webnovel
Eslyna
EslynaLv45yr
2019-07-22 22:03

NOTE THIS IS A CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK REVIEW AND PROBABLY DOES NOT RELATE TO CURRENT STATE OF NOVEL *You can always delete if you care that much about the rating* First your novel is written like a movie script. Don't do that, those are for directors, not readers and aren't fun to read. Also dont put a enter space in a quotes paragraph. End paragraph and make new quote paragraph. There was too much info dumping, you need to make it gradually appear as your world setting needs a lot. I know its easiest to do it all at once, but it makes readers want to read less like me, to be honest I can't even remember much about what I was supposed to. I would reread once more a bit slower, your spelling looks generally god so far (maybe errors in parts I didnt read), but you need to put some commas in certain places like before and (most of time it is needed there). Too much scene changes. If you change it like that you should just write it so it makes more sense and flows better for reader. We can't see what your imagining. Also don't do #, better to just - - - or . . . or _________ or ===== to split scenes. # Just weird from a thrid perspective, even if you use, it spam it. To make a line about big enough fe a phone so 20 taps ish, you dont want to forget what readers might be resding on. Describe 5 senses more, it felt 2D. Also you should work on detailing a little more, plus make more relatable things. Fourth chapter in I still have no idea whats going on other than they landed on another planet (possibly) and the story of Arthur (mightve got name wrong) Im a stop reading now as I already wrote enough, hopefully this helps.

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