Review Detail of WinterBud in Assassins Rebellion

I like how collaborative the first couple of chapters were. The author is hellbent on improving, and that's as good an indicator as anything that s/he will. That said, this story in particular has its moments, but for me it's not quite there yet. For the writing quality, other reviewers and/or commenters have already pointed out the major issues, so I'll just add a few. It's not a comprehensive nitpick, though. I encourage the author to learn how to spot these mistakes when s/he proofreads. "...her gaze *meat* a gas tank." "That it can *open break* a..." --> should be "break open" "The man she needs to say 'dad' to him." --> try reading dubious sentences like this out loud, it will be easier to notice what's wrong with it. Capitalization: "Dragon faction," --> this seems to be a proper noun. If so, the quotations can be removed, and capitalize both: Dragon Faction. (Also, the paragraph about its "core members" seems to have been repeated over two chapters.) More improper use of capitalization: "Kayla *Thinks*..." "Valentina will die a slow, *Enjoyable* death" --> "enjoyable death" brings something else to mind; might want to change the word used here. "I will *Rebel*! I will *Kill*!" Story development seems rushed in places. After MC escapes, she spends six months in hiding, but her thoughts and feelings did not change in that time. Her thirst for revenge could have become more refined. She could also have calmed down and tried to work out why previous events happened. For a fifteen-year-old character, the MC's portrayal is accurate, I guess? I haven't seen much of the world yet because I have not read enough. The details for the spaces she is in are good, they showed promise for how the bigger background would be. Keep wanting to improve, author, and you will. Good luck :)