Review Detail of Gourmet_DAO in Eternal Sin
Review detail
I wonder why all the novels of this kind begin with a cliche? There must be some hikikamori, niit, a geek placed on novels, anime, manga and video games ... and right there, a counterbalance to him is a scout. Is it rather an oxymoron ?! Not? Perhaps, to assume that this person was normal for some period of time, and then he became a social phobia due to some kind of pressure, pressure or some other reason? But this is not reflected in the text of the first chapter. Still read easily. All his feelings are clear. But here comes another caveat - his knowledge of survival, were suitable for the Earth, and not some magical world. Since he, the protagonist, does not know the characteristics of this world, his laws, it is quite likely that they may differ from Earth, he does not know how to hunt, what plants, water, animals are poisonous and which are not. Trial and error for the protagonist can be fatal. Yes, and a 6 year old child, not enough muscles, strength in order to hunt in the usual way. So he must invent his own way of hunting. These are snares, traps ... but again he needs to know how the "objects" are built on which he will hunt! I wonder how the main character defines the lines of light? Usually on Earth, first determine - the north, and then the rest of the world. If there was a Light, then on Earth it would be clear that the Rising Sun is in the East, and the Setting Sun is in the West. Moss in the trees means the North ... well, from the reverse, the other side is the South. But in the magical world, no one knows this .. And do they have, in general, such concepts as parts of the world? Is there a navigation system, geolocation bindings? For what? How do the measurements take place? Do they have their own coordinate system? Projections? Ellipsoids? And many other questions. The magical world is not well described in this regard. 6 year old boy and ladies?)))) The father of the protagonist, a proud idiot who put the family in danger. He himself grew up in a clan, so he knew what this clan was capable of. He not only died himself, but also killed his own family. Hah, Chapter 2 ... A 6 year old boy could run faster than an adult, powerful boar? Yes, and a meat eater? 6 year old boy was able to pierce the skull of a boar with a stone? Sometimes it doesn't take a shot on Earth, and sometimes a bullet gets stuck? But apparently in the magical world of wild boar had a different skull structure? But then the intriguing text has already gone ... And the third chapter is already a protected territory, where there is no progress ... and there is nothing for a person to climb into such territories. The author skillfully owns the word, he has a rich material, an interesting story, but this is not my genre. It remains to wish success to the author, in the implementation of his ideas.
Eternal Sin
JacksonWalker
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Dear ursus010 my friend, or at least that's what I believe. Now I would like to tell you that, I wasn't quite sure how he would survive. I am assuming that while this world has different species and laws, certain laws of nature are still applied. Now, the only reason I had him able to kill the boar was that he needed to find out how to cultivate. Following the laws of strange species, what he did not know is that this is a slightly different species of boar. The reason this is considered the weakest beast is because anybody can kill it, as long as you can stop/trap it. Have you ever heard of HunterXHunter? There is a specific species of bloodthirsty boars at the beginning that has a strong body, and a tough broad snout. The only thing is, that snout is supposed to protect it's extremely weak forehead. This rule applies to this beast, instead of a large snout, it has large "Tusk". I understand this is an extreme gap in the story for now, and I intend to plug them. His father though.... Yeah, he is an idiot. There is no excuse for his character design, he was a fool who thought he was doing the right thing. He thought even if it was against the clan, that because of who he was they would have to accept her; which they didn't. Following which we have the 3rd chapter, there is really nothing major happening here. The only thing that he gets from this is a set of seven moves, namely the "Seven Sins" and he has a few fights and, depending on the votes, he might get a system. I was always kinda upset with how my novel started off, iv'e scrapped it multiple times. Now that I have it off the ground a little bit, and he's about to receive a few ability's, I can get to the content I originally started. I am sorry that the novel was not to your liking. I have said to you before that I write with feeling, that has not changed, the feelings that I have will be exposed in the novel later on. He truculently has no connections, besides his parents, nothing that gives him attachment to the world around him. I hope that I can express what I said to you on the pages, in words, later on. Sincerely, Jackson M. Walker
Also, spoiler, it's not a transmigration story; and it will never be. I've always tried to go for original ideas, and if this novel develops correctly, you'll understand one day. He believes it to be a transmigration, but I'll give you a hint. Why would I even need to add that first part, why would the blood seem so familiar? Why is it he forgot that experience once he had finally ?transferred into that body? There is a reason, but no one pays attention to it. That's the point though, this small detail will create waves in the future.
English is not so unique, there are many hidden meanings in it. But I also hope that this is not such a turn which means an action in reverse. All people came from Africa, essentially relatives in some kind of tribe. Ahhh !!! This boar, the analogy of a computer game, with pumping for noobs? But why, you have chosen, cliche? Why not come up with your story? Why does everyone get hung up on the same beginning? It's easier? More familiar to the reader? Get into the game world? I write in the genre of Realistic Fiction - in that case, you involuntarily think ... yes ... something is wrong with this person ... how can a person get into the game? But this is a particular ... genre then you have another ... You idiot father, you spoke well of him! But it was necessary to show his image more brightly, this is a peculiar image of an idiolist ... he is like Don Quixote ... only even more stupid ... So to substitute his family ... IDIOT !!! But you already got it, transfer the emotional side of your heroes. It's great! No, the novel is interesting, intriguing, from the first pages, it's just not my genre, and the culture is different. In the East, it is customary not to go to forbidden places, such as the preserve zone. Therefore, I did not continue to read. A style of presentation of the material deserves attention! You have a good syllable, you as an author are able to attract the attention of your reader, with curious stories! I can't master writing so masterfully! You are a great fellow! I hope you will have other novels that I can read. With appreciation for your thoughts and attention! Bear 010 or ursus010
JacksonWalker:Dear ursus010 my friend, or at least that's what I believe. Now I would like to tell you that, I wasn't quite sure how he would survive. I am assuming that while this world has different species and laws, certain laws of nature are still applied. Now, the only reason I had him able to kill the boar was that he needed to find out how to cultivate. Following the laws of strange species, what he did not know is that this is a slightly different species of boar. The reason this is considered the weakest beast is because anybody can kill it, as long as you can stop/trap it. Have you ever heard of HunterXHunter? There is a specific species of bloodthirsty boars at the beginning that has a strong body, and a tough broad snout. The only thing is, that snout is supposed to protect it's extremely weak forehead. This rule applies to this beast, instead of a large snout, it has large "Tusk". I understand this is an extreme gap in the story for now, and I intend to plug them. His father though.... Yeah, he is an idiot. There is no excuse for his character design, he was a fool who thought he was doing the right thing. He thought even if it was against the clan, that because of who he was they would have to accept her; which they didn't. Following which we have the 3rd chapter, there is really nothing major happening here. The only thing that he gets from this is a set of seven moves, namely the "Seven Sins" and he has a few fights and, depending on the votes, he might get a system. I was always kinda upset with how my novel started off, iv'e scrapped it multiple times. Now that I have it off the ground a little bit, and he's about to receive a few ability's, I can get to the content I originally started. I am sorry that the novel was not to your liking. I have said to you before that I write with feeling, that has not changed, the feelings that I have will be exposed in the novel later on. He truculently has no connections, besides his parents, nothing that gives him attachment to the world around him. I hope that I can express what I said to you on the pages, in words, later on. Sincerely, Jackson M. Walker
A smile ... it reminds me of "Unsealing: Omnipotent Father" ... there was also such a line ... probably in the 21st century it was very difficult to write a completely original story, which had already been repeated somewhere. With interest, ursus 010
JacksonWalker:Also, spoiler, it's not a transmigration story; and it will never be. I've always tried to go for original ideas, and if this novel develops correctly, you'll understand one day. He believes it to be a transmigration, but I'll give you a hint. Why would I even need to add that first part, why would the blood seem so familiar? Why is it he forgot that experience once he had finally ?transferred into that body? There is a reason, but no one pays attention to it. That's the point though, this small detail will create waves in the future.
Simple reply this time, it's not an actual tomb. Tomb of the Seventh Sin, it's a name for something, not someone. Where the sins of the mortal world go to die. Ok so, not a simple reply. It is more like a trial area, to test you and your personality. For example the first trial was for pride, he was under pressure but the pressure it's self wasn't trying to kill him. It was only if he bowed his head and frequent his pride that he would be eliminated. The same goes for all the sins, greed, gluttony, wrath, envy, sloth, lust, and pride. Each is made to test his will, to see if he is a worthy successor. I just wanted to let you know, that none of the "tombs" are actual tombs. The maker of the path that he will follow us alive and well, just so you know.
Gourmet_DAO:English is not so unique, there are many hidden meanings in it. But I also hope that this is not such a turn which means an action in reverse. All people came from Africa, essentially relatives in some kind of tribe. Ahhh !!! This boar, the analogy of a computer game, with pumping for noobs? But why, you have chosen, cliche? Why not come up with your story? Why does everyone get hung up on the same beginning? It's easier? More familiar to the reader? Get into the game world? I write in the genre of Realistic Fiction - in that case, you involuntarily think ... yes ... something is wrong with this person ... how can a person get into the game? But this is a particular ... genre then you have another ... You idiot father, you spoke well of him! But it was necessary to show his image more brightly, this is a peculiar image of an idiolist ... he is like Don Quixote ... only even more stupid ... So to substitute his family ... IDIOT !!! But you already got it, transfer the emotional side of your heroes. It's great! No, the novel is interesting, intriguing, from the first pages, it's just not my genre, and the culture is different. In the East, it is customary not to go to forbidden places, such as the preserve zone. Therefore, I did not continue to read. A style of presentation of the material deserves attention! You have a good syllable, you as an author are able to attract the attention of your reader, with curious stories! I can't master writing so masterfully! You are a great fellow! I hope you will have other novels that I can read. With appreciation for your thoughts and attention! Bear 010 or ursus010
Interesting! Sins that a person overcomes, test a person for his humanity! You intrigued me! I will read! Once such a deal! Do you know how to be convincing)))))
JacksonWalker:Simple reply this time, it's not an actual tomb. Tomb of the Seventh Sin, it's a name for something, not someone. Where the sins of the mortal world go to die. Ok so, not a simple reply. It is more like a trial area, to test you and your personality. For example the first trial was for pride, he was under pressure but the pressure it's self wasn't trying to kill him. It was only if he bowed his head and frequent his pride that he would be eliminated. The same goes for all the sins, greed, gluttony, wrath, envy, sloth, lust, and pride. Each is made to test his will, to see if he is a worthy successor. I just wanted to let you know, that none of the "tombs" are actual tombs. The maker of the path that he will follow us alive and well, just so you know.