webnovel
KingGeorg
KingGeorgLv146yr
2018-10-25 17:15

It’s great when people try to write stories. The biggest problem with this story is however that the writer lacks the necessary knowledge of language to tell the tale. On top of it he likes to hit the third wall. Here is one big NoNo.... Never ever call the main character in you own story simply MC. Give home a f***ing name. It doesn’t matter if you develope your main character further, not doing him the ******st curtesy. A second Nono is to forget how to do some rudimentary punctuation. Sometimes you have “.” and “,” mixed up. Where begins your sentence..where does it end? Keep it ****** and short if this is a problem for you at the moment. Furthermore I think you should give yourself more time to proofread what you wrote. Not only to check for errors but also to see if you can read your own work and understand its structure and content easily. And eventually you find the time to brush up on grammar and vocabulary :)

Liked by 2 people

LIKE
Replies3
KingGeorg
KingGeorgLv14

For some reason s i m p l e gets censored...?

Darxos_Gremory
Darxos_GremoryAuthor

Thank you, your advice has helped me a lot. I did not know what the fourth wall was, now I understand it better.

Redentor
RedentorLv3

simple ?

KingGeorg:For some reason s i m p l e gets censored...?
Other Reviews
Related Stories

Continue The Third Reich in Another World

Konrad Schuster, an above average high school student, suddenly finds himself transported to a strange new world filled with swords and magic, tasked with continuing the legacy of the Third Reich (WW2 Germany) after he touched his Grandfather's old German military uniform! He discovers a unique power that allows him to convert souls into source points. Using this power, Konrad can create anything he wants by simply imagining it! Soldiers! Guns! Tanks! Fighter Jets! Nuclear Bombs! As he explores this magical world, he must hunt and kill to expand his army and crush the locals with his overwhelming technological advantage! But danger is never far away, and Konrad must be cautious. He knows little about this world, and every decision he makes has consequences. He must use his technological superiority to his greatest advantage! WHAT TO EXPECT: A highly competent ruthless protagonist that acts and behaves like a proper general. He becomes intimidating, commanding and doesn't blink if he needs to get his hands dirty. He is a true evil protagonist. I hate beta and "nice" MC with a passion, so he is the exact opposite. TRIGGER WARNING: RACISM AND DISCRIMINATION (Against Demi-Humans) I DO NOT SUPPORT NAZIS Please don't take any views in my novel seriously, I just wrote this for fun, I don't support any Nazi ideals and behaviours. I just like the idea of a WW2 German army using modern equipment in a fantasy world. *Chapters* Chapters will be all over 1000 words. This is a FAST-PACED novel. Cover: Thanks N0xiety for the AI image!

General_Komrade · War
4.7
56 Chs

A Time Traveller's Guide to Feudal Japan

Do people chase greatness, or does greatness chase us? A.I. genius, Gengyo, through the assistance of SAPPHIRE attains the means to time travel. He seeks a simpler life, and wishes to experience the warmth of a family. But often we do not get what we want, we get what we deserve. And his peaceful times soon end, as war storms Japan, and in order to protect his peace, he must conquer. Join Gengyo as he walks a blood-stained path toward absolute domination, seizing control of Japan. //Brief extract from one of the battle scenes. Written from the point of view of a samurai landowner, Niwa Nakatane. The hooves grew closer to Nakatane's position and their beating hearts grew faster. Perhaps they could simply remain like that, hiding behind the tree, and allow these barbarians to pass? That way could they not return home to their families? Could they not give their dear wives one final kiss, or share one final story with their enthusiastic youth? Nakatane knew exactly what they were thinking. And as the ground rumbled, and the mounted beasts howled, he was the first man to step out from the trees and make his stand. "OORAH!" Possessed by a furious energy, he thrust out with all the aggression of a war god, puncturing Ochi's stallion through the chest with the sharpened wooden point of his lengthy spear. The mammoth fell from his mount clumsily, his head colliding with a nearby tree root. He ceased to move, and a pool of blood began to form around him. "ARM THESE SPEARS MEN! VICTORY SHALL BE OURS!" He stood in front of the charge of over 150 horsemen, alone. But he did not give a single inch of ground. He met the charge of the next man in line, roaring vengefully, possessed by all the rage and power that had accumulated in his body over these past years. The horsemen shrieked like a pack of hyenas, fanning out, each eager for a piece of the man who had brought down their leader. //I did not create the book cover. All credits go to the original creator.

Nick_Alderson · War
4.6
345 Chs

00 : 07 ; Seven minutes to doom (Spy vs spy )

One mission; one team against one psychopathic villain who is all set to destroy this world via microlemmental attack. Carcin; a highly corrosive, highly poisonous chemical has fallen in hands of Amayra , the leader of TTO. Due to her pitiful past and hatredness towards the world, she wants nothing more than to bring our planet, our home down, by releasing Carcin in our atmosphere, which will leads to the end of Human Civilization. But that's not all, in the years to come it will bring down each and evey species on our planet leading to end of life in Earth; which also goes by the name of apocalypse. Now comes the question why ain't noone stopping it from happening. Well, the leaders full of greed, corruption and lust wants nothing more than power and money, even if it costs them their own lives at the end. But, one team is all set to save our planet by stopping Amayra from executing her disastrous plan. But.. but.. but... this is where the story starts. The team fighting against Amayra must leave their differences aside and work unitedly. Isn't it? Unfortunately, it isn't the case. Well, no one to blame, coming from two sworn enemy countries and expecting the mission to go smoothly is like asking for sun and moon. Not to mention, they have one mole in their very own team, who is passing their each and every information to Amayra, personally. So, how will this mission end? To know do read the story. But to understand the story, firstly read it's part 1 Death : Mystery Unsolved https://www.webnovel.com/book/death-mystery-unsolved_19497639305476105 and then continue the adventure here. Feel free to drop your thoughts in the comment-section, I would love to reply back.

Silent_Listener · War
4.8
140 Chs