Review Detail of XOMatsumaeohana in Darling in the Mask

Review Swap Valid For Chapter 6 Writing Quality: • Clarity: Using the word 'She' too much. For example, starting from Chapter 3 --" She bolted--" you used the word 'she' 9 times no a few more times before you mentioned the name again. Try to use a mixture of using the character name and she. Not just one. •Grammar: Start of new sentence should always be a capital letter. Same with names. Capital letters - When shouting, yelling just use actions to describe then use capital letters. For example--> "The answer is, yes!" Zhi exclaimed. Your already using an exclamation mark, so that shows your emphasising the word yes already. Using words like 'exclaimed' or 'raised her voice' describing the action. • Good usage of descriptions. Character movement, thoughts and surroundings are described very well. Though in chapter 5- the last few speaking dialogue between Zhi and Howin could use a few more description. I know Zhi kept saying 'no' but it's not very clear to readers. You could write "No," Zhi repeated, (then express what she is thinking when she said this) Maybe she said it with an indifferent look on her face etc. • Use grammarly for punction and grammar checking Story Development:A bit fast paced. Personally I like these types of stories the best. By chapter six a lot is happening already, we get background information on the 'enemy' organzation. But 🤔🤔 hmm before Zhi accepts his hand again - I think they need to learn more about each other. Things have changed since they last met, I wouldn't rush into a relationship so soon. Character Development: Rather than the FL, the one we learn more about in these beginning six chapters is the ML Tadashi. Him being part of a underground organization, shows his brutal side. A side the FL isn't used to seeing since she's always regarded him as her 'hero'. The FL seems pretty meek and bland so far, nothing defining her character properly. But I'm sure this will develop overtime. World Background: No issues here, everything's explained properly. Setting, scene changes. There's only six chapters - so it's hard to judge but for now this is my assessment of it. Overall: A intriguing and unique love story. A few additional suggestions • Longer synopsis, doesn't have to be too long but your present one is too short. • Make sure when you introduce characters, to add description regarding their role or maybe relation to the leads I enjoyed these six chapters and hope to read more. Good luck Author.