Review Detail of SinB in SuperFail

Story and plot is there, well thought out. However, like the other comment, the presentation isn't really good to say the least. I can tell you are randomly splitting up the sentences because of your previous big chunks of text, however if you are gonna split it up, do so in a way where it is presentable and not at a random spot. Grammatical Errors are also there but can be fixed with a few proof-reads and edits. Overall, I can see where you are coming from and can be at a level where there is much more potential, it's just whether or not you can incorporate the potential into your novel. I hope as you continue writing, you will continue to improve and grow. Good luck in your future endeavors.