Review Detail of Fowl in Assassins Rebellion

Hello Mr. Forsaken, I read the first three chapters of your new novel and then I had to stop. Let's break it down into different parts: Language: I guess english is not your first language and, judging by the way you write, you're probably not even european. For non-europeans, english grammar and writing can be a big hurdle to overcome. I highly suggest you write in your original language first, then maybe slowly transition to english. Anyway, if you're dead set on writing in english, I can suggest few things. First, KEEP IT SIMPLE. That's the biggest advice for all new writers. Even I had to keep syntax and grammar easy and very linear, when I first started. And I'm talking about writing in my first language. Last Wish System, one of the most popular original novel on this website, has an incredibly ****** story and syntax. It's too ****** even for me, but people like that kind of thing. Parataxis and clean writing is the way! Second, you MUST find someone who knows english, possibly a mothertongue. Sell your left hand (we guys only need one hand after all lol) if you have to, but you need someone to correct your grammar in order to improve. The storyline and original content are the main engine for web novels, but refined writing is always very appreciated by native speakers. Overall, I'd give you a 2/5 for grammar. Story? Man, I don't want to be harsh, but the way your novel is written makes really hard to get the story. I really couldn't get to the point at all. You need to fix the grammar and style first. I'd give it a 3/5 waiting for the writing to be polished. Now I want to stress one thing for your personal development. Readers can't actually read mind. Bad news, I know, but they really can't. You left A LOT of details unspoken and you wrote too hastily. Let's take for example: "Kaylah knows she has limited time to escape, and running from her pursuers will not be easy. But she knows the local area and has plotted her escape route towards the "Dragon faction," the rulers of the northern slums. She heads towards the Dragonites base, a small part of the faction her father was part of. Kaylah needs to lose her pursuers before she even thinks of directly entering the area. She heads towards a clothing salon because she has a deal with the owner. She will pay four times the price of whatever she grabs at a later time." Dragon Faction? Who the friggin' heck are they mate? I like FOLLOW UPS: you write about smth/smn and BANG write two paragraphs to explain who they are, what they are, if they are ga* or not and whatever. This needs to be done without weighing down on the overall style and flow. Side notes: - Do not use the present tense - You don't need a comma after and (check conjunctions)