Review Detail of PettyOfficer in Mutagen

Exallion:Next, about the gangsters not having guns, I see, you live in the US. FYI gangsters in our country differed from what you can find there. Our gangsters here, specially minor aged ones, resort more on improvised weapons unless they are a part of a crime syndicate. Another thing, yes, the infected can be lured in by the sound of the gunshot. But, remember where they are? A cinema. Cinema's are built to contain the sounds inside as much as possible even if the doors are not locked. About asking the mother clean Mei up, duh. Its better for a female to do that especially a mother. She was just defiled by a male and making another male touch her body afterwards is like making everything worse. Geez. Furthermore, though it was embarrassing to do, the intensity with the mother doing it was lesser that making two virgin girls do it. As for the employee though... nah never mind. I already said that the mother was already walking after the cinema. Back to the rich fatty, he did not held everyone hostage for correction. He only threatened them into closing the shutters. It was never mentioned that he killed someone, I wonder what you are reading to find that. As for the flashbacks, it was to introduce the important character. Though it might be a bit cringey I admit, it was at least necessary. Furthermore, she was not the only person who have that kind of chapter. As for suspecting about the harem format, drop that. Having more female companions doesn't constitute to a harem where there wasn't even a romance part on it. Furthermore, there are many women around Mark in the current chapters (Chapter 132) but none of them had a romantic relation or interest to the MC even except for Mei. As for the cliches, I won't say anything about it. Anyone can find one or two in every novel since every single possible character personality can be regarded as one. Not only that, cliches are accumulated plots and characteristics compiled from the predecessor serials, novels, movies and stories. It was almost impossible to find something that had not been used before and can't be regarded as a cliche. If you can write one without a single cliche, then, I'll bow to you. There are times the MC shows a hero like side but there was always a reason to that and the reasons are always at the later chapters. That is also why you say that it was incomplete, because what you have read is just the beginning not even the middle, lest the conclusion. There are always answers to the things you are saying incomplete. While some could be seen if you just contemplate for it quite deeply, most of the answers are stated in the later chapters. Now if I have to ask??? You're not the first one but why does everyone that gives a low review barely even touched the beginning of the story.

Exallion:Next, about the gangsters not having guns, I see, you live in the US. FYI gangsters in our country differed from what you can find there. Our gangsters here, specially minor aged ones, resort more on improvised weapons unless they are a part of a crime syndicate. Another thing, yes, the infected can be lured in by the sound of the gunshot. But, remember where they are? A cinema. Cinema's are built to contain the sounds inside as much as possible even if the doors are not locked. About asking the mother clean Mei up, duh. Its better for a female to do that especially a mother. She was just defiled by a male and making another male touch her body afterwards is like making everything worse. Geez. Furthermore, though it was embarrassing to do, the intensity with the mother doing it was lesser that making two virgin girls do it. As for the employee though... nah never mind. I already said that the mother was already walking after the cinema. Back to the rich fatty, he did not held everyone hostage for correction. He only threatened them into closing the shutters. It was never mentioned that he killed someone, I wonder what you are reading to find that. As for the flashbacks, it was to introduce the important character. Though it might be a bit cringey I admit, it was at least necessary. Furthermore, she was not the only person who have that kind of chapter. As for suspecting about the harem format, drop that. Having more female companions doesn't constitute to a harem where there wasn't even a romance part on it. Furthermore, there are many women around Mark in the current chapters (Chapter 132) but none of them had a romantic relation or interest to the MC even except for Mei. As for the cliches, I won't say anything about it. Anyone can find one or two in every novel since every single possible character personality can be regarded as one. Not only that, cliches are accumulated plots and characteristics compiled from the predecessor serials, novels, movies and stories. It was almost impossible to find something that had not been used before and can't be regarded as a cliche. If you can write one without a single cliche, then, I'll bow to you. There are times the MC shows a hero like side but there was always a reason to that and the reasons are always at the later chapters. That is also why you say that it was incomplete, because what you have read is just the beginning not even the middle, lest the conclusion. There are always answers to the things you are saying incomplete. While some could be seen if you just contemplate for it quite deeply, most of the answers are stated in the later chapters. Now if I have to ask??? You're not the first one but why does everyone that gives a low review barely even touched the beginning of the story.

Exallion:Next, about the gangsters not having guns, I see, you live in the US. FYI gangsters in our country differed from what you can find there. Our gangsters here, specially minor aged ones, resort more on improvised weapons unless they are a part of a crime syndicate. Another thing, yes, the infected can be lured in by the sound of the gunshot. But, remember where they are? A cinema. Cinema's are built to contain the sounds inside as much as possible even if the doors are not locked. About asking the mother clean Mei up, duh. Its better for a female to do that especially a mother. She was just defiled by a male and making another male touch her body afterwards is like making everything worse. Geez. Furthermore, though it was embarrassing to do, the intensity with the mother doing it was lesser that making two virgin girls do it. As for the employee though... nah never mind. I already said that the mother was already walking after the cinema. Back to the rich fatty, he did not held everyone hostage for correction. He only threatened them into closing the shutters. It was never mentioned that he killed someone, I wonder what you are reading to find that. As for the flashbacks, it was to introduce the important character. Though it might be a bit cringey I admit, it was at least necessary. Furthermore, she was not the only person who have that kind of chapter. As for suspecting about the harem format, drop that. Having more female companions doesn't constitute to a harem where there wasn't even a romance part on it. Furthermore, there are many women around Mark in the current chapters (Chapter 132) but none of them had a romantic relation or interest to the MC even except for Mei. As for the cliches, I won't say anything about it. Anyone can find one or two in every novel since every single possible character personality can be regarded as one. Not only that, cliches are accumulated plots and characteristics compiled from the predecessor serials, novels, movies and stories. It was almost impossible to find something that had not been used before and can't be regarded as a cliche. If you can write one without a single cliche, then, I'll bow to you. There are times the MC shows a hero like side but there was always a reason to that and the reasons are always at the later chapters. That is also why you say that it was incomplete, because what you have read is just the beginning not even the middle, lest the conclusion. There are always answers to the things you are saying incomplete. While some could be seen if you just contemplate for it quite deeply, most of the answers are stated in the later chapters. Now if I have to ask??? You're not the first one but why does everyone that gives a low review barely even touched the beginning of the story.

Exallion:Well, yes. I admit that there are flaws in the first chapters and I already stated before that I have yet to revise the first chapters that had very poor grammar on them. I think, its like that for until chapter 30 I think. The grammar had already improved about that time. As for the ones the I haven't revised yet, their turn will come in the future. About the story, let me enlighten you. There's no service for phones, no police and no one new about the outbreak in the area. If you search about the location of the place the story happened in a map, you will see that it is quite a location south west of Luzon in the Philippines. Considering that its scenario the outbreak had was a spreading one, it was late for people in this place to notice it specially for people on the road. No police? it was because they were already deployed somewhere else and try to contain the outbreak or at least block them from reaching this area! Remember the traffic? It was because the police had blocked the roads already. With the infected coming to their location, it was obvious that their ranks had already been breached! So what police are you looking for? Of course you will see them at other places than this place as its not like every policeman was in the area to be deployed. I don't know why you are asking about the guards though when they are there. Next, you want to know why the infected seem to go after the men with the guns? Geez, you said it, they have guns! They attract the infected more that the running people for their noisy shooting. Shooting skill? Where is that? If I'm correct, he already missed his target several times. He was just too close that time to miss. Also about the guard??? If you read chapter 16, the guard appearing there was too much accidental. About the other characters, I don't know why you are fussing about them too much, the three you even complained about, though they affected some parts of the main story, are just side characters. If you read later chapters, you will know that he came there for Ange and Paula with the mother and daughter being a tag along. He also just brought the employee for convenience. If you remember, it was mentioned that he was the most fit looking one of the three. The introductions of those people though came a bit later since there are no time for them to introduce themselves. The mother surviving that far can be constituted to luck. Not every person can be unlucky unless you are reading a dark fantasy themed novel. About the daughter though... What are you talking about? First, she was carried by Paula and after the cinema, she was being carried by her mother. The mother only suffered sprain and not like her foot is broken. Now, I doubt if you really read the story at all. As for the gangsters. I know that it was more efficient to just kill them but duh, its not like his ammo was infinite. If your thinking right, it was better for the gangsters to just flee and not make him waste ammo. He only resorted to shooting when the gangsters did not looked fazed and tried to retaliate. As for the gangsters luring them back, don't think of it. Its not like the gangster slowly ran out of the cinema for them to think of returning. With the threat of death at the cinema, of course the gangster would try to flee where the threat would be lesser and that is further away. If you noticed, the number of infected at the corridor was almost nonexistent in the next chapters. It was a place not that known by the customers and of course only the employees had access to these places. That is also the reason why they are heading for that corridors in the first place. Furthermore, it was not a wuxia where enemies would resort to mutual destruction with the protagonist. Leading the infected back? they would sure die without chances of bringing Mark along with them. A cinema is large, by the time they entered back to lead the infected, Mark have all the time to run away and lock them

Exallion:Next, about the gangsters not having guns, I see, you live in the US. FYI gangsters in our country differed from what you can find there. Our gangsters here, specially minor aged ones, resort more on improvised weapons unless they are a part of a crime syndicate. Another thing, yes, the infected can be lured in by the sound of the gunshot. But, remember where they are? A cinema. Cinema's are built to contain the sounds inside as much as possible even if the doors are not locked. About asking the mother clean Mei up, duh. Its better for a female to do that especially a mother. She was just defiled by a male and making another male touch her body afterwards is like making everything worse. Geez. Furthermore, though it was embarrassing to do, the intensity with the mother doing it was lesser that making two virgin girls do it. As for the employee though... nah never mind. I already said that the mother was already walking after the cinema. Back to the rich fatty, he did not held everyone hostage for correction. He only threatened them into closing the shutters. It was never mentioned that he killed someone, I wonder what you are reading to find that. As for the flashbacks, it was to introduce the important character. Though it might be a bit cringey I admit, it was at least necessary. Furthermore, she was not the only person who have that kind of chapter. As for suspecting about the harem format, drop that. Having more female companions doesn't constitute to a harem where there wasn't even a romance part on it. Furthermore, there are many women around Mark in the current chapters (Chapter 132) but none of them had a romantic relation or interest to the MC even except for Mei. As for the cliches, I won't say anything about it. Anyone can find one or two in every novel since every single possible character personality can be regarded as one. Not only that, cliches are accumulated plots and characteristics compiled from the predecessor serials, novels, movies and stories. It was almost impossible to find something that had not been used before and can't be regarded as a cliche. If you can write one without a single cliche, then, I'll bow to you. There are times the MC shows a hero like side but there was always a reason to that and the reasons are always at the later chapters. That is also why you say that it was incomplete, because what you have read is just the beginning not even the middle, lest the conclusion. There are always answers to the things you are saying incomplete. While some could be seen if you just contemplate for it quite deeply, most of the answers are stated in the later chapters. Now if I have to ask??? You're not the first one but why does everyone that gives a low review barely even touched the beginning of the story.

Exallion:Well, yes. I admit that there are flaws in the first chapters and I already stated before that I have yet to revise the first chapters that had very poor grammar on them. I think, its like that for until chapter 30 I think. The grammar had already improved about that time. As for the ones the I haven't revised yet, their turn will come in the future. About the story, let me enlighten you. There's no service for phones, no police and no one new about the outbreak in the area. If you search about the location of the place the story happened in a map, you will see that it is quite a location south west of Luzon in the Philippines. Considering that its scenario the outbreak had was a spreading one, it was late for people in this place to notice it specially for people on the road. No police? it was because they were already deployed somewhere else and try to contain the outbreak or at least block them from reaching this area! Remember the traffic? It was because the police had blocked the roads already. With the infected coming to their location, it was obvious that their ranks had already been breached! So what police are you looking for? Of course you will see them at other places than this place as its not like every policeman was in the area to be deployed. I don't know why you are asking about the guards though when they are there. Next, you want to know why the infected seem to go after the men with the guns? Geez, you said it, they have guns! They attract the infected more that the running people for their noisy shooting. Shooting skill? Where is that? If I'm correct, he already missed his target several times. He was just too close that time to miss. Also about the guard??? If you read chapter 16, the guard appearing there was too much accidental. About the other characters, I don't know why you are fussing about them too much, the three you even complained about, though they affected some parts of the main story, are just side characters. If you read later chapters, you will know that he came there for Ange and Paula with the mother and daughter being a tag along. He also just brought the employee for convenience. If you remember, it was mentioned that he was the most fit looking one of the three. The introductions of those people though came a bit later since there are no time for them to introduce themselves. The mother surviving that far can be constituted to luck. Not every person can be unlucky unless you are reading a dark fantasy themed novel. About the daughter though... What are you talking about? First, she was carried by Paula and after the cinema, she was being carried by her mother. The mother only suffered sprain and not like her foot is broken. Now, I doubt if you really read the story at all. As for the gangsters. I know that it was more efficient to just kill them but duh, its not like his ammo was infinite. If your thinking right, it was better for the gangsters to just flee and not make him waste ammo. He only resorted to shooting when the gangsters did not looked fazed and tried to retaliate. As for the gangsters luring them back, don't think of it. Its not like the gangster slowly ran out of the cinema for them to think of returning. With the threat of death at the cinema, of course the gangster would try to flee where the threat would be lesser and that is further away. If you noticed, the number of infected at the corridor was almost nonexistent in the next chapters. It was a place not that known by the customers and of course only the employees had access to these places. That is also the reason why they are heading for that corridors in the first place. Furthermore, it was not a wuxia where enemies would resort to mutual destruction with the protagonist. Leading the infected back? they would sure die without chances of bringing Mark along with them. A cinema is large, by the time they entered back to lead the infected, Mark have all the time to run away and lock them

Space_Fox:Does the MC waste time and resource for saving useless people? Does he save people and keep them when they are only burdens? Yes or No? Also, you cant expect to give a reason to your actions 15 chapters laters, if you have a reason you gotta give it instantly, people are not gonna read 30+ chapters to find a reason, if they dont like a decision they need a reason for a compromise but no one is gonna read 30+ chapter of something they dont like, and as long as the reason is not given they are not gonna like it

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Space_Fox:I never said anything about the rating? What I want to know is why does he keeps people that are only burden? The mother with the daughter is a burden, why does he let her tag along and help her even? why does he have to save people that are not usefull, and even if they become later, at that time he didnt know if they were/will be usefull. Does he keep/save people that are burdens? Did he ever left someone to die (an innocent person) because he/she was not usefull?

PettyOfficer:I expected the gangsters to have more guns. The MC was easily able to swipe one off a security guard. So why can’t the gangsters do so? Where did they get the first gun, anyway? Anyway, what was the reason for taking the Boss alive? Getting info where he got a gun? Why the Hell did the MC forget taking the Boss hostage? While he was zoning out over the female love interest, the gangster could have knifed him for revenge. After all, you showed a cornered man doing mutual destruction already. It would’ve been good for character development and breaking the mood of the cliché for the Boss to do one final act. Now you say the cinema is sound proofed. But you also said in the fiction that the gunshot was loud and clear. It attracted zombies. Now which is it? The gunshot lured zombies or it didn’t? Because it clearly did according to the fiction. Also, my main point wasn’t having the mom clean up Mei. It was the gangster r*ping her all over and covering her with his jizz. A man is realistically unable to blow that many loads. How much time has passed since the outbreak? It’s been less than a day, probably an hour or two. What the f**k is that? And you again show your favoritism for women. You didn’t bother to name the employee. It’s depressing. You wonder why I called the MC a harem maker now? You didn’t bother detailing other men. He doesn’t matter enough to you. Mother walking after an hour or so later, my *ss. Sprains don’t heal that quickly, like I said. She’d also be useless to run away from zombies, let alone carrying the 30-50 lbs baggage of her daughter. The rich fatty did hold everyone hostage. It’s how he forced the employees to close the shutters. I admit I was wrong about him killing someone. The flashbacks were horrendous. This was TWO chapters worth. I’m pretty sure none of the other characters had this much dedication to their backstory. It was also a jarring tangent. The cliché made it worse. You might as well have brushed past it or started the story from here. Too many flashbacks makes the reader have too much infodumping. We don’t remember all of it and we won’t care if it’s boring. No sh*t I suspect a harem. You’re doing every cliché to jam in as many female baggages on the MC’s plate. You didn’t bother naming or directly describing the male employee’s intentions outright. All I see is that you care way more about describing the woman than moving the story forward. Especially with the TWO chapters of flashbacks. I don’t CARE about chapter 132. I’m on chapter f**king 18. I can’t predict over 100 chapters in advance. I’m not God. Your problem is that you have too many clichés happening at once. Pretty much every encounter is a cliché and every character is based off of a cliché. Your characters act on a cliché manner. They solve their problems in a cliché way. Nothing feels completely unique. That’s the problem. Your biggest problem as a writer is saying “there is a reason” as an excuse. To us readers, we hear you say, “don’t worry, in the future, I covered up this plot hole.” You’re the “mystery man” saying there is always a plan, but all the plans we see are absolute ****. There are always inconsistencies that are bugging readers and it doesn’t help that you’d rather waste chapters describing women instead of describing the plot. We give up because we think you’re doing the carrot on a stick method. In honesty, it is. It’s too much effort for readers to swim through that cliché mess and be disappointed again and again. The answer is always somewhere near, but it’s not here. Or the answer is here, but you don’t understand it. F**k. We readers understand it. The reason is ****. It’s plot armor.

PettyOfficer:I wrote this with no sleep in the morning while super hungry, so I’m sorry that the review is wrong at a few details, like how the fatty shot a warning instead of killing someone. However, the core of my criticism still stands. I told you the main reason for my super low score was the spam of 5 stars from 2-3 people. Your fiction’s rating is highly misleading. It’s not perfect. It’s full of clichés. That means it is decent, but it isn’t exceptional. My complaints were all summed up in too many clichés, too much emphasis on “plans,” too many useless extras that are *sspulls for their survival, and too many POV shifts. When you have a narrative, readers like consistency. Readers like being able to see progression. Your characters seem like cardboard cutouts taken from mangas or heroes in light novels. They are customized with your personal touch, but they are still cardboard cutouts. Now, for your explanation? It’s the modern world. How can cell service be cut off so easily? Also, how can’t officials issue an emergency warning? I’m pretty sure the Philippines has their own methods to declare a national emergency. How hard is it to send out a message? Better yet, broadcast on radio and over speakers? Then there’s the guards getting killed. I call horse s*** on your logic. There are swarms of screaming and panicking civilians. Why do they target the far away noise instead of the nearby roar of the people? Zombies are supposed to be killing those defenseless people, but somehow they bypass all of the crowd? The guards can’t kill the zombies? You already said fast zombies feel pain and can die. How are the zombies bum rushing them so easily? With the number of people, the zombies are not only congested by civilians, but by their own numbers. You add in the zombies that fall down when shot. It’s impossible for the guards to die so easily. Now the shooting skill. The MC holds a shotgun one-handed and hasn’t failed to hit a target with each shot from what I know. You can’t miss a shot up close, okay, but not only that, he’s not hurt by the bucking of the gun. He’s rapidly firing it. Not only that, he handles it easily with his Otaku knowledge instead of actual knowledge of handling a gun. It’s a huge stretch for me at this point. Then there’s how he gets the gun. Like most encounters he has, it’s by pure luck. How lucky is he for everything to go his way? I don’t care if you try to smooth out the side characters later on. Your introduction of them was outrageous. Egregious to a jaw-dropping fault. You wonder why no one likes it further from the intro because they hate this stale sort of coincidences. The only ones left are people who can swallow this mess. Their survival was again due to luck. The rescue scenario was cliché. You even got the “woman holds everyone back” cliché, but did it through a one-dimensional throwaway character. The daughter surviving? Bullsh*t! You’re telling me that a mom carrying a child of about 30-50 lbs ran away from zombies, but it was the men who couldn’t outrun zombies? Again, it’s the contrivances of plot armor. You use too much luck to force their characters in. Then the mom is carried by the unnamed employee. This again is where I’m angry since you can flesh out all the women, but failed to give a paragraph for the man. At least give him a name. Anyway, Paula carries the kid. This 30-50 lbs kid. She manages to outrun the zombies with this burden? What is she, superhuman? She already ran away from zombies. Where’s her fatigue? Then you have the gall to say the mom carries the kid? With a sprained foot? It takes at least a few days to treat. She should be exhausted. She should be in pain. She shouldn’t be able to muscle on through. I doubt if you read anything about what a sprain does to a person. Now the gangsters. Oh God the gangster scene. You told us he knew they had a gun. He could predict the Boss had a gun. What do

Exallion:For the continuation. As for the guards, yes, they were shooting attracting more attention. But I never mentioned that the infected ignored everyone else? I also didn't say that the infected bypassed everyone else just to get to the guards. They were bound to attract the infected near their vicinity and they were the first ones to be attacked even if there are people around him but I never said that the ones further away were going after them without attacking others. If you noticed in the chapter where the guards were killed, the majority of the fleeing people had already ran past them. So basically, they are already at the forefront. The guards can kill the infected but can they kill every single one of them? Yes, the fast zombie can feel pain and die but with the number of people in the Philippines especially in a commercial area like this, there are more people bound to be infected yes. Considering congestion its also a yes. Also, the guards did not die easily, I never mentioned that. The guards fought the infected and that was the reason they died. Several guards in a mall can't possible outnumber the infected if you ask me. For the shooting skill, Mark was shooting up not that far that is why he did not miss hitting the infected but he missed his target which was the head of the infected. Next, there was nothing mentioned of rapidly firing it either. As for the pain and bucking of the gun, one question, why the hell is a shut-in like him being able to run here and there, fight the infected up front? He have no muscle training but how is his blows strong enough to damage the infected? Those three questions have the same answer and its already addressed in a further chapter so I won't say anything about it. About luck... what? rather than saying everything goes his way, don't you think that most of the things that happened had gone against what he wanted? First, he made those people at the third floor to gather supplies and stuff but he did not make it into the TechZone immediately and got shut off. Furthermore, the guard was not there because it wandered into the coincidentally. That was the same guard that chased after the gangsters that lost its target before making it to the third floor. When it finally made its way to the third floor, the first person it saw was Mark and led by that scenario. It was also a coincidence but at least, it had reason than an infected blindly appearing there. Well, if you think that's its a mess, then I don't mind. Not all people will like what I'm writing. I'm just writing because I want to and had the time to. At least, I'm not like others who would stop halfway of their work leaving everyone hanging. As for the introduction of the side characters, they haven't even done the introduction itself. The way I write lets the characters introduce themselves at the right time and not me feeding the readers every information like other authors. Yes, it would take the patience of the readers but that's how I write, at least, in the few earlier chapters. As for the mother...What? Its not like I ever said she came from the very first floor am I? Since that was the case, there was a lot of possibilities. What if she ran first from the second floor and the other people had already overtaken her aside from those who lagged behind and came from the first floor. If she was really running very fast, then there was no way for the man behind to catch her foot after falling down. As for Paula carrying the child and the employee carrying the mother, they never outrun the infected. If they could then Mark had no need to deal with the infected following behind them and just continuously run away. That was also one of the reasons they took a little break at the cinema while Mark clean up the following infected.

PettyOfficer:I wrote this with no sleep in the morning while super hungry, so I’m sorry that the review is wrong at a few details, like how the fatty shot a warning instead of killing someone. However, the core of my criticism still stands. I told you the main reason for my super low score was the spam of 5 stars from 2-3 people. Your fiction’s rating is highly misleading. It’s not perfect. It’s full of clichés. That means it is decent, but it isn’t exceptional. My complaints were all summed up in too many clichés, too much emphasis on “plans,” too many useless extras that are *sspulls for their survival, and too many POV shifts. When you have a narrative, readers like consistency. Readers like being able to see progression. Your characters seem like cardboard cutouts taken from mangas or heroes in light novels. They are customized with your personal touch, but they are still cardboard cutouts. Now, for your explanation? It’s the modern world. How can cell service be cut off so easily? Also, how can’t officials issue an emergency warning? I’m pretty sure the Philippines has their own methods to declare a national emergency. How hard is it to send out a message? Better yet, broadcast on radio and over speakers? Then there’s the guards getting killed. I call horse s*** on your logic. There are swarms of screaming and panicking civilians. Why do they target the far away noise instead of the nearby roar of the people? Zombies are supposed to be killing those defenseless people, but somehow they bypass all of the crowd? The guards can’t kill the zombies? You already said fast zombies feel pain and can die. How are the zombies bum rushing them so easily? With the number of people, the zombies are not only congested by civilians, but by their own numbers. You add in the zombies that fall down when shot. It’s impossible for the guards to die so easily. Now the shooting skill. The MC holds a shotgun one-handed and hasn’t failed to hit a target with each shot from what I know. You can’t miss a shot up close, okay, but not only that, he’s not hurt by the bucking of the gun. He’s rapidly firing it. Not only that, he handles it easily with his Otaku knowledge instead of actual knowledge of handling a gun. It’s a huge stretch for me at this point. Then there’s how he gets the gun. Like most encounters he has, it’s by pure luck. How lucky is he for everything to go his way? I don’t care if you try to smooth out the side characters later on. Your introduction of them was outrageous. Egregious to a jaw-dropping fault. You wonder why no one likes it further from the intro because they hate this stale sort of coincidences. The only ones left are people who can swallow this mess. Their survival was again due to luck. The rescue scenario was cliché. You even got the “woman holds everyone back” cliché, but did it through a one-dimensional throwaway character. The daughter surviving? Bullsh*t! You’re telling me that a mom carrying a child of about 30-50 lbs ran away from zombies, but it was the men who couldn’t outrun zombies? Again, it’s the contrivances of plot armor. You use too much luck to force their characters in. Then the mom is carried by the unnamed employee. This again is where I’m angry since you can flesh out all the women, but failed to give a paragraph for the man. At least give him a name. Anyway, Paula carries the kid. This 30-50 lbs kid. She manages to outrun the zombies with this burden? What is she, superhuman? She already ran away from zombies. Where’s her fatigue? Then you have the gall to say the mom carries the kid? With a sprained foot? It takes at least a few days to treat. She should be exhausted. She should be in pain. She shouldn’t be able to muscle on through. I doubt if you read anything about what a sprain does to a person. Now the gangsters. Oh God the gangster scene. You told us he knew they had a gun. He could predict the Boss had a gun. What do

PettyOfficer:I expected the gangsters to have more guns. The MC was easily able to swipe one off a security guard. So why can’t the gangsters do so? Where did they get the first gun, anyway? Anyway, what was the reason for taking the Boss alive? Getting info where he got a gun? Why the Hell did the MC forget taking the Boss hostage? While he was zoning out over the female love interest, the gangster could have knifed him for revenge. After all, you showed a cornered man doing mutual destruction already. It would’ve been good for character development and breaking the mood of the cliché for the Boss to do one final act. Now you say the cinema is sound proofed. But you also said in the fiction that the gunshot was loud and clear. It attracted zombies. Now which is it? The gunshot lured zombies or it didn’t? Because it clearly did according to the fiction. Also, my main point wasn’t having the mom clean up Mei. It was the gangster r*ping her all over and covering her with his jizz. A man is realistically unable to blow that many loads. How much time has passed since the outbreak? It’s been less than a day, probably an hour or two. What the f**k is that? And you again show your favoritism for women. You didn’t bother to name the employee. It’s depressing. You wonder why I called the MC a harem maker now? You didn’t bother detailing other men. He doesn’t matter enough to you. Mother walking after an hour or so later, my *ss. Sprains don’t heal that quickly, like I said. She’d also be useless to run away from zombies, let alone carrying the 30-50 lbs baggage of her daughter. The rich fatty did hold everyone hostage. It’s how he forced the employees to close the shutters. I admit I was wrong about him killing someone. The flashbacks were horrendous. This was TWO chapters worth. I’m pretty sure none of the other characters had this much dedication to their backstory. It was also a jarring tangent. The cliché made it worse. You might as well have brushed past it or started the story from here. Too many flashbacks makes the reader have too much infodumping. We don’t remember all of it and we won’t care if it’s boring. No sh*t I suspect a harem. You’re doing every cliché to jam in as many female baggages on the MC’s plate. You didn’t bother naming or directly describing the male employee’s intentions outright. All I see is that you care way more about describing the woman than moving the story forward. Especially with the TWO chapters of flashbacks. I don’t CARE about chapter 132. I’m on chapter f**king 18. I can’t predict over 100 chapters in advance. I’m not God. Your problem is that you have too many clichés happening at once. Pretty much every encounter is a cliché and every character is based off of a cliché. Your characters act on a cliché manner. They solve their problems in a cliché way. Nothing feels completely unique. That’s the problem. Your biggest problem as a writer is saying “there is a reason” as an excuse. To us readers, we hear you say, “don’t worry, in the future, I covered up this plot hole.” You’re the “mystery man” saying there is always a plan, but all the plans we see are absolute ****. There are always inconsistencies that are bugging readers and it doesn’t help that you’d rather waste chapters describing women instead of describing the plot. We give up because we think you’re doing the carrot on a stick method. In honesty, it is. It’s too much effort for readers to swim through that cliché mess and be disappointed again and again. The answer is always somewhere near, but it’s not here. Or the answer is here, but you don’t understand it. F**k. We readers understand it. The reason is ****. It’s plot armor.

PettyOfficer:Lol. Funny story. My house went through a power outage and just got power back. A few minutes ago, I was on the phone to ask about it and the second I ended the call, the power flipped on. As for my behavior, I’m sorry for being rude. I’m just really aggressive when it comes to how characters are. When I see people with what I think are bad characters, I start flaming the characters like they’re real people. Sometimes, it overflows to the author. I’ve spent five years writing independently and all I’ve produced was trash, so I lash out at the sort of bothersome things I would do. I’m a harsh self-critic, but I don’t think it helps my writing. I tend not to care about my characters and go with what inspiration I have. It usually flops and I get stuck in a dead end. I also lose motivation too easily. It gets too bothersome because all I have is my phone at home to write with. Basically, I’m a big tough love type of guy. The more I care about something, the more I criticize it. It’s not like I helped anyone, but I say my opinion loud and clear. Then I leave because I can’t force myself to commit to anything.

PettyOfficer:I wrote this with no sleep in the morning while super hungry, so I’m sorry that the review is wrong at a few details, like how the fatty shot a warning instead of killing someone. However, the core of my criticism still stands. I told you the main reason for my super low score was the spam of 5 stars from 2-3 people. Your fiction’s rating is highly misleading. It’s not perfect. It’s full of clichés. That means it is decent, but it isn’t exceptional. My complaints were all summed up in too many clichés, too much emphasis on “plans,” too many useless extras that are *sspulls for their survival, and too many POV shifts. When you have a narrative, readers like consistency. Readers like being able to see progression. Your characters seem like cardboard cutouts taken from mangas or heroes in light novels. They are customized with your personal touch, but they are still cardboard cutouts. Now, for your explanation? It’s the modern world. How can cell service be cut off so easily? Also, how can’t officials issue an emergency warning? I’m pretty sure the Philippines has their own methods to declare a national emergency. How hard is it to send out a message? Better yet, broadcast on radio and over speakers? Then there’s the guards getting killed. I call horse s*** on your logic. There are swarms of screaming and panicking civilians. Why do they target the far away noise instead of the nearby roar of the people? Zombies are supposed to be killing those defenseless people, but somehow they bypass all of the crowd? The guards can’t kill the zombies? You already said fast zombies feel pain and can die. How are the zombies bum rushing them so easily? With the number of people, the zombies are not only congested by civilians, but by their own numbers. You add in the zombies that fall down when shot. It’s impossible for the guards to die so easily. Now the shooting skill. The MC holds a shotgun one-handed and hasn’t failed to hit a target with each shot from what I know. You can’t miss a shot up close, okay, but not only that, he’s not hurt by the bucking of the gun. He’s rapidly firing it. Not only that, he handles it easily with his Otaku knowledge instead of actual knowledge of handling a gun. It’s a huge stretch for me at this point. Then there’s how he gets the gun. Like most encounters he has, it’s by pure luck. How lucky is he for everything to go his way? I don’t care if you try to smooth out the side characters later on. Your introduction of them was outrageous. Egregious to a jaw-dropping fault. You wonder why no one likes it further from the intro because they hate this stale sort of coincidences. The only ones left are people who can swallow this mess. Their survival was again due to luck. The rescue scenario was cliché. You even got the “woman holds everyone back” cliché, but did it through a one-dimensional throwaway character. The daughter surviving? Bullsh*t! You’re telling me that a mom carrying a child of about 30-50 lbs ran away from zombies, but it was the men who couldn’t outrun zombies? Again, it’s the contrivances of plot armor. You use too much luck to force their characters in. Then the mom is carried by the unnamed employee. This again is where I’m angry since you can flesh out all the women, but failed to give a paragraph for the man. At least give him a name. Anyway, Paula carries the kid. This 30-50 lbs kid. She manages to outrun the zombies with this burden? What is she, superhuman? She already ran away from zombies. Where’s her fatigue? Then you have the gall to say the mom carries the kid? With a sprained foot? It takes at least a few days to treat. She should be exhausted. She should be in pain. She shouldn’t be able to muscle on through. I doubt if you read anything about what a sprain does to a person. Now the gangsters. Oh God the gangster scene. You told us he knew they had a gun. He could predict the Boss had a gun. What do

Exallion:Well, its not like its bothers me though... hahaha Actually, it not for your words being rude before, I'll just laughed it off and not post anything. Well, I earned something though. At least, I can avoid the things you pointed out in the future and I can also change that once I start revising the older chapters. I know there are a lot of missing parts and I have to improve there. By the way, if your stuck with not caring about your characters, then start with a story with a character based on yourself. With that way, you won't be stuck since you know yourself and you won't be able to forget about yourself either. As it was based on you, you know what decisions the character will make based on the events you throw at him preventing it from being stuck. Giving the character the powers you want to have and how you use it will also advance the plot more if you ask me. Well, its been a secret for a time now but yes, Mark was based on myself so I am a cliche character too hahahah there are also other characters in this story based on people I know so I don't have the hard time creating their personalities. As for Mei, yes I really care for her. If you ask me, I crammed all of the characteristics of my ideal woman unto her haha. Anyways, those will make your story stop from being chaotic. I read your story "The Neet God". The concept was good but the writing is chaotic as you said. If you have difficulties about characters, then try what I said once and let's see what happens. Also, since the character was made after you, it also somehow prevents you from stopping writing since you want to have your character a good ending. Actually, that was the way for me. I have times that I have no motivation to write because I'm so tired or just being lazy but as the main character was based on me, I can't stop writing. I also want to see how he will end up in the future. Also, its not bad to start at low. When I started this novel, I don't even have readers. When my novel managed to get to the 2000th place in the powerranking for original novels, I'm already happy since who would read something from an ******* writer like me? So I never really expected to get these ratings and power ranking. Actually, I had notions of stopping before, having rude critics are really bad for my mind. You haven't read it yet but Mark had a 'cluster a social disorder'. And yes, since he was based on me, I had the same disorder, That is why I made gave him the ability to at least fight his social anxiety which is something that I don't have. Due to this, I always end up retaliating if ever I find rude remarks on my story. Pretty much like how I responded to Almightylord5th in his review. A critic with a good tone would make me accept his critic. If the critic was rude, I end up retaliating no matter what hahaha pardon me for that XD

plastic_doll:I may have been rude in my previous reply but actually after reading what you wrote as replies I realized something. People will either like your novel or dislike it, no choice. I say this because I can't bear having to read a novel with an MC that's surrounded by all women, even if not harem or romance, it just inevitably leans or gives almost the same vibes. As for the servant or employee, he may not have introduced his name but you're the author! Can't you just do it for him? I mean you yourself said not every girl that's surrounding him is a main but they still have their names(probably?), just give him any name it's not that hard really, I'm pretty sure he's even more helpful(if little) than most of the side character baggages. Anyways my point is, that's your style or writing, and that's how you imagine or fantasize yourself as MC, surrounded by girls(harem or not) and that's okay, but I hope you'll be focusing mostly on plot rather than putting women and just filling the blanks to get the story going. Now I haven't read the story but that's just my advice it doesn't hurt anyways, as for the story I won't be reading it, just not my taste at all. Anyways good luck! where can I find a novel with men only?