Item: Love at First Kiss
Rating: 3.6
Author: EIo_Police

EIo_PoliceLv154yr

2020-02-11 07:50

Read 3 paragraphs and was not sure what I was reading. Not a single comma, which makes sentences often very difficult to read. And it's mentioned that the MC weighs like 130kg, most of it is fat and not muscles so he can be considered handsome or something like that. Incredibly confusing since regardless of how you put it, it's weird. 130kg of fat on 190cm body height is very very big and you would not be considered handsome. 130 kg muscles on 190cm is huge as well and would look more like some of the strongman or idk. I'll try and complete the first chapter but I can only hope the reading experience becomes better and you don't have to think 5 times what the author wants to tell you.

Love at First Kiss

poziomowiec

4.6

1002 Chs

Liked by 1 people

Replies1

poziomowiecAuthor

Many first chapters suck i know that but now trully i have no time to edit them to much time to write new and i never planned him to be handsome but normal guy who u can meet everywhere my fml is beauty.

4yr

Other Reviews

PsyberRoseLv12

Looking at the reviews here, and the comments in the novel, there isn't much I can really add on which you are not aware of. Writing Quality: I know English isn't your first language, and that you are making an effort to imrpove but it really is very hard to read. Structurally, it is all over the place as you have so many ideas jumbled into one sentence. I do implore you to do these basics: (i) Use Grammarly. It is free and very useful (ii) Break down your sentences more. (iii) Proper punctuations (full stops) and capitalize. You have to start somewhere, and just slowly get used to the basic grammar writing before doing other things. Story Development: The progress and things that happen are good. You have so many ideas that it makes the story interesting. It has SO MUCH potential. However, if people are unable to follow it due to the inability to read smoothly, a rough gem will never shine. You need to polish it so its shine can be seen. Character Design: The ML and FL are believable. You can understand the ML stone heart and the FL naivety when it comes to falling in love. Keep that up. It is good. I am sorry I cannot give you 5*; I believe in being honest. Only the stability of updates get full marks whereas the rest needs lota of work. All the best, Author.

5yr

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Miss_RomanceLv4

You MUST work on editing your story. I'm sorry for the low rating but I couldn't get through the first chapter as there are uncountable grammar and syntax errors. English is my third language but I do my best not to make mistakes in my writings. Please take this into consideration, nobody will carry on reading your novel it you don't work on the mistakes.

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SelfFishReaderLv13

please find time to fix the use of english word the story is good but the editor or writer made some mistakes in using english words just my opinion I don't want to offend you but what I'm saying is a fact I hope you can continue your love of making novel take this as a practice

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adorable_angelLv6

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hartpelerLv10

read for first 20 chapters already. as an aspiring author myself. I don't mind about the grammar issue so much as I'm pretty technical to the level that I could tolerate 7th language English level. but the problem is on the paragraph breaks. if you're writing fantasy. then it's normal that you have a lengthy narration / conversation quote. but this is the romance genre where everyone reads it as "loving story". consider to fix your paragraph. made it max 5 sentences/paragraphs or 3 sentences/paragraphs. world background wise. you need to improve it as I see that you're using the heavy narration, try to change world building from narration to conversation .it will works 4/5 for the determination of the author to write despite of no one seems reading on it.

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