Review Detail of opolo in Black Blood Family
Review detail
What i am writing may sound rude but you seriously need a lot of editing on the first chapter. There are all sorts of errors; missing commas, full stops, grammar. And instead of explaining multiple things in just one line try to write more. Don't write dialogues in the paragraph. Give some space between each dialogue. Try to write more instead of writing everything in one paragraph. Try to read it yourself after publishing or before that. It will help you find some errors, and make you change structure of some inappropriate sentences. I hope you will try to improve the writing quality in the next chapter.
Black Blood Family
Brezze
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I may have made a mistake there. You see i deliberately wrote a wrong word there and you were confused. The structure and vocabulary matters a lot when you want to write a clean draft The first paragraph of chapter one , read it again and see if you find anything strange.
Brezze:What are the inappropriate sentences can tell me thanks
At the 13th yard there stands a home that time has forgotten deep down in this abandoned place there's a family that stayed asleep for seven years while other members blended into human society. Everyone in this family has either blue,green or black eyes though black eyes are rare in this family their power is off the charts and they have insane fire power. The above paragraph is what you wrote. In the first line "that time has forgotten deep down in this abandoned there is a family" .....this part is so messy that people will get angry reading it...what family are you talking about and why are they blended in human society. Do humans need to blend in human society, Is it the family of vampires, werewolves or just perverted slime that can take human form? And learn to put full stop when necessary, there are online notes on sentences structuring and punctuation. Read them and try to improve your writing
Brezze:What are the inappropriate sentences can tell me thanks