Updates: 5 Writing and World: 4 each Story and Character: 3 each Overall: 3.8 The writing is understandable, but there are still frequent grammatical errors that mess up the flow of reading for me. So, I suggest getting a proofreader that’s knowledgeable about proper sentence and verb construction. I had some difficulty grasping the world and the feuds that were currently going on. Some background passages on what’s happening in this world would clear this up greatly. The world info bits are currently scattered through these first three chapters, but they don’t connect/flow in an easy, coherent big picture. Way too many characters in the beginning. I couldn’t keep up unfortunately nor could I connect or grasp any of them very well individually. I’d say stick to no more than 3 characters for the first 3 chapters, and then you can add more. If you need all of them, then again with the background passages mentioned earlier, explain how they all fit into the current events and their relationships to one another beforehand. Once a solid foundation is established, then continue this piece by piece info bit strategy. But for the beginning chapters, this strategy makes it confusing actually. Lastly, this’ll also help the visualization of the action scenes which were interrupted by info bits on their relationship or current struggle in the world. In short, this just needs some grammar brush ups, organization and trimming, and then the story is good to go!
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