Review Detail of PBK in Draga of the Vanguard

I was asked by the author to do a review so this will be a bit directed towards the author directly. I really like the story. It's fun and has a surprisingly catching story. My biggest concerns with this story are that it seems rushed and the wordings is quite mainstream. (E.g. in chapter one you use eyes full of anger. Couldn't you have used a stronger emotion than anger? Rage, hatred, bloodthirst etc. Maybe used derived instead of full). It's really minor things but it makes you stop and remember them. It also makes the reader think about the story when they aren't reading it. The are quite a lot of punctuation errors, which probably only bothers a teacher like me. No biggies though 😊 In the first couple of chapters the boy is supposed to be completely possessed with hatred, yet he seeks out others company. It seems a bit contradicting. The same sort of goes for the girl. Your story shares some similarities with Shen Yin Wang Zuo in the beginning. Maybe you could get some inspirations here from how he describes a background filled with hatred. Other characters are sort of poorly described and while there are a very appropriate number of people to keep track of, you don't really have an impression of them. I've seen you commenting on the story with descriptions. Those should definitely have been written into the chapters instead. Outside of that I'd have liked some "As Rei walked into the barracks he.." Tell us what he first notices, his impression of that and what he doesn't notice. I'd have liked a little humor as well, but that wouldn't align with the whole concept of a young boy possessed by hatred, so it's well within reason to leave out. All in all, I think the story is very good and with some minor changes to your narrating it could be great. Best of luck with your story 😊