Author seriously need an editor/proofreader. While the story pacing is great, there are many syntax and grammar errors: punctuation, singular/plural, tenses, use of vocabulary, and other proper writing skills are still lacking. One more thing, there are spacing errors, literally every sentence (you will notice it once you read). Please do fix that problem, it is a minor factor, but important for aesthetics. If you want to introduce a character (other than MC), it is advised to do so through other character interactions or through proper story flow. When you introduced the ML in chapter one, you made me feel that the MC already knew him from the start. It was not until chapter three did I realized that they were strangers (from the sentence: "So, he is Michael, the underworld lord.") How can you explain it on chapter one then, you asked? I would say that Sara bumped into a man instead, while taking the opportunity to describe his features. "the man" as subject to replace blatant "Michael, the king of underworld" would suffice for chapter one. Another thing to point out is when you switched POVs, run-through dialogues are unacceptable. A good example to this is in chapter three and seven, please do make a new line when characters are exchanging dialogues, don't put everything in the same paragraph.
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