OK yeah sorry I was getting used to typing I'll go and fix it soon. Thanks for the feed back

I fixed up all my chapters let me know if they could be fixed a bit more.

Well, it looks a little better, but I can still find mistakes in almost each sentence. Interpunction is kinda non-existent. If you are a kid (and I'm sorry, but it looks like a writting of a kid), please, consider asking teachers at school. I will take first few sentences to point out some examples of your mistakes: "The alarm has been going off for a half an hour BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!! " - I have a problem to even understand this sentence correctly. This form is definitely incorrect. It could either mean that the alarm has been going ON for half an hour (which is wierd as so aggresive alarm clock is usually very effective in waking people up). Or the alarm has been off for half an hour ALREADY (then why do we hear beeps?) Or the alarm has been going ON AND OFF for half an hour, meaning it went on and has been turned off repeatedly for half an hour (but this would be better described with bigger sentence or more sentences). Also, with correct interpuntion it would look like this: "The alarm has been going on for half an hour: BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!", or it could be: "... half an hour! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!!" Sentences should be ended with appropriate mark. And although you can use repeated exclamation mark, you should use it sensitively, mainly to add emphasis. You may also considere to place the beeps on separate lines to add more dynamics. "Shit I'm going to be late if I don't hurry my dumb ass up." - This is correct (if you add comma after "****"), but a little hard to read and looks ridiculous ("hurry my dumb ass up"). Please, consider rewriting this sentence. "The main character of the story Damian rushes and puts on his clothes and runs out his door. " - Repeated "and". I would write: "The main character of the story, Damian, rushly puts on his clothes and runs out of his room." "Mom I'm going to grab a piece of toast ." - Spacing, correctly: "Mom, I'm going to grab a piece of toast." "OK Damian don't be late for school." "OK mom" - spacing + interpunction. I think this gives at least basic understanding of your problems.

Yeah I'll fix that I was working on some of my homework today I'm in highschool and I'm trying to balance things out this is one of my first books and I'm trying a writing style I'm not used to

And I'll work on my punctuation more

And thanks for the feedback.

I would suggest to read some more books, look at how are they written and maybe to try imitate them.

Thanks I'll start reading some more I fixed up the first chapter a bit more.

And thanks for the great feed back.

Also, as to not be only negative, I really admire your attitude to criticism. Most people have great problems hearing that they are bad, or even just that they are not good. And that ultimately dooms their ability to improve, especially if they are just beginning. You don't have to obey everything people advise, but you should accept their opinion. Thank you.

I really do appreciate your advice and I'm trying to get better and I expected I would be bad at first.