Review Detail of midnight_bloom in My brother's friend
Review detail
The plot has potential however I feel that there's something lacking in the presentation. Perhaps it's really too early to give out comments because the story is still starting, but I guess at 9 chapters, the pace is a little slow? Nevertheless, as I've said it's a promising plot with lots of rooms for improvement. Emotions are a little intense with so much anger/angst from the characters. I don't know if it's intentional, though. At ch 9, significant interactions are only between characters focusing on familial discord. Quite dubious if it fits the genre, but again, it's might be too early to tell. Looking forward to more chapters, and the budding of the romance. It's on the onset already but execution is important. Good luck, author.
My brother's friend
Nzoputa
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I would suggest for the next chapters to give equal weight in the interactions of the characters, if possible even more weight on the interaction of the main characters because as of now, the side characters are getting more screentime, if you know what I mean. Also, if you can add more scenes which will induce other emotions from the readers aside from anger, the better. It will balance out the overly strong emotion of anger. Although, I don't know if it's intentional though. If it is, then maybe you can disregard that one out, hehe. Maybe it would help too if you can decrease the descriptive words a little (although it's commendable) and increase the conversations, or the plot so that you maximize the chapter since it's around 1000 words only per ch. Excited to see the flare of the romance.
Nzoputa:Tysm, also what do you suggest I should do to fix the problem you mentioned.
Tysm, I think I get it. And I actually wanted to convey angry emotions so I'm glad I got that right.
midnight_bloom:I would suggest for the next chapters to give equal weight in the interactions of the characters, if possible even more weight on the interaction of the main characters because as of now, the side characters are getting more screentime, if you know what I mean. Also, if you can add more scenes which will induce other emotions from the readers aside from anger, the better. It will balance out the overly strong emotion of anger. Although, I don't know if it's intentional though. If it is, then maybe you can disregard that one out, hehe. Maybe it would help too if you can decrease the descriptive words a little (although it's commendable) and increase the conversations, or the plot so that you maximize the chapter since it's around 1000 words only per ch. Excited to see the flare of the romance.
Nzoputa:Hi just posted a new chapter, was wondering if you'd like to check it out.