Review Detail of Yuyumamoru in Glory Seeker

I understand that you're a new author looking to improve so I won't only say things like "Good job. I like this, I like that, blah blah... Some other positive filler." No offense to anyone who does but for an author looking to improve, reviews with those kind of short things won't really tell them what could be improved. If you want an honest review please continue, just a reminder though, these words are not meant as negative criticism. From one author to another they are words of advice I've learned firsthand and received by the other veterans on WN. First things first, your grammar. Some mistakes that I found was that you didn't capitalize the beginning of a sentence when someone speaks and in general. There was no capitalization at the beginning of paragraphs or names most of the time. Names should always be capitalized wherever they are. Whether it's at the beginning of a sentence, in the middle or at the end. The same with titles like King, Duke, city names, building names, etc. I saw some but they were almost nonexistent. Sometimes you would have a random capitalized word in the middle of a sentence. There are missing periods after people finished speaking and the end of sentences. Periods cause the reader to unconsciously pause and act as a separator to make things more organized. Commas also connect sentences with a bit of pause. All of these factors add to the flow and organization of your chapters. One long run-on paragraph is not easy to read for they eyes since some readers could lose their reading spot easily. For example: (He was so engrossed in his thoughts Shin didn't notice the fact that the wolf was ready to attack. It swiped at him with feral intensity, just barely whizzing past his head as he quickly sidestepped out the way but, in his moment of confusion the claws carved a deep gash on his arm. He quickly distanced himself from the wolf and asked the system.) I fixed the capitals, commas, periods and I added some different words. It's not professional work but it creates a new kind of scene from what you had previously. I tried to keep most of the original wording and sequence of events. Another thing you could do to change things up a bit instead of using pronouns like 'he', 'him', 'his' etc. you could replace some with their names. Especially if it's like a fight scene between two or more people with the same pronouns. It would be confusing to use he, him, his all the time since the reader wouldn't know who was who. For example: (He raised his sword and swung fiercely, a whip-like crack followed his blade as it rushed towards the enemy. He sensed the danger and chose to doge instead of blocking the blow. Leaping upwards he had forgotten about the other man hidden in the trees. Seeing his chance he threw out numerous dagger at him.) Confusing right? One thing that bugged me was when you randomly added the 'end chapter' or 'start' to your chapters. The readers know what's the beginning and what's the end but if you wanted to keep it as a stylistic choice keep it consistent for each chapter. Also when you wrote 'bc' instead of 'because'. Not sure why you did it but I was kinda just like, 'Wait, what?'. You also had some mistakes in your dialogue. Whenever a new speaker talks it's good to shift down and start a new line. This helps keep your writing neat by differentiating between dialogue and descriptions. There were also some skipping adding of quotation marks that didn't really make sense. For example: ("Enough? What do you mean 'enough'?" Shin asked worriedly "Just, don't piss him off," The King said blankly. "Come Shin, we have much to do." The King called on Shin to follow. "What is this place?" Shin asked, closely following the King. "I already told you, Medtron, the most advanced water-based civilization in the world. We boast the best fish as well as healers and we are known as a passive country but, should the need arise, we have plenty of offensive capability as well." The King said every word with pride. Suddenly a buoyant carriage appeared in front of them.) I'm not sure if you noticed but in the first line of the example I added singular quotation marks inside the speaking quotation marks on the last word. The singular quotation marks can be used while a character or thing is speaking to show that they are quoting something else. If you used the double marks that would be confusing as to where they stopped and started talking. With the separated spacing it's clear who is speaking and is easy to read. I also saw some spelling errors as well. In the example I used you misspelled buoyant and carriage. These small mistakes can be fixed by either auto-correct or if you're really not sure try to type it into your search bar based on what how you think it's spelled and find it from there. Now, it's time for the praise! Did you think there would be none? But, before going any further I just want to my favorite character so far is Master Shu! Back to business. Our MC is seems like the type that trouble follows so he will definitely be put in dire situations so waiting to see how he will overcome them is exciting. The system isn't too overpowered at first either though, I can see how op MC might end up in the future. Like a grotesque gourmet glutton with insane firepower. The city based on water was pretty cool too, the King seems like he's pretty chill but (I hope) there's some sort of twist. From what I saw of your updates it looks pretty steady recently which is good! Your story isn't limited to this though. With room to grow it has potential. As a writer your writing will improve over time as well. From one author to another I wish you the best of luck. Sometimes you'll hit a wall, other times it'll feel like you can bust out a two or three chapters a day but I hope you continue to write. Not sure if my review was helpful or not but... eh. Saw your post on the forums so I just wanted to lend my advice. Hopes this helps!