Hm, interesting. It's a rhythmic poem arranged in short line forms. At first I didn't really like the Bla blah's in parenthesis because I didn't see the fit or connection to the lines before and after them, but then I missed the parenthesis in the middle and liked its reappearance at the end. I also understood the blah blah as the news or chatter by the time the parentheses appeared again. I'm not typically a fan of these types of poems, but I liked how it ended. It took some time for the meaning to come across, but I had an image of a worker sweeping the halls, building the walls etc. rather than the king or queen building the castle. The poem had a bit of a rambling feel to it, like "busy busy as I work to build this castle don't mind others." I felt like it was trying to tell us something deeper in the middle, but I didn't quite catch it. While poems don't have to tell us something deeper, the momentum was lost somewhat in the middle and recovered by the end.
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As I mentioned in the thread, I'm not really good with poems. This is actually more of a way for me to vent off some of the personal stuff in my life going on right now, so maybe that's why it seems somewhat disorganized and hard to make out the deeper meaning behind it? Anyway, I don't see myself writing a lot of poetry in the future, but I appreciate the input!
That's all right. Poetry isn't as strict as writing a story. The disorganization adds a certain voice to it that's engaging in its own way. With that said, it's a bit tricky since I think it's just the structure of it and how it connects and clears up to the end was the only personal issue for me. "Improving poetry" is a toughie that isn't clear or defined since poetry relies on voice/style, and meaning and structure/manner of conveying ideas a lot. Meh, whatever~ a good poem nevertheless.
Orange_Rain:As I mentioned in the thread, I'm not really good with poems. This is actually more of a way for me to vent off some of the personal stuff in my life going on right now, so maybe that's why it seems somewhat disorganized and hard to make out the deeper meaning behind it? Anyway, I don't see myself writing a lot of poetry in the future, but I appreciate the input!