Review Detail of XOMatsumaeohana in FORBIDDEN LOVE- A PILE OF PAST MISTAKES.

Part of a review swap, (Chapter 23) Writing Quality: 2.6- I'm being quite generous, I hope you don't mind me saying so but the writing made my head hurt. Going to offer some suggestions. Chapter 4- "In your eyes, (space should be here) am I (I should be capitalized) When you start a new sentence, make sure you capitalize your letters. Again same chapter, "just ---> Just. The same goes for names, Amanda should be written with a capital A not lowercase. Chapter 5- Over capitalizing letters is actually not good in novel writing, if you want to express yelling or screaming you could write something like this... "Will you still stay or get out?" The man said angrily as he increased the volume in his tone. (Something like this works better than capitalizing everything Spaces, don't forget the spaces between speaking dialogue - otherwise it's hard for the readers to see who is speaking. In chapter 9 you forgot to write " " - should be like this--> "Big bro ride this faster?" ** <--- This is unecessary, you don't need this. Something like this works better, ---> "I forgot to tell you that---" Brothers words fell short when a fit of coughs escaped his lips. (I can offer you more advice for this on the forums if you want. Just tag me on your thread) Update: 5/5 Story Development: I find it hard to read but I think I understand the plot line. The pacing is okay, but the lack of detail makes it hard to understand what's going on. Maybe write more about the characters thoughts and emotions. Character Design and World Background: Like I mentioned detail is needed. Character thoughts, perhaps describing their surroundings more too. There's a lot of chapters but far too short, each scene ends abruptly before I fully understand what just happened. Overall: Despite this critical review. The author however does have a plot and idea, with a lot of editing and more writing practice. I believe this story has the potential to get better, if you want any advice or need help. Please just @ me on the forums, I'd be happy to assist. On a side note, the cover is really good. It's certainly going to attract readers.