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Review Detail of Chryiss in My brother's friend

Review detail

Chryiss
ChryissLv51yrChryiss

The writing is actually pretty good; even though, there are still some grammar mistakes, mainly punctuation and spelling stood out to me the most. The characters aren't particularly original and are the usual male and female leads and their females--in other words, they act in expected ways such as how the ML finds the FL almost blindingly beautiful and captivating--> This wouldn't be bad if there was more build-up to this; love at first is fine but seriously cliche. Another example would be the reaction of the mother at the end of chapter 6. However, the nice upside to the characters, although I saw this more for the ML than the FL, was the introspection/their thoughts. This good for fleshing out the characters. Continue with this and their development. The story is just beginning, so I can't say much on it. The good point of difference from this story and any other romance story on Webnovel is the trauma/seizures induced at the name of the sibling to the FL. This is definitely different. Lastly, keep updating, it seems that it's been some time since you last posted at least compared to the previous frequency. Overall, good job so far!

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My brother's friend

Nzoputa

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Replies4

Nzoputa
NzoputaAuthorNzoputa

thank you so much, and I will work on the things you pointed out. :)

Nzoputa
NzoputaAuthorNzoputa

Hi, what would you suggest I do about the cliche stuff, how do you think I can fix that.

Chryiss
ChryissLv5Chryiss

More backstory and build up after the first encounter. Rather than love at first sight, show it through curiosity or interest like why do I keep looking over at her, and later, why am I bothered by her? And like I had also said, more inner thoughts and feelings from the FL too. A good example of this would be, “Can you mend my broken heart story?” romance story. The ML doesn’t fall head over heels but acts in realistic ways.

Nzoputa
NzoputaAuthorNzoputa

Thanks, and I.ve read that book and see your point. I already updated it, so please can you read it and tell me what you think, if I got it right.

Chryiss:More backstory and build up after the first encounter. Rather than love at first sight, show it through curiosity or interest like why do I keep looking over at her, and later, why am I bothered by her? And like I had also said, more inner thoughts and feelings from the FL too. A good example of this would be, “Can you mend my broken heart story?” romance story. The ML doesn’t fall head over heels but acts in realistic ways.