them emotions other than, "I'll get stronger." And don't worry, I think death is necessary. But the kids who aren't an MC with an old soul in a young body, they should be affected more than, "well, that sucks. Let's go back to school." MC is strong, okay. Constellations litter the sky in variations from all cultures, okay. MC goes from needing to make close combat equipment, to having multiple forms to shoot off nukes... How the hell can you say I lied that there is little to no transition when many times the MC just wakes up after a long sleep and fires off a more powerful attack? Take the criticism. You developed the start of your story very well. Then you started making excuses for plot development with 4th wall breaks. 4th wall breaks are great, I loved the start when you used them for comedy. But they're not a plot progression tool, that's an excuse for laziness. Even if you don't want to write it, readers enjoying your story by immersing while reading it are rudely pulled out of their own imagination by the abrupt break in flow. I've only read half of your chapters available at the time of this post. So you may have found substance again. But I had to start to force myself to keep reading to get to that point. At which time I said I'm done and moved on. So good luck to you and don't worry about telling me I'm a liar. I'll read the first ~200 chapters of your story back to you if you'd like.
Truthfully hope you aren't discouraged and that you don't delete it for others that are enjoying it. Writing at all is impressive. And 4th wall as jokes are great. 4th wall as a device, not so much. All lives matter especially when it's taken by characters that readers want to relate to. Or even if they are guests in a building that falls, classmates with no names that die in the woods, or strangers dying from collateral damage in an attack. Good luck.
Tomoyuki:This is the lie: "Then everyone dies, their friends die, family dies, they looked at someone else and died" First 20 chapters. Nobody died. You have a few assassins get killed after that, then nothing until Chapter 30+ where a few students fall during a mission. Then...the next deaths don't happen until Chapter 100+ the Crastrate attack. So whose family actually die, and while the death toll is high, it certainly isn't anywhere as near as "everyone". Now your criticism regarding the lack of transition is definitely fair and I would have accepted that if you did not resort to hyperbole, exaggeration or lies. I can accept criticism. If you merely pointed out the lack of transition, to insane powerups, I understand, but cut the hyperbole and exaggeration. Because it transform your criticism into whining or flaming. If you want me to take your "criticism" seriously, then write a serious one without hyperbole and lies. Otherwise, don't complain about me "not being able to take criticism" when you lie about "everyone and their families die", which did not happen at all. Thanks for the feedback, and I will have to reconsider my 4th wall jokes and the transition. But you do not have to read. If you're done and moved on, and have to force yourself, it's best that you stop reading and drop this story completely. I've just been told by ShaneM25 to delete this story, so I probably will.
Oh well. Thanks for the feedback and I will do my best.
JeKull:Truthfully hope you aren't discouraged and that you don't delete it for others that are enjoying it. Writing at all is impressive. And 4th wall as jokes are great. 4th wall as a device, not so much. All lives matter especially when it's taken by characters that readers want to relate to. Or even if they are guests in a building that falls, classmates with no names that die in the woods, or strangers dying from collateral damage in an attack. Good luck.
