Review Detail of Dontlookdown in Abuse of Magic
Review detail
First, i would like to say im only to ch. 26, so ill try to just point out flaws that wont be fixed by later chapters (such as plot holes and the like). Also, maybe the flaws in the early chapters are fixed (grammar, charactee dec, etc.). So keep all of that in mind as you read my review. Anywho, lets start. First thing is the grammar. I would consider it passable, as in its better than 80% of original novels. Sometimes the flow of the story is broken due to a missing word, repetitive wording, or a run-on sentence. Though the author has the ability to vividly describe the setting, it seems like the amount of effort put in varies (ch. 25 is excellent in regards to description, other chapters dont seem to carry the same amount of variety and scene setting). Once again early chapters here, could be way better later on. Next is character developement. This one is a bit tricky. The author clearly put effory into creating backstory for the characters, but the delivery drastically lowers the effect on the reader. The info is not spread out, but rather spit out in either one long monologue or through the narrator providing direct backstory. As for the main cast, well, 26 chapters in... For character development, i feel like there is plenty of potential, but the delivery has to be spread out more to create interest/mystery. Worldbuilding right now is the main issue. I have no idea right now about the world around them. There is little, if any, description of the time period, architecture, or even basic surroundings. Another thing i want to talk about is the character interactions. Right now they are a bit strange. The joseph/stella dynamic is a bit choppy. I had to reread some chapters to figure out how they had become so close, or why they are suddenly doing something together. It seems rushed, which wouldnt be a problem if they showed childish tendencies. as of now they act more like clueless teenagers, which does not fit their interactions. Other small things bother me, but those are more of a personal preference rather than constructive criticism. Dont let the 3 stars fool you. It doesnt mean the novel is bad, just that as of now there are flaws that are a bit hard for me as a reader to overlook. Worth your time to try out, and see if its a fit for you.
Abuse of Magic
Sdrawkcab
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Thank you for your review. The beginning is lacking in world building, but it gets better the longer you read. As far as the interaction between the two characters Joseph/Stella, the reason they are so choppy and more like clueless teenagers, as you put it, is because of the difficulty for them in that they are still small children, but have the memories of much older people in their heads. They know that some things are wrong, and that they should be embarrassed, or concerned, but don't really understand it well. A lot of my readers have struggled with this, and some day I may try and rewrite it, but for now I choose to leave it as is. The uncomfortable interacting is resolved after five chapters, or so, and it begins to flow much better. I appreciate that fact that you gave a good reason for the low review, other than just saying it was bad and shooting the story down, as so many others have done. I do try to go back over the chapters, when I have time, and address any concerns my readers have. So if you mentioned any grammar problems I will definitely get to them, when I can. Thank you!
Thanks for explaining the issue of interaction. I feel like the main problem that people have is since both their levels of maturity arent well explained during their early interactions, people immediately assume they are close to normal children of that age. After you explained that, it clicked in my mind. and i can see how having both an adults maturity in one area, while having a childs mind, can lead to strange interactions. Ill keep reading, and i will probably give another review once i catch up to the latest chapters. By the way, thanks for responding to my review. Its nice to know that my feedback has been heard.
Sdrawkcab:Thank you for your review. The beginning is lacking in world building, but it gets better the longer you read. As far as the interaction between the two characters Joseph/Stella, the reason they are so choppy and more like clueless teenagers, as you put it, is because of the difficulty for them in that they are still small children, but have the memories of much older people in their heads. They know that some things are wrong, and that they should be embarrassed, or concerned, but don't really understand it well. A lot of my readers have struggled with this, and some day I may try and rewrite it, but for now I choose to leave it as is. The uncomfortable interacting is resolved after five chapters, or so, and it begins to flow much better. I appreciate that fact that you gave a good reason for the low review, other than just saying it was bad and shooting the story down, as so many others have done. I do try to go back over the chapters, when I have time, and address any concerns my readers have. So if you mentioned any grammar problems I will definitely get to them, when I can. Thank you!