Boaz_MichaeliLv125yr

2019-11-21 14:05

I realy just wanted to write you a private message but couldn't find how sorry its a somewhat bad review but i will explain as much as i can and hopefully it will help in some way. Please take it as a constructive critism. After getting that out of the way the next section: Writing Quality - pretty good no mispelled words or typos in general so thats a plus. The writing style on the other hand could be better - the way you describe the outside world and the character's inner world is either lacking or childish either way i suggest you reaserch and practice more on those - will be mentioned again on 'characters'. Stability of Updates - every day! which is way better than most so 5/5 on that. Story Develepment - Pretty bad realy, the story is more 'character driven' meaning MC going around doing what feels right with no concrete theme or plot. Example of a plot: "we need to destroy this evil ring in a distant and dangerous place" cliche i know but its a good classic plot. another point regarding plot - i would like to introduce a thing to you called 'Chekhov's gun' basically its a term based on a saying of a famous writer, he said thus: "If in the first act you have hung a pistol on the wall, then in the following one it should be fired. Otherwise don't put it there." (Please research this further it involves more princple and will help you!) What i'm saying is: you have randomness in the story, now surprises or "suddeness" for lack of better word, is not bad but randomness is, what i mean is if a hungry wolf showed and begged for leftovers near the fire he doesnt just bolt right away and never apears again he should be back some day and it will be relevant (if you did things well that is) but you barely gave it one paragraph we know so little about that wolf that even if he did come back it will not be cool or meaningful. we slowly make our way into - -World Background - because the same point is relevant there as well in some instances MC is walking around town talking to merchants, buying/selling or admiring merchandise. when in that town they stay at an in and you gave some attention to a Lily character that worked there. in all those situation and MORE there is no effing interactions!! ZERO!!! he doesnt talk to the barmaid at all, the cool merchant selling the most expensive enchnted wepons just nods once at the MC friend while polishing a sword. Even the cool hammer thing didn't have a symbol so they can later find the blacksmith of the thing and establish some connction. Basically you show zero planning ahead, more than that, you leave your world barren from the thing that give life to a world like local rumors/humor/sayings/etc and that leaves your world building in the gutter compared to what it COULD be. Character Design - In a first look it looks like they are a bit 2 dimensional, like their inner world isnt very well developed but i tend to belive you have a good grasp of the chrarcter you want them to have, but just CANT bring it out properly meaning you don't express them correctly or well enough which connects us to style which i discussed before. Thank you fo reading this far and sorry about the spelling which is probably not perfect. I hope i got my points across and hope you will notice such things and plan better as you go along. I would also like yo point out i don't hate the story and may continue to read it my personal enjoyment is 7/10 which is pretty good. There is more to say but this should be good for now.

The Divine Wolf... or?

Tyrone_Bedoire

4.1

250 Chs