Sumary: If you like to read a fast paced story about a "marvelous" and "perfect" MC that gets things done easily with his cheats and flirts with waifus in between, this is for you. It was not for me. Had a good fast paced start with the premise of a megacorporation CEO transmigrating into the body of a a good for nothing noble in a fantasy world. But the CEO aspect in the title means nothing to the story. He doesn't make a mega corporation or something like that, but resolves everything thought raw violence. And this 'power' to beat anyone and everyone came for free through the system as an 'evolution' perk. Basically a random cheat he got in the beginning for no reason. Also, the story quickly devolved into a wish fulfillment tale where the MC is too amazing and gets things done too easily. Characters are one dimensional and the story becomes TOO fast paced, except when he's flirting with girls(mostly Ahri the Foxkin), which you'll then get several chapters of it. Every woman is mesmerized by his looks, everything he 'invents' is amazing an revolutionizes the world, people cheer and worship him, etc etc, all by chapter 30.
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you complain about fast pace yet you want him to create a mega-corporation by chapter 30? and yes people worship and cheer him because he saved their kingdom with his 'inventions' and yes, the road further down will be much harder for Caesar... I didn't want the first arc too much too much difficulty for Caesar. And I have mentioned many times in the novel that the MC is not perfect and his morals are indeed questionable compared to a normal person. Thank you for your criticism, however, I will try to fix some of the things you have pointed out... (this story is not a harem btw)
Nor a mega corporation per se, but to solve problems and hardships through his skills as an intelligent CEO. Whether is by hiring/contracting strong people, or making loads of money or even building his own 'Army', anything that calls back to the main premise: "A CEO in a Fantasy World" The premise of a CEO, a person who is great at administration, solving every problem by personally punching people in the face is contradictory (you could just change the title though) Also, even if you tell that he's not perfect, the way the story is described and how your other characters see him is as perfect amazing being. Remember the show don't tell premise. You are showing that he's perfect, even by telling us otherwise in the comments. For last, do remember that the initial arc is the most important one for your book, since it's the one that hooks the reader in, so even if you make things less easy and more dramatic for him in future arcs , you might have already lost a lot of readers by then. The criticism is supposed to be constructive. I wish the best of luck in your writing. Cheers!
To defeat the enemy the MC had created weapons, trained the army and raised their morale... He did not have time to create a business at that point (especially since the trade routes were blocked in the northern forest for a time) I agree that the MC should not just simply punch people to solve a problem. Caesar is very skillful at leading people and being a megaphone, one of his main skills/traits is his eloquence, hence the flirting or the mesmerization. I also understand that your criticism is meant to be constructive and I truly do appreciate your honesty... I am sincerely regretful my story is not to your taste, I will, however, work harder on it in the future. Thank you for your time~ cheers! (he is also going to do more CEO things in the future)
hawlol:Nor a mega corporation per se, but to solve problems and hardships through his skills as an intelligent CEO. Whether is by hiring/contracting strong people, or making loads of money or even building his own 'Army', anything that calls back to the main premise: "A CEO in a Fantasy World" The premise of a CEO, a person who is great at administration, solving every problem by personally punching people in the face is contradictory (you could just change the title though) Also, even if you tell that he's not perfect, the way the story is described and how your other characters see him is as perfect amazing being. Remember the show don't tell premise. You are showing that he's perfect, even by telling us otherwise in the comments. For last, do remember that the initial arc is the most important one for your book, since it's the one that hooks the reader in, so even if you make things less easy and more dramatic for him in future arcs , you might have already lost a lot of readers by then. The criticism is supposed to be constructive. I wish the best of luck in your writing. Cheers!
Yikes, so it’s basically wish fulfillment. Thanks
