webnovel
ThreyaMidnight
ThreyaMidnightLv121yr
2023-07-12 01:52

Hey there! Here are a few notes that I made while reading your story: 1.) I think your story has a lot of potential! But in order to attract more readers, I suggest changing the sentence structure of the synopsis a bit like: "Lauren, no..." She whispers. "You don't want this, baby"? "I do, but we are in school". ... and so forth. 2. Second, I LOVE your book cover. Obviously, that's Aurielle, am I right? It gave a good impression to me so I wanted to read it more! 3. Third, I noticed that the dialogues between the characters ended up merging over time. Lorena's dialogue with Mr. Maritn wasn't appropriately separated (if I'm not mistaken this is specifically in Chapter 4) and there were other numerous cases as the story progressed. 4. This bothered me so much: Why did Mr. Martin call Aurielle a "goddess"? This is borderline sexual harassment from a teacher T^T Overall, I believe there are a lot of space for improvement! As long as you work hard to correct them and make sure it doesn't repeat itself, you'll be able to create quality work! I hope this review doesn't offend you and that you take it as a form of encouragement in your journey as a writer. Let's be better writers together!

Phoenix's flame

Annisax
4.7
13 Chs

Liked by 1 people

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Replies2
Annisax
AnnisaxAuthor

I will work on it. Thank you for your advice🥰🥰🥰

1yr
1
Annisax
AnnisaxAuthor

Yes that was Aurielle on the cover.I suppose I have to change Mr Martins line then, not the first time I am hearing a complaint bout it. Thank you

1yr
1
Other Reviews
TsukasaFrier
TsukasaFrierLv3

I love your writing style, its easy to read and enjoyable. As for the plot, the story still in beginning stage so its difficult to give honest review but I think the potential is there. The pacing is good as well!

1yr

mina_jinhoo
mina_jinhooLv2

Even though this story has only about 5 chapters it has already captured my interest.The synopsis alone captured my attention and the first chapter was really interesting. The author has a very interesting idea wile writing this book. The amount of creativity in the book was perfect and the language and pronunciation was on spot. keep up the great work

1yr
femme_fatale
femme_fataleLv1

The story is still in its early stages but I know it's going to be big. It advances interestingly. I would like to suggest that you use "...." for dialogues. It would be easier to read. Overall the story seems really great! Keep up the great work author!

1yr
sleepingpeacefully
sleepingpeacefullyLv3

Loved it ,story and writing style is great and loved it so far. Looking forward for more, Keep it up author.[img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend][img=recommend]

1yr
Adam_Aksara
Adam_AksaraLv3

"Phoenix's Flame" is a captivating teen webnovel that hooks you from the start. The narrative seamlessly blends coming-of-age themes with fantasy elements, resulting in a uniquely riveting tale. The protagonist's journey, much like a phoenix rising, is filled with challenges and growth, offering readers an inspiring narrative. The plot twists are well-executed, and the author's vibrant storytelling brings the world to life. Consistent updates and the author's engagement with readers add to the charm. "Phoenix's Flame" is truly a brilliant, five-star read that resonates with the teen spirit.

1yr
Ninestar619_5803
Ninestar619_5803Lv4

Of all the elements of the story, the writing style was the best... why? cause it makes u feel like u r watching a series rather than reading a fine online book. This book is great and easily flowing. Good job, author

1yr
Theothegiant
TheothegiantLv3

though this story has only about 5 chapters I'm very intrigued by it. The synopsis alone made me want to dive into this book and the first chapter was really interesting. language and pronunciation had no problems at all! keep up!

1yr
Kkomi
KkomiLv11

Your writing style is absolutely wonderful! It feels so natural and easy to read. I love how fast-paced it is; it keeps me engaged, and I never get bored in any of the chapters. While there may be some small punctuation errors, it's still a joy diving into your story.

1yr
ikigai_yugen
ikigai_yugenLv2

Right off the bat, the FL is utterly hilarious 🤣 I honestly couldn't stop laughing after reading the first chapter! The plot seems interesting and a few improvements in punctuation and grammar could make this book pretty hard to put down ^.^ Great job Author ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

1yr
First_Flame
First_FlameLv3

4.6 for me, Sorry I'm not the romantic type of guy so I'll say it from a single person point of view (sad single life) The story is interesting, thou a little faced paced, the characters and well written and the setting in great, the dialogue sometime overlap and there are some grammatical mistakes which we all make (Especially me as English is not my first language) But there is improvement as the story progresses, so keep going and one more thing, the chapters are too short, lol. People need sauce so don't deny them of this privilege.

1yr
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