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Review Detail of MystenNoire in Versatile Gamer[Paused]

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MystenNoire
MystenNoireLv145yrMystenNoire

This is a really interesting story and I look forward to what more it can bring. There are some points I'd like to bring up. Firstly, the writing style is really...unique. It's written more similar to that of a script than that of a narrative text. It's not hard to imagine the incidents happening in the scene and the dialogues are mainly well spaced and clear. It's not that this is a bad style to write in. Just, not very novel-like. The characters aren't very well described though. It's hard to imagine their appearance, even the main character himself. The newest chapter (chapter 4) also has an ineffective description. Everything is mashed into the MC's monologue and makes it hard to keep track of. In addition to that, the pacing is breakneck fast because of this. It'd be better if there were little pauses to make it feel like the MC is really wondering and plotting the things. I'm not going to mention what the monologue is about though. My reviews are spoiler-free :) Other than character description, the world description also needs a bit more elaboration. Most of the places right now are just empty, barren spaces, tunnels or well-known worlds (from novels and animes). Unfortunately, not everyone gets the references. Tiny details and descriptions would really help understanding why does the MC feel a certain way. Maybe a distinct quirk of the referenced anime/novel? This way, maybe I'd be able to sorta understand even if I don't get the references at all. I really like the concept here and I hope it gets better in the future. I'm a dedicated fan of interesting ideas and you, my friend, have found one right here just waiting to bloom. Good luck for the author! I'll be lurking here all the way :P

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Versatile Gamer[Paused]

Auren02

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Auren02
Auren02AuthorAuren02

Thank you. I have always noticed that there has always been a lack of description and I am still trying to learn to input descriptions where the readers can have an easier time visualizing what they are seeing. I can also see that I have rushed it so I'll try to fix the 3 chapters before I upload the new chapter. Also, I am glad that you liked my Script-Novel Hybrid. I liked scripts because they are easy to read and to imagine while novels create Worlds and Universes that are for the mind to experience so I'm glad someone recognized my efforts however I will make improvements. Thank you for the criticism and honesty. Much appreciated. I'll try to see what I can do.

MystenNoire
MystenNoireLv14MystenNoire

Ahh, it's always refreshing to see such wonderful response to criticism :D I'm glad to be of help. I'm looking forward to more of your work in the future! Good luck~

Auren02:Thank you. I have always noticed that there has always been a lack of description and I am still trying to learn to input descriptions where the readers can have an easier time visualizing what they are seeing. I can also see that I have rushed it so I'll try to fix the 3 chapters before I upload the new chapter. Also, I am glad that you liked my Script-Novel Hybrid. I liked scripts because they are easy to read and to imagine while novels create Worlds and Universes that are for the mind to experience so I'm glad someone recognized my efforts however I will make improvements. Thank you for the criticism and honesty. Much appreciated. I'll try to see what I can do.
Auren02
Auren02AuthorAuren02

I redid the novel so I hope it's better.

MystenNoire:Ahh, it's always refreshing to see such wonderful response to criticism :D I'm glad to be of help. I'm looking forward to more of your work in the future! Good luck~
MystenNoire
MystenNoireLv14MystenNoire

Whoa :O it's looking great! You did a good job 👍 It's good to have some background on the main character first before most of anything really happens so I applaud you on that. Good luck on the next chapters!

Auren02:I redid the novel so I hope it's better.
Auren02
Auren02AuthorAuren02

Thanks, dude. Appreciated.

MystenNoire:Whoa :O it's looking great! You did a good job 👍 It's good to have some background on the main character first before most of anything really happens so I applaud you on that. Good luck on the next chapters!
funmaxwell
funmaxwellLv13funmaxwell

From reading your review it sounds like the story doesn't have alot of depth to it. Which is a really bad sign indicating that it is probably complete trash. Because the author probably didn't put a hole lot of thought and effort into writhing the story.

MystenNoire
MystenNoireLv14MystenNoire

Well, to put it bluntly, I suppose it was. Note the past tense used there. The story has changed a LOT since I wrote this review and I haven't had the time to fix or change anything in the review to suit said changes. I think you should try it out, at the very least. It's very different now compared to when it first started and the change is satisfactory, at least in my opinion. Plus, I gotta thank you for reminding me this review existed and that I should probably fix it to suit the current version of the story :)

funmaxwell:From reading your review it sounds like the story doesn't have alot of depth to it. Which is a really bad sign indicating that it is probably complete trash. Because the author probably didn't put a hole lot of thought and effort into writhing the story.