Review Detail of Jin_Daoran in Talentless sect master chosen by the system (Being rewritten)

Good grammar. I feel that, in WN these days, that is the first consideration, haha. Nightin? Um. You know every time I read this name, I feel like I'm reading about Wee Willie Winkie's slightly more edgy cousin going on a rampage. The beginning chapters are a bit rough. There usually should be a balance between show and tell, and much of the content of the initial chapters is too much 'tell' and not enough 'show'. Despite all the 'tell', the dynamics of the world were a bit confusing until the end of volume 1. That is, the dissemination of information about the world wasn't paced well. The writing style gets better in the later chapters however, and the author's progress in writing can be seen. Keep on writing, dear author. I'll be cheering you on! There are a number of reoccurring issues that I see even in the chapters after the 100th: The transitions between POVs and sometimes scenes is a mess. There is also a jarring amount of flipping between past and present tense in the narration. Please keep to one tense. The character progression is also somewhat haphazard and the attempts at humor are...not to my taste. For example, in the first tournament, the MC acts like a child at the tournament and the merchant hall. Well, he's a teenager so mood swings are normal. Then mere months later he's disseminating wisdom and getting awed looks. That's a lot of maturity to gain in months of nothing life-changing being shown in the story. The concept for this story is great, and the author definitely has the stamina for a novel-length fic. I am in awe of the sheer persistence needed to write 180 chapters of this, author. Nearly two hundred chapters, dangit. I lost sleep for this, lol. There are a few things about the first volume that I would like to address: This is a sect-builder novel and it's a great concept. I always like a good xxx-builder novel as they have a planned progression and a good chance of interesting characters. It's also billed as a system novel. The issue though, is that the system just disappears the moment the MC starts building the sect. Where are the incentives for building, the rewards for each disciple gaining a new realm, the quests that make the MC drive the disciples to near death (and glorious reward of course) in the name of completing quotas and questlines? In chapter 11 Conflict, the MC is given access and control to the merchant hall that 'even royals are afraid of'. This is the point the System became useless. Since such a powerful and rich entity is in the control of the MC, what is the use of the System then since the MC could just build his sect from the power and influence of the Peacock merchant hall? Then one chapter later, he and the single disciple win a mid-range tournament and suddenly gain a hundred disciples and an additional ringer just as strong as the first disciple. Since this is a sect-builder, I expected a slow build-up gaining trust and friendship from various people before inundating the place with random nameless and faceless martial apprentices. Then two chapters later, this sect not even half a year old gains another ringer in the form of a princess who is also a martial master and who becomes the sect's new elder. In this same chapter, he discovers another genius in his ranks who is later (also before chapter 20) is revealed to be their heir to a kingdom. In the creation of a sect, there are politics to consider and two royals suddenly joining is sure to be an advantage. I just wish it had been more of a trial for the MC to gain their cooperation and even trust. A single battle and a single conversation does not engender comradeship...and he just made them leaders of his sect just like that. That's just asking for mutiny, dude. I'm fairly certain some System magic has been happening in the background because in chapter 19, there is reference to a palace they're living in. If the title did not contain any reference to being chosen by the System, that would be fine for the System to be in the background. But the System actually is referenced in the title, so. The problem is that, between the chapters 10 and 20, the MC gains nearly all his stated goals. In the initial chapters, he vowed to get strong and avenge his family. The Sect-builder System was supposed to help that, to become the strongest sect in the world. Then in the 6th chapter the vow of vengeance is absolutely cut short by him actually finding and killing the person who slaughtered his family. And then nothing, no follow up and no added mystery until he meets a suddenly appearing estranged uncle and learns that his parents are still alive. At the very least the dying slaughterer of his family should have foreshadowed something like this and not blindsided the readers with what seems like a deus ex. Most of the goals of the MC, the vengeance on his family, the sect-building, the need for power, become obsolete before chapter 20, and the goals that might be able to replace these, like the search for his parents or the circumstances of the people in the sect, are not referenced until so much later that they lose impact. The first volume is overly rushed. That is not truly a problem. The thing that makes the first volume uninteresting is that the powerful merchant hall, the geniuses, the disciples of the sect, the cultivation paths and martial techniques, they just appeared with the MC having little to do with gaining these advantages. They're just given to him with not much effort on his part. The progression of the plot was based too much on coincidence and luck, with little explanation for these people and things falling out of the sky. They kind of...just happened. Just because he had a bad past does not mean the world owes him something, y'know. At the very least he has to do something to convince his estranged uncle to give the merchant hall to him, or plot to trick his uncle out of it. The easy way he accepted his uncle's words was a bit unbelievable for someone who just yelled furiously that the Gale family had no connection to him. Same with gaining the trust of various people and actually digging into mud and blood for techniques to teach the disciples. The MC having trouble collecting disciples would also be a great plotline especially if the System sends him on quests to 'capture' some strong person or other. Conclusion: The draw of a story is that even if in the end the reader knows that the protagonist will win, the author has written the story to make the chance that the protagonist will not win a believable ending. If not, then where's the thrill, the satisfaction? The protagonist has to work for the rewards he earns, not just swann through life being given stuff. The beginning of the novel was great, big mood, great motivation for the MC, - a strong start. Then it weakened and slowly started to rise again, but the rise was too late to gain interest from a wider readership. Still, you're progressing, author! In danger of sounding like a fool, I leave you with these thoughts: "Be not afraid of going slow, be afraid of standing still." Every moment we write is a moment we progress. I hope to see more of your writing here.