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Review Detail of Nospacess in END Initiated...

Review detail

Nospacess
NospacessLv134yrNospacess

So, the story begins in an interesting world, with an interesting concept. It then suddenly shifts into this incredibly messy and overly cringy story about an ***** in a child's body pretending to be a child so he can keep hugging his mother's breasts. Sure, sure the author used the excuse of child hormones as the reason for that but.. why even put that in? Aside from personal afflictions with the story, the writing style is fine, a bit messy at times, but fine. There are a lot of mistakes, grammatical errors and straight up random letters thrown in many places, so beware. The world building is quite nice. Plenty of world development in the right contexts, but far too many big breasted beauties. Genuinely think the author has a breast fixation. The magic system is actually somewhat different to most I've seen - especially the mind glyphs. Although the magic system is nice, I feel like the chakra system he developed was... Vague at best. Although I just got to chapter 39, it may have been explained better but up to that point it was lacking. Overall, I had to drop the story at chapter 39 because I'm sorry, I cannot accept that a 5 year old, unaccompanied, can walk through the city late at night and be fine. Let alone go out into the woods at 3 years old when everyone supposedly knows that's where all the beasts are. There's a lot of logic leaps here that don't sit well with me. Definitely had a lot of potential but has been ruined by fetishism, and genuine oversight by the author. As a personal note to the author; please get a proof reader for the people who actually enjoy your story.

altalt

END Initiated...

Krizzeir

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Replies5

Krizzeir
KrizzeirAuthorKrizzeir

Thank you for the feedback. Helping one. Can you tell me how the chakra becomes vague in the story so that I can build up consistency?

Krizzeir
KrizzeirAuthorKrizzeir

Thank you for the feedback. Helping one. Can you tell me how the chakra becomes vague in the story so that I can build up consistency?

Krizzeir
KrizzeirAuthorKrizzeir

Thank you for the feedback. Helping one. Can you tell me how the chakra becomes vague in the story so that I can build up consistency?

Nospacess
NospacessLv13Nospacess

Sure. Prior to the two year time skip we may have had a vague idea of the system, but that was okay, because he was still learning it; therefore we were learning it. After the two year time skip you said there was some progress made in it, yet what happened was his skills regressed to a worse version prior to the skip. He smirked when he levitated the needle cause he could finally use his telekinesis, but in the previous chapters he could also do that, but with a heavier object. Then also, what happened to the time dilation skill he gained with it? Was that forgotten or is that directly going to be used for fighting only? Kiel said he'll figure out the use for it later, but in fact it was never touched again. Then the rosy colour glow that emanates from him when he's full of life energy, is that visible only to him or to others too? Yeah sure he had that scare where he wasn't sure if others could see it, but again, it's as if that aspect was also forgotten. I understand that the petals signify certain stages of the chakra system, but when Kiel said oh this'll only take me a couple years to open, how could he know? Was there an innate sense of time coming from the petal, or some other unknown factor? Sure he may be a genius in his previous life, but as you said in the 20 years he practiced it he never actually opened his root one before. So far it seems that the power itself gains random things to suit the story, whether that's for extra *******, or to get the MC out of a tough situation. It's become a very weak plot armour. Again, I'm only saying this with what I know up to chapter 39. If you explained some or all of this later, I apologize.

Krizzeir:Thank you for the feedback. Helping one. Can you tell me how the chakra becomes vague in the story so that I can build up consistency?
Demonic_Ogre
Demonic_OgreLv4Demonic_Ogre

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Nospacess:Sure. Prior to the two year time skip we may have had a vague idea of the system, but that was okay, because he was still learning it; therefore we were learning it. After the two year time skip you said there was some progress made in it, yet what happened was his skills regressed to a worse version prior to the skip. He smirked when he levitated the needle cause he could finally use his telekinesis, but in the previous chapters he could also do that, but with a heavier object. Then also, what happened to the time dilation skill he gained with it? Was that forgotten or is that directly going to be used for fighting only? Kiel said he'll figure out the use for it later, but in fact it was never touched again. Then the rosy colour glow that emanates from him when he's full of life energy, is that visible only to him or to others too? Yeah sure he had that scare where he wasn't sure if others could see it, but again, it's as if that aspect was also forgotten. I understand that the petals signify certain stages of the chakra system, but when Kiel said oh this'll only take me a couple years to open, how could he know? Was there an innate sense of time coming from the petal, or some other unknown factor? Sure he may be a genius in his previous life, but as you said in the 20 years he practiced it he never actually opened his root one before. So far it seems that the power itself gains random things to suit the story, whether that's for extra *******, or to get the MC out of a tough situation. It's become a very weak plot armour. Again, I'm only saying this with what I know up to chapter 39. If you explained some or all of this later, I apologize.