Review Detail of Sani2341 in The Demonsong Epic By the Brandon Gould who wrote Chossen Heros of Tylingariea
Review detail
To get the worst thing out first, the technical aspects of your writing, Grammar, spelling and even the tenses used at times need some help. Or the first chapters, which are any readers first exposure need to be edited for them. Idealy you would find someone with a good grasp of the English language and have them look your writing over before publishing. As such people are usualy not easy to find, using a spellchecking software would help your early chapters a lot. Now this all aside, your story does have a lot of promise, the characters so far have their own 'vocies' so to speak, and seem to be reasonably well thoughtout. The story so far is progressing slowly but seems to be building up steadily. The worldbuilding too is quite nice, although I did take a star off for your hamfisted approach at it. Suddenly reading a paragraph that gives a rather objective description of the species of flora/fauna in question is a little jarring, but as that is somethign that would improve with practice, I assume it will get better with further chapters.
The Demonsong Epic By the Brandon Gould who wrote Chossen Heros of Tylingariea
Brandongould1994
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This is Brandon gould I am glad you read my book and I know it needs more editing but jokes on you the parts you read have been edited and it seems like you just dont like the spelling so I know that my grammar is bad as for the world building being Hamfisted, ok I dont know what you mean, really i think you are being nitpicky
Well unless you did actualy mean 'to rest' or 'lie down' when writing 'repose', multiple times, in the first chapter, it is indeed a wrong spelling of 'response'. And that's just the first one I noticed. And unless you are talking about British versus American, spelling isn't about 'liking' in English. As for the worldbuilding feeling hamfisted, maybe it's just me but mentioning the silk a character's cloak is made of and then jumping into a paragraph about the animal it's from instead of describing the cloak or the chracater feels quite forced, heavy handed or as I said hamfisted. If this came off as being 'nitpicky' then you shouldn't have asked me to point out things I thought you could improve in the first place.
Brandongould1994:This is Brandon gould I am glad you read my book and I know it needs more editing but jokes on you the parts you read have been edited and it seems like you just dont like the spelling so I know that my grammar is bad as for the world building being Hamfisted, ok I dont know what you mean, really i think you are being nitpicky
my bad, got mixed up in the chapters, i thought i was back at chapter 1 after scrolling up, turns out the ui had chapter 4 as the top end of my scrollbar.
Brandongould1994:I never used the word repose in the first chapter