Author, don't feel down trodden your work isn't perfect but then again no book is perfect. Not everyone will like your story-telling but that doesn't mean you have to change your story to fit their exact desires. Create the story you like, obviously improve on some logistical points like timeline, history reference accuracy, mythology accuracy and grammar. I saw many comments disdaining the usage of hypnosis for kingdom building, personally it doesn't matter as long as it matches the MC's personality. It does seem a little rushed however. Damn this was a long comment, keep up the good work!
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