Nice work! The essentials, for me, are already there. I can say that the story is heading in the right direction. It just needs a few changes in terms of grammar and writing. First, I feel quite uncomfortable looking at the inconsistent casing of the chapter titles, or even the title of the book itself. Second, the form of nouns. Sometimes plural nouns are written as singular. Vice versa. Third, tenses. Slight inconsistency in present and past tenses. Don't worry it's all minor and it doesn't affect the story very much. Also, I can see you improve as I progress in the story. Good job, author!
luna_sol
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