Review Detail of WithJ in Glory Seeker

Since the author has asked me to be as honest as I can so that the author can improve, I will do my best to provide constructive criticism. Updates No comment. 5/5. Writing Your writing needs a lot of improvement. First of all, there were a lot of run on sentences, inappropriate use of punctuation and lazy writing could be seen. For example, you shouldn’t be using “&” instead of “and”. Such shortcuts reduces writing quality and hints at being lazy and should never be used in a novel. Also, be consistent with your writing. Sometimes you capitalize words and then sometimes you don’t (e.g. “this is…” >> “This is…”). Not only that, names of anything and the “I” pronoun has to be capitalized always. This is a major area where you need to focus on: capitalizing and making proper sentences. Please use a period (and use it correctly)! I can’t say how powerful this punctuation is. Every sentence must end with a period. Every beginning of a sentence must be capitalized. And once you do it, do it consistently throughout your story. Do not stop just because. Example 1 (inappropriate use of semi-colons): Original >> Upon the peak of a mountain Layden with snow at its summit, within one of the 13 countries named Zephyr; lays a Shoulin Warrior monk temple. Within that temple, two boys stood parallel to each other on the building's side. Edited >> Upon the peak of a mountain Layden with snow at its summit, within one of the 13 countries named Zephyr, lays a Shoulin Warrior monk temple. Within that temple, two boys stood parallel to each other on the building's side. (I’m a bit confused if the mountain is called Layden or if that’s a misspelling of some sort? Are you trying to say the mountain is laden with snow at its summit? Or is it “Upon the peak of Mount Layden, with snow at its summit,”…As you can see, it makes a huge difference. Actually this happened quite a lot throughout the story, so you might want to pay attention to it.) Example 2 (wrong use of punctuations and missing capitalization/apostrophes): Original >> shin quickly opened the box and was elated at what he found two daggers. blood red in color that seems to glow in the light. they looked a bit heavy but shin didnt mind. he was happy just to look at the magnificent blades. Edited >> Shin quickly opened the box. He was elated to have found two daggers, blood red in color. It seemed to be glowing in the light. They looked a bit heavy but Shin didn’t mind. He was happy just to look at the magnificent blades. Example 3 (entire paragraph is a run-on): Original >> shin got up and began to follow the voice into an opening across the room with some difficulty due to his leg down a passageway with one hand on the wall supporting his walking and as he walked the whispers got closer and closer shin couldn't explain it he felt like he needed to go toward it and the whisper continued to beckon him closer until the passage opened up into an ancient city with roman type pillars and houses he continued on longer walking across the whole city before appearing in front of a catacomb where he could see a small glowing blue light which seemed to be the source of the whisper and it said Edited >> With some difficulty, due to his injured leg, Shin got up and began to follow the voice into an opening across the room. He went down a passageway with one hand on the wall to support his walking. As he walked, the whispers got closer and closer. Shin couldn't explain it but he felt like he needed to go toward it. The whispering continued to beckon him closer until the passage opened up into an ancient city with roman type pillars and houses. He continued on longer, walking across the whole city before appearing in front of a catacomb where he could see a small glowing blue light. It seemed to be the source of the whisper and it said, (…followed by the dialogue here) (Why wasn’t there a single punctuation used in this large paragraph? This should never, ever happen.) Additionally, pick one tense to write your story in: past or present? Don’t mix the two! And another thing, in the recent chapters, I’ve noticed you lumped everything together. Especially when two characters are speaking but it was just combined as one huge paragraph. Every time a new character speak, they get a separate line/paragraph. Frankly, I don’t like it when a novel keeps on using capitalized letters to indicate shouting. I find doing so is a little *******. You can express a character is shouting simply through the description or use of an exclamation mark. There’s really no need to capitalize the entire sentence whenever they are shouting. Besides, you’ve already described that the character “shouted” so we don’t need the capitalization. I’m not saying don’t use it (if you must) but try not to use it so much. The “start chapter” and “end chapter” is unnecessary. I’m sure the readers know when the start and end of chapter is. Characters It’s still too early for any major character development, but I like how the MC was merged with the system, which boosted his ability to power up. World & Story Despite the lack of proper grammar in this story, I was surprised because I quite liked the world you are trying to build, especially Medtron. The whole water city sounds beautiful and mystical at the same time. It’s actually pretty interesting what’s happened so far, especially with the MC getting this newfound power from the system. It’s also fun to read Shin’s learning process of the system. All in all, I recommend using an editing tool or asking someone to edit the chapters for you. On a side note, I know it’s not absolutely necessary but have you considered adding a book cover? It might attract more readers for you. I see potential in your writing and story. I could picture what you were trying to tell us of your world and characters. However, the main problem is your punctuation/grammar/spelling, and once you improve on that, your story will be so much better. To sum it up, your main area of focus is grammar, consistency and basically, putting more effort into your writing. To be honest, I felt like most of this came from lazy writing because if you actually use all the grammar correctly, your writing is actually pretty good. And it’s not like you don’t know the existence of a comma, period, capitalization, etc of the likes. You’ve used it in some places and then opted not to use it consistently throughout, which kinda baffles me. Anyways, best of luck to you and I hope my suggestions will be of help.