Review Detail of DeJeL in A traveler that changes the world [IS BEING REWROTE!!!!]

*Remember, this review is based on the first 5 chapters* Constructive Criticism: First, I suggest you remember to update your readers on when you will be updating your story. Second, I noticed that in chapter two, you came up with the suicide by gun to give her hart to her mother, but this part of the story shows a lack of research in my opinion... you can be the child of another by blood, but not have a compatible heart to transplant... yet you never really covered any of the information as to could her heart really benefit her mother (sure it could have happened during her unspoken conversation w/ the doctor, but that's not very good story telling). Third, here is a small mistake I saw: Chapter 4 Is: "Look at our angel, Amella. she can't take her eyes of the scenery! Her eyes shine like two ruby stars!" Should be: "Look at our angel, Amella. She can't take her eyes off the scenery! Her eyes shine like two ruby stars!" Positive Feedback: your story flows well (w/ exception to the point I said in chapter 2 above), you have a Pre-Story that seems original (how she got to this new world), and I don't see many grammar nor spelling mistakes. Personal Feedback: I can't tell what I think of your story as of chapter five, so I will continue reading at a later time... if I decide I don't like it, I will abandon it, otherwise I will read it until the end.;,;. Score: WQ&SoU 4/5 Rest 5/5